


What If?

by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: A multitude of ridiculous epilogues, Adoption, All grown up Evak!, Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Awkwardness, Barebacking, Bottom Even, Bottom Isak, Boys Kissing, Come, Coming out., Condoms, Fathers Evak!, Fluff, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Married Evak!, Oral Sex, Pizza, Rimming, STD testing-because here at ''What If?'' We are responsible humans., Sexy Times, Shameless Smut, Sixty-Nineing, Sperm, That awkward talk, There will be LOTS of smut, Top Even, Top Isak, Wall Sex, Who would have thought., a thing for sex in public bathrooms, baths, because they are teenaged horny boys after all., handjobs, kinky porny blowjobs, mentions of anal play, not really sorry, not sorry, nuzzling, sorry., well more like wall slamming snogging. In public., will add tags as i write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 57,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/MermaidsandMermen
Summary: What if Skam never happened?What if Even is just an awkward boy working in a coffee shop? What if Isak is just the loneliest boy in the world?What if Even is slightly obsessed with Isak? And what if Isak is spending every afternoon in a freaking coffee shop? Because he can OK? It’s not because he feels like at least he isn’t alone when he is there. Not that he actually talks to Even. Not that he thinks Even is the prettiest boy he has ever seen. It’s not like that. It’s not.A ridiculous little fic in an Alternate universe.This fic does not contain any references to Even's or Isak's mother's mental illness. I do not have enough knowledge to confidently and accurately portray it so in this AU it does not exist. This is a happy place, a fic full of angst and fluff and love. Lots of imperfect smut. Mistakes and mishaps. Isak and Even. Food and cuddles and all those things we know we should be brave about but are not.Tweet me at @sophiasoames . Or don't. Be kind. Be nice. Always.





	1. Sugar?

Even  
He is here. My heart is doing little jumps of joy. It’s my favourite time of the day. Just around 3.40. When he is finished at school and comes here. He is at the back of the queue. Staring at his phone. He is sometimes on Facebook. Sometimes checking his email. I look. I’m nosy. 

I am hoping I get to serve him. In a way, I am hoping Caroline gets to serve him. That way I can stare at him when she is talking to him, without him noticing me. I can kind of hide by the coffee machine. Looking at him fiddling with the change in his pocket. 

If I get to serve him I get all flustered. I practice what I am going to say in my head. In my head, I am charming. Cool. Calm. Smiling and flirting with him. In my head, I can do that. In real life, I am awkward as fuck. I can barely get a word out. You get the idea. 

I like writing his name on his cup. He always has the same thing. Small black coffee. In a takeaway cup. The cheapest thing on the menu. He never orders anything else. Well once he did but I wasn’t serving him. It ruined my day. I didn’t dare to ask Caroline what he had ordered. I don’t want her to know that I stalk him. That I like him. 

There are 2 people in front of him in the queue. I have no problem talking to people I don’t know. I’m good at my job. It’s not difficult. I can be service minded. Charming if I want to. I can make mochaccinos in my sleep. I make perfect toasted sandwiches. I even heat up the cinnamon rolls for people if they are kind to me. I smile. I am good with kids. I am good with money. I don’t drop things. 

‘’Hi, what can I get you? ‘’ Oh fuck fuck fuck yes yes no no. I am sweating. 

He is still looking at his phone. He is on the school website. 

‘’Small black coffee thanks’’ He looks up for just a second catching my eye. 

I blush. I freaking blush. I should be used to it. I always do. 

‘’Would you like milk?’’ What the fuck? Why did I say that? I kind of freeze.

‘’No just black.’’ Yes, he has already told me. He never has milk. 

‘’Sugar?’’ Just shoot me OK? I can feel a droplet of sweat forming on my forehead. 

He looks up at me with a little smirk. Shakes his head. Looks down again. He is still smiling.

‘’22’’

He taps his phone on the card reader. Bloody Apple pay. Less chance to interact. I won’t get the chance to touch his hand when I give him his change. I like that. That little second of touch. 

I write his name. I don’t ask anymore. I know he knows I know. He doesn’t say it either. One day when I am brave I will draw a little heart next to his name on the cup. I practice it sometimes when I am alone behind the counter. Write Isak in cool graffiti style writing. With two hearts either side. I am not brave enough today. And if I was I would have to resign. Leave town in shame. I could never face him again. 

I hand the cup to Niels who is manning the coffee machine today. Niels is grumpy as fuck. Rarely speaks. I like working with him. We kind of make a good silent team. 

I serve the next person. Keeping my eyes on Isak. Still on the phone. Nodding at Niels when he hands him his cup. Walking over to his usual corner. He always sits facing the counter, which means I can look at him. Watch his face. Sometimes he puts his earphones in, when he is watching something. When he laughs, it makes me smile.  
If I didn’t have Isak I would probably quit this job and apply for something else. Try to further myself. Mum keeps asking me what I am going to do with my life. Well Mum. I haven’t got a clue. 

Not that I ‘’have’’ Isak. But he is the reason I come into work every day.

Isak

I try to make my coffee last as long as I can. I can’t really afford to buy a coffee every day, but I can’t bear the thought of spending every afternoon in my room. Everyone else has friends and things to do. I don’t. 

Well I have friends. Great friends. They are just busy with their girlfriends. With all the Russ stuff. With school and the revue and groups and other things that they are all into. I still talk to them all the time. We text constantly. I just don’t fit in to a lot of their stuff anymore. I suppose this is what happens when you grow up. You grow apart.  
I am busy with school. I need to get good grades so I can get into uni. I really really want to get into uni. I want to do Biology. Genetics. I maybe Medicine? I don’t think I can pull off the grades for Medicine though. 

But if I get into Uni I could move to a university dorm. That would be cool. I’m in a shared apartment at the moment, which is OK. Great people. They work all the time though, so I am on my own there a lot. It gets really lonely. Which is why I kind of like spending my afternoons here. In a freaking coffee shop. 

At least I am not alone when I am here. I like the guys who work here. Caroline is funny, she is always oversharing. Telling all these stories about guys she is seeing. About things she has done at the weekend. Parties she has been to. Guys she has fucked. It makes Niels, the other guy sigh and roll his eyes. He doesn’t say much. I think he is funny though. Even just looks at her with this little amused smile on his face. Leaning against the back counter. Arms crossed. 

He is wearing the checked shirt today. It’s my favourite. Apart from the red hoodie. I like that one too. And the green t-shirt. I don’t mind really. I like Even. Swoony sigh.  
I listen in to their conversations a lot. I put my headphones on sometimes pretending I am listening to music. When I am really eavesdropping. 

Even has a new book in his back pocket. When it’s quiet he stands by the counter, just leaning back, and reads his book. I have to lean across pretending get something out of my bag so I can see what the title of the book is. Aha. Six degrees.  
I google it. Something about global warming. That’s cool. Different. He reads Game of Thrones a lot. Or the old Coq Rouge series. I read that too. I was hoping to be able to say something cool to him. Comment on his choice of reading. I didn’t though. 

He is laughing at something Caroline just said. Arms crossed. Leaning forwards a little. He is taller than me. Broad. Muscular arms. Full lips. Lots of little birthmarks on his face. I stare at him. I do that a lot when he is not looking. Not for too long. Not so he will notice. 

He closes his eyes laughing. Even Niels has cracked a smile. Caroline is gesticulating wildly. Loudly impersonating someone. Pretending to stumble. It’s funny. I’m smiling too. I can’t help it. I don’t notice until it’s too late. That he is looking straight at me. And he is not smiling anymore.


	2. Brain Freeze

Even

He is laughing. Smiling. God. I haven’t imagined it. He is just gorgeous. When he smiles. Face full of dimples. It makes me a little bit weak in the knees. Looking straight at me. 

It’s almost as he was listening in to what we were saying. I can’t remember what we were talking about. I think I have brain freeze. I think I am an idiot. I must be retarded. Why the fuck am I not smiling back at him and winking. In my head that’s what I would do. In my head I would stroll over and sit down and say something cool. In real life, I stand here like an arsehole. Terrified. Frozen solid. Whilst he looks down and closes his laptop. Drinks the last drop of coffee. 

No no no no. Please don’t leave. Please stay. Please. 

He is shoving his laptop into his bag. Putting his jacket on. Pulling his beanie down over his curls. I love his curls. That’s what I would say. What if. That’s what I say at night when I think about him. I close my eyes and say it to myself. I say ‘’What if.’’ What if I wasn’t me. What if I was brave? Cool. Strong. Handsome.

What if I would just walk up to him and tell him how beautiful he is? That I love his hair. The blonde curls that frame his face. How if he grew his curls a little bit longer he could wear it in a man bun. Not that it matters. I would run my fingers through his hair. Let my thumb rest against his cheek. Smiling. Never letting my eyes leave his. 

What if I was brave enough to kiss him? There and then. He would be smiling at me. Looking a little scared. Dimples forming on his cheeks as I lean in. Letting my lips softly touch his. I would love to kiss him. God I want to kiss him.

But hey let’s face it. I am a tall skinny bloke with a face full of freckles and acne. I’ve always been too tall. Too skinny. Too awkward. Too shy. Too confused about everything. It’s not like he would let me kiss him. Or want me to kiss him. He is far too cool for that. In his skinny jeans. His hip jackets. Snapbacks and beanies. The little swagger in his walk. 

Yup. The way he walks. Even that is cool. As he walks out of the door. I hate myself. I hate my fucking ridiculous life. 

Isak

Now its awkward. That’s me. I fuck things up. 

I crawl under my duvet with my clothes still on. Pull it over my head. 

The flat is quiet. It’s been a shit day. Shit Shit Shit. 

Jonas has a new girlfriend. That’s all he talks about. Magnus and Vilde are going away to Ibiza. That’s all he is talking about. And Sex. God, he is obsessed with Sex. Mahdi got laid at the weekend. I am so not interested. 

I have nothing to say anymore. Nothing. I mean I study. Read. Drink coffee. It’s not like I can sit there and say, ‘’Hey guys, any tips on how I can get myself a hot dude to shag? Heard of any good gay bars?’’ Yeah that would go down well. 

Jonas knows. He kind of asked me straight up. I just nodded. Yep. I like boys. Not that I have actually ever kissed one. Or shagged one. I haven’t even held a boy’s hand.  
I have kissed girls. Had my hand under their tops. Felt around. It does nothing for me. 

I watch lots of porn. Gay porn. Straight porn. I barely notice the girls. Chests. Hips. Arms. That’s what does it for me. Kind eyes. Long legs. Kissable lips.  
Even has got the most kissable lips in the world. They look soft. Plump. And when he smiles the world stops. 

I like the way he looks at me. The way he blushes a little. Its awkward. But nice. Almost like we have this little thing going on. But who am I kidding right? We don’t. He is a super-hot bloke. Probably has an even hotter girlfriend. He would not in a million years give any fucks about me. I’m an ugly weird year 3 at school who comes in to his café every day because I haven’t got a life. 

I need to go see my Dad this evening. Another evening of non-talking in front of the TV. Awkward questions about if I have a beloved. At least we can discuss Uni applications. That will take up all of 30 minutes. Tops. And then we can watch sports until I pretend-yawn and go home. Back home to my shit life. Where I will lie awake in bed thinking of Even. Wishing he was lying next to me. 

I would curl up and lie on his shoulder. He would be topless. He is always topless in my head. I would let my arm rest over his chest. Letting my fingers trace his collarbone. Watching him watch me. Leaning up letting him kiss my forehead. His fingers tangling up in my hair. Arms around me. I would close my eyes and drift off to sleep warm and safe in his embrace. 

Instead I curl up around my pillow. Hug my own arms. Close my eyes. 

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be brave. Say something cool to him. Make him laugh. We could be friends. Totally. Cool friends who hang out. Talk. Do stuff. That would work. That’s normal isn’t it?  
Nothing wrong with that.  
Except the holding hands and kissing bit. My brain keeps adding that bit. Yeah right. Seriously. I have so got a crush on him.


	3. FaceBook

Even  
He forgot his hoodie. It’s lying on the chair when I go and pick up his cup. I like holding his cup. Another little connection to him that I cherish. Tracing the rim of the cup with my finger before I throw it in the bin. Crazy Stalker alert. 

I pick up the hoodie. Fold it carefully. I want to sniff it but that would be creepy. And wrong. In public. It has his name on the back. Valtersen. Isak Valtersen. My heart jumps a little. I am smiling like a crazy person. I am a crazy person. The hoodie is coming home with me. For safe keeping, of course. I wouldn’t like it to get lost. That would be sad. Irresponsible. I am a good person, I am only making sure that he will get his hoodie back. 

Which gives me an idea. I give my mum a quick hug when I get in. Grab a bottle of water and head to my room. Load up the laptop. Google Isak Valtersen.   
Bingo. He has got a Facebook account. I think. I can’t see anything unless I sign up for an account. Which I don’t. But hey, I am trying to do a good deed here so I will sacrifice my irrational hatred of social media and open a Facebook account. I mean how bad can it be? 

I can do this. I add a photo. It’s a good one. I am smiling. Black and white. Then I change it. If that Is Isak’s account he has some weird drawing as a profile picture. I change mine to a stock photo from Game of Thrones. Then I think I am a weirdo. How will he know that I am me if he can’t see a photo? So, I change it back. Fuck it. 

I go in and like all the authors I like. Follow some artists. Join a Game of Thrones discussion group. Then leave it. Join again.   
I send friend requests to a few people I know. To Caroline. I haven’t got a clue what Niels surname is. That is a bit fucked up. I see him every day. I make a mental note to check tomorrow. 

Hooray! I now have 3 friends on Facebook. Life goal complete. I shake my head and look up Isak. He has 247 friends. Fuck my life. Just fuck it. 

I look up my cousin. Friend request him. I friend request my other cousin. She is 13. Every little helps.

She sends me a message straight away. ‘’Hi Cousin Even!!!!’’

‘’Hi Elise’’ I send back. She is sweet.

‘’Follow me on Snapchat!! I’m elisebunny05’’

What the fuck is Snapchat? ‘’What is Snapchat Elise?’’

‘’You are such a nerd Even!! Download the App!!’’

I do. Blimey. I follow Elise. Figure it out. Take a selfie of myself looking like a deranged Easter bunny. 

Go back to Facebook. I now have 5 friends. One is my Mother. Oh crap. 

‘’Hi Darling! You made it to FB! I will add you to all our family groups.’’  
Thanks Mum. 

Another notification. I have been tagged in a photo by Elise. This is more complicated than I thought. Yup. There is all my streetcred gone. She has uploaded the deranged Easter bunny. With the caption ‘’My nerdy cousin Even’’ How lovely. 

Great. Just Great. 

Isak

I have a message request on FB. I kind of freeze. Half have a heart attack. My hands are shaking a little bit as I swipe the screen. The name on the screen. Even Bech Naesheim. I only know of one Even. I sit up. Take a deep breath. Here we go. 

‘’Hi Isak. It’s Even from KB. I hope I have got the right Isak. You left your hoodie here this afternoon. I have got it so you can pick it up if you are coming by tomorrow.’’

I type a reply. Delete it. Type it again. Then remember he will be able to tell that I am typing something. 

‘’Thanks, sorry for the trouble’’

Idiot. Sorry for the trouble? What am I doing?

‘’No worries. Just remind me tomorrow if I forget.’’

God, he is so cool. 

‘’I should be in by 3.45 after school.’’

Oh, why can’t I think of anything cool to write. 

‘’Black coffee. I will have one ready.’’

I smile. Go all warm inside.

‘’No milk. No sugar. Thanks’’ I add a smiley.

I hope he will get it. That I am trying to make a lame joke. 

‘’I’ll remember’’ Smiley. 

I look at his profile. Gorgeous profile pic. I don’t even think before screen shotting it. 

He must have just joined. He has 9 friends. Only one other photo. Some snapchat thing. Very very cute. I now have 2 photos in my Even album on my phone. I can’t stop looking at them. At him. I feel like a crazy 10-year-old fangirl. I kind of want to kiss the screen.

‘’I’ll see you tomorrow then?’’ He messages again. Oh, please don’t stop talking to me!

‘’See ya’’

I’m such an idiot. I type again. 

‘’Thanks again. See you tomorrow’’

He sends me a thumbs up. A fucking thumbs up. But then I do have two photos in my phone of Even. And a ridiculous smile on my face.


	4. Another Coffee?

I have gone a bit crazy. Well a bit crazier than normal. I have now got an Instagram account. And Twitter. A completely empty Tumblr. What the fuck is that all about? I wasted 2 hours reading conspiracy theories about some English boyband last night. A boyband I don’t give a fuck about. Well now I am over invested. I know all about them. Well about them all being in lurve with each other. Total madness. Crazy shit. I actually feel quite normal now. Totally sane.

I can’t get my head around Twitter. I mean it’s like shouting out to cyberspace with nobody listening to me. Not that I have tweeted anything. (look at me using all the cool social media slang). I felt like tweeting stuff like ‘’I like boys and mostly Isak’’. But then I did use my real name as my twitter handle. I am not stupid. Shit like that will come back and bite you on the bum. I mean look at One Direction. I am following them as well. Fuck my life. 

I have downloaded all the apps on my phone too. I usually read at work but today I have been on my phone all day. Following people on Twitter. Checking Facebook. I have 11 friends now, which includes my uncle Harald. He has invited me to like his Model Train railway society page. I mean what? It’s like a whole freaking parallel universe out there. 

Mostly I look at Isak’s messages from last night. Read them over and over again. 

I kind of want to write something but I can’t think of anything to say. And anyway, that would be strange. We are not friends. Not really. 

I gave away another free coffee today. We can do that. One per day. It’s good customer service. Goodwill. Makes people come back and tell their friends. That’s the brief anyway. I rarely do it. I find it a bit strange. Hey. Have a free coffee!! Then what do I say. Because I like you? Because your kid is screaming and you look like you want to cry. The lady I gave it to today actually cried a little. Her kid is always throwing a tantrum in its pram. Thrashing and screaming. She hurries in for a coffee and then practically runs out. Today the little brat was sleeping, and she was trying to find her purse in the pram without waking him. So, I said, ‘’ Don’t worry, its free today. ‘’. Then I felt like a prat when she burst into tears. 

I want to give Isak a free coffee. I just don’t know how to angle it. ‘’Hey it’s on me today?’’ Crazy stalker alert. Well I am thinking that If Niels takes his order, and I am manning the machine, then I could just touch Niels arm and loudly say: ‘’This one is on me’’. Like it would be a cool thing to buy him a coffee. It’s hardly champagne. Or a beer. It would get all embarrassing and awkward. 

Time goes slower than usual. I keep going over to my bag and looking down at the hoodie that is lying on the top. Isak’s hoodie. I slept with it in my arms. Smelling it like some kids comfort toy. God, it smells lovely. Strong and masculine. Faintly of soap. I kind of hope he doesn’t show this afternoon so I can take it home again. Have it over the weekend. I would wear it. Smell like him. Fuck I am weird. I kind of blush in shame.

It doesn’t get any better. Isak arrives when I am sorting out the water heater on the boiler in the back. So, he is already sitting down when I come back out. He has got one of his mates with him too, the one with the eyebrows. He’s a cool dude, sitting with his legs all spread out, leaning back on the chair, looking like he owns the place. Isak is talking quietly, animated with his arms. Not looking at me. 

I grab a cloth and head out on the floor. I wipe down tables. Very carefully removing imaginary stains. There is a big one on the table opposite where Isak is sitting. I rub and rub. Spray some antibacterial stuff from the bottle in my hand. Rub again. 

Isak is saying something about not wanting to go. His mate is called Jonas, I clock that. Jonas thinks Isak needs to get out more and meet people. Isak shakes his head. I am kind of looking at him from underneath my fringe. 

‘’Hi Even’’ He says. Little smile.  
‘’Hey’’ I say. I feel like I am going to faint. Or throw up.  
‘’This is Jonas. My mate’’  
I reach out and shake his hand. ‘’Even’’  
‘’This is Even, he works here.’’  
I nod. Now it’s awkward.  
‘’You guys all right for drinks? More coffee?’’ I can do work mode.  
They both have full cups. And Muffins. Blueberry.  
Isak just smiles at me. Fuck he is pretty. Handsome. I am standing here like an idiot again.  
‘’Let me know when you need a refill.’’ I do work mode again. Little smile.  
‘’Thanks mate’’ Jonas says.  
Isak just nods.

I walk away. That went well. Well. Not really. I didn’t throw up. But my shirt is soaked in sweat under my arms. 

Isak

‘’He likes you’’ Jonas says.  
‘’Shut up’’ I whisper.  
‘’No, he does. He was blushing. Looking all flustered’’  
‘’He always does. That’s just how he is.’’  
‘’He is cute though. Handsome’’

I whack Jonas on the arm. Hard.

‘’He is also not interested. So, shut up’’

Even has gone out the back. Thank god. 

‘’I still think you need to come to the party tonight. It’s Friday. There will be loads of people there. People from other schools.’’  
‘’I don’t know Jonas. I am tired of all the shit. Same people. Same parties. Drinking. Then going home and sleeping all weekend.’’  
‘’So instead you are going to go home and sleep all weekend anyway? Without the fun of watching Magnus make out with Vilde for 4 hours? Of watching Mahdi try to get a hook-up that won’t dump him the next day?’’  
‘’She dumped him already?’’ I let out a little laugh.  
‘’Yeah. He is all stoked for tonight though. Gagging for it’’  
‘’I’ll think about it ok? ‘’  
‘’You are coming Isak. You are so coming.’’  
I just laugh. 

Jonas needs to go pick up his girlfriend. Thank god. I kind of like to sit here on my own. So I can watch Even in peace. Daydream about him being my boyfriend. Drink cold coffee. Look up crap on the internet.  
He has changed his shirt. He is now wearing a black t-shirt. His hair is swept back as usual, the soft curls at his neck just touching the collar. A few birthmarks scattered up his neck. 

I wonder if he is going out tonight after work. Hanging out with his cool friends. I can kind of picture him in some cool club. Laughing. Beer in his hand. One arm slung around some blonde. 

I kind of get lost in my thoughts, sitting there staring at the blank screen of my laptop. I don’t even notice him coming over. It kind of makes me jump when he puts the cup down in front of me. A proper china cup of steaming hot coffee.  
‘’Sorry’’ He says. ‘’I didn’t mean to startle you’’. He looks a little terrified.  
‘’It’s Ok, I was kind of lost in my thoughts.’’ Look up at him and try to smile, but looking straight at him kind of unnerves me. It’s just too intense.  
‘’Thank you for the coffee’’  
He just looks at me and nods. Then he walks off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer. I luffs Tumblr. I ship Larry. And Ziam. And NulianBulian. And secretly HarryHolm. HenrikStyles.   
> So no offence to the world of crazy Larries. I am right in there in the mess. Rolling in it. Not sorry.


	5. Good.

Even  
My little plan has worked. 

By giving him another very large coffee he has to stay a bit longer. And we close in 20 minutes. So, I can basically have him all alone in the café whilst we close up. Which is a shit shit shit plan. Because of course there is nothing like trying to impress someone with being really cool, whilst mopping the floor. 

Niels is putting all the chairs up. Telling Isak not to worry about leaving, using words like ‘’ just chill dude.’’

Words that would sound stupid if I said them. But Isak just nods and says ‘’cool’’. He is still sipping his coffee, reading something on the screen of his laptop. 

I am mopping. Big puddles of brown filthy water being sloshed around the floor. It stinks of rank milk. Old coffee grounds. Sour hot chocolate remains. 

I kind of apologize to him when I mop near his feet. I don’t quite know what I mumble but he looks up and smiles at me. Which gives me heart palpitations. Of course.

I end up wiping down the front of the display cabinet, when he gets up and walks over.  
‘’I need to pay for my second coffee’’ He says.  
‘’Don’t worry about it, it’s on me’’. He smiles. Hooray. That didn’t sound too bad. I smile back.  
‘’Thanks’’ He is grinning. Big smile. 

Then he leans in and tries to hug me. And being an awkward idiot of a fuck shit I completely mess up. Arms in the wrong place knocking into his ribs. Chin kind of bouncing against his forehead. 

I just want to cry. Die. Curl up on the floor and shout JUST SHOOT ME NOOOOOOWWW.

He just giggles.  
‘’That was a shit hug Even’’  
Which kind of calms me down.  
‘’Yeah. Sorry. I am an idiot’’  
I can’t believe I said that.  
‘’Thanks for the coffee anyway. Appreciate it’’  
‘’Anytime. It’s always nice to see you’’ Can someone please shut me up? Why oh why can’t I say the right things? Not that I know what the fuck to say apart from I love you and want to marry you and suck your dick and shit like that.

He nods and turns around. Bag slung over his shoulder. Walks towards the door. 

I just want to cry. Run after him. Hug him to death. Apologize for being retarded. 

He turns around and walks straight at me. Reaches his arm out towards me. 

And I kind of loose the plot. I just grab him and hug him. Fisting his jacket with my hand. Chin on his shoulder. His hair tickling my nose. 

‘’I forgot my hoodie again’’ He says with his mouth too close to my ear. 

Oh fuck. Of course. Of course, he didn’t come back to declare his undying love for me. He came back to whack me on the arm and ask for his hoodie. 

I let go of him. My face is probably beetroot.

He doesn’t let go of me though. He kind of has his hand on my arm. Standing a little bit too close. Staring at the floor. 

‘’Let me go and get it’’ I don’t want to go anywhere. 

I still go. Get the hoodie out. Bye bye hoodie. Good bye Isak who will never speak to me again.

We don’t speak. I hand him the hoodie. He glances up at me. Looks at the floor. Then he leans over and gives me a kiss on my cheek. And he walks out. 

 

Isak.

I shouldn’t have done that. Or maybe I should have. Oh, what have I done.

I just kissed Even. On the cheek. Oh fuck. Oh Shit. Oh crap.

I fish out my phone and open Messenger.  
‘’I’m sorry’’. I press send.  
Well there is nothing more I can say.  
‘’For what?’’ Comes back. Oh Even.‘ ’I’m the one who should apologize for kind of body-slamming you and being a crap hugger’’ I stop and smile.  
‘’Nah, I like your hugs’’ my hands are still shaking a little.  
‘’Me too’’ he replies. I am smiling so hard my cheeks are hurting.  
‘’I mean I like your hugs, that came out wrong’’ He is all flustered now. I can kind of imagine him, hands shaking, face flushed. Looking all cute and huggable. 

I am not even a block away from the café. I turn around and look back. Wondering if I can see him through the window. The lights are still on but all I can see are the chairs stacked on the tables.

‘’I like your hugs too’’ I miss him already. I wish I had stayed now. Maybe Hugged him again.

‘’I like you.’’ Oh baby. Oh fuck. What the hell do I say now? I am kind of standing in the middle of the road.

I walk 4 steps forward. Turn around. Walk 2 steps back. Turn around. I don’t know what the hell to do. My head says go the fuck home. My heart is pounding. My whole body just wants to hug him again. 

He likes me. I like him. What could possibly go wrong? Everything of course. I probably read it all wrong. I am getting carried away in my head. And what the fuck do I expect is going to happen? It’s not like we are going to fall into each other’s arms and go home and fuck our brains out. It doesn’t work like that. Not in real life. Not in a crappy part of Oslo. 

There is someone walking towards me. Head down. Holding his phone. Letting his hand run through his hair. He still hasn’t seen me. He hasn’t looked up yet. I could still run. Hide in the shadows. It’s dark enough. 

He rubs his nose. Puts his phone in his pocket. I never replied. 

I am kind of frozen in place. And he is less than a meter away when he sees me and stops. Staring at me like he has seen a ghost. I still have my fucking phone in my hand. 

He is just too gorgeous. Too handsome. Too sad looking. To scared. I can tell from the way his bottom lip quivers just slightly. The way he just stares at me. 

‘’I like you too’’ I say. A little bit too quietly. A little bit too honest. A little bit terrified. 

‘’Good’’ His smile is like the sun. Bright. Gorgeous. 

He reaches out his hand. Touches the sleeve of my jacket. Let’s the fabric move between his fingers. 

I kind of walk into him. Let my face fall into the scarf around his neck. Nuzzling into him. Hoping he will take the lead. Because I haven’t got a clue what I am doing. 

I kind of want to cry. I want to hug him. I want to kiss him. I just want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything will be OK. I hope that he will just hold me. 

He does. His arms are around me. Softly falling into place. Holding me tight. His face buried in my hair. I can feel the warmth of his breath. I can feel his heart beating against me. His breath fast and strong.

‘’Good’’ he whispers. ‘’Good’’.


	6. I like you

Even  
I kind of walk him backwards into the wall. Not that I know what I am doing, but we are kind of in the middle of the pavement. People walking by us. And we are kind of crazy-hugging in the middle of Oslo in rush hour. 

Then I stand there. With Isak in my arms. His face snuggled into my neck. Which is kind of the best feeling in the world. His arms are around my back. One of his hands slightly under the edge of my jacket. I can feel his fingers against my T-shirt. Moving up and down a little. Softly stroking my skin through the cotton. 

He said he likes me. I told him I liked him. I don't know how it all happened. It’s almost like my brain short-circuited when I got his message. I just started replying without thinking. Telling him exactly what I felt. No filter. No brain. 

I still ended up here. With my face buried in his curls. My arms around him. My lips pressing into the skin on his head. Into his hair. Smelling him. Breathing him in.  
He shifts slightly. Let’s his face separate from its snug little home in my scarf. 

I can’t bear to look at him. Not yet. Not now when everything is perfect. When I could just stay standing here forever. Forever frozen in time. On a pavement. It’s cold. It has started to drizzle a little. Not that I have noticed. There could have been an earthquake going on for all I care and all I would do is stand here and breathe in his hair. Feel his chest rising and falling against me. His fingers trailing my skin under the hem of my t-shirt. 

His nose is rubbing against my chin. Slowly stroking. Warm breath against my skin. 

I have been kissed before. Once. In year one at Upper school. I was 16. Sonja this girl in my class was drunk. We were at a party. I don’t even know what I was doing there. She just kind of dragged me out on the dance floor. Plastered herself across my chest and started kissing me. Wet. Cold. Tasting of vodka and orange juice. Breath full of alcohol. Arms around me. Leg grinding up in between my legs.

I was terrified. A little bit annoyed. Helpless. I kind of freaked. Pushed her away and ran. Left. Not that she mattered. She stumbled a little and slumped herself down on a sofa. Shouted ‘’Don’t go Even, you are soooo hoooottt’’ as I put my trainers on in the hallway. I remember thinking no. I am not hot. You are not hot. This is not hot. This is fucking stupid. 

Well THIS is not stupid. Because this is real. This is freaking hot. My heart is beating like a sledgehammer in my chest. He is going to kiss me. I kind of know it. The way his lips are moving against the stubble on my chin. Soft as velvet. Skin on skin.

I am breathing. I am. I hope. I am kind of holding my breath. Swallowing hard. Holding my arms around him like I am drowning. Hoping he won’t chicken out. Won’t stop.

I’m doing it again. Doing shit without thinking. I just can’t help myself when it comes to Isak. I am figuring shit out today. Realizing that I don’t have any control.  
My hands are suddenly around his face. His cheeks are hot. My fingers against his skin. My lips searching for his. Slowly. I’m kind of trembling a little.  
Not that I am going to stop. If this is my one chance, if this is the one time I can get this right. Then I am fucking all in. So, that is what I do. I let my lips touch his. Just softly nudging him. Again and again. 

He is letting his lips taste me. Holding my skin in-between his. Wet and soft and warm. Making little noises that go straight to my head. Then there is his tongue. And my tongue. Rough and soft. Wet and hard. Tangling in between us. Well I don’t know what is going on anymore, just that I am moaning into his mouth, and he is fisting the fabric on the back of my t-shirt in his hand, letting the other hand slip under my belt. Fingers trailing over the skin on my back. 

Not that I am any better. Pulling at his hair with my hand. The other one pressing into his neck, thumb stroking the skin on his chin. Lips and mouths and breaths everywhere.  
He starts laughing softly against my mouth. Still nipping at me. Kissing me.  
‘’I’m getting wet’’ he whispers.  
I hadn’t noticed. It’s raining pretty hard. Even standing against the wall, we are getting soaked. Heavy drops of water making trails down my forehead. A tiny droplet on the tip of his nose. I kiss it off.  
‘’Come home with me’’ he says. Nuzzling back into my neck.  
‘’OK’’ I whisper into his hair. Well I am going where ever he is going. Because there is no way I am letting go of him now. 

Isak.  
The first steps are awkward. Only because I don’t know where to put my arms. His hand is still on my face.  
I look up at him. Meet his eyes. And I crumble. He is just too fucking beautiful. Eyes full of questions. Full of want. Full of need. I can see it. I know how I feel. I need him back. Need him back against me.  
Which is why we end up walking with me hiding in his scarf. Being led along the pavement. He has his arm around me. Safely holding me against him. Pressing little kisses into my wet hair every couple of steps.  
I have my hand down the back of his jeans. I don’t know how it got there, but I sure as hell am not moving it. His skin is warm. Soft. Perfect against my fingers. I kind of move my thumb up and down, stroking his skin. 

We kind of stumble and slip. Only because we don’t fucking know how to do this. How to do the whole romantic walking along the street in the rain bit. Not like you would see in a film. This is awkward stumbling and fumbling in the dark kind of walking. 

‘’I so suck at this’’ he laughs and grabs hold of my hand. Pulls me in towards him. Kisses me again.  
‘’You are great at this’’ I mumble, his mouth still on mine. Letting my tongue lick his bottom lip. Totally missing the mark and kissing the side of his nose as we stumble along the pavement. 

I feel like I am drunk. High on shit. Proud as fuck. Because I am walking along with the most beautiful man in the world. The most handsome boy. Watching people look at us when they pass. Noticing his hand in mine. 

It’s easier to walk hand in hand. Less falling over. Safer. He still kisses me every time we stop at a traffic light. Every time we cross the road. Holding my hand. 

I kind of lose my confidence for a moment. Start to think about what I am doing. What the fuck am I going to do once we get home. I don’t have a clue how to do this. I don’t have any idea of what Even expects to happen. I am not ready. I am not ready. I am not brave. I am not ready. 

We stop in front of the door leading into our apartment block. My hand trembling as I punch in the code to open it. Evens hand on my hip. His breath against my cheek as he presses a soft kiss to my temple.  
I kind of say it to myself in my head, over and over. He likes me. He likes me. He likes me. It will be ok.  
I push the door open with my hip, my hands far too busy with getting themselves tangled up in his hair. Kissing him. Because I can. Because he kisses me back. Because he whimpers a little when I let go. Because he buries his face in my hair and whispers that he doesn’t know what he is doing. That he doesn’t know how to do this. That he just knows he wants to. That he likes me. That he wants me. That he wants to kiss me until he can’t breathe.


	7. They are red. Red. I mean RED?

Even  
We make it up the stairs without kissing. He even gets the key in the lock without me holding onto him. I kind of feel a bit lost without touching him. Like I am standing there and I don’t know what to do with my hands anymore. Shuffling nervously as we step into the hallway. Stumbling a little as I kick of my shoes.

It’s a lovely flat. Nice and airy. High ceilings. The sound of a TV on in the living room. Peoples voices. 

‘’Isak?’’ someone calls from the kitchen.   
‘’Yeah?’’ He replies. Looking at me and putting his finger over his mouth. Don’t speak.   
‘’You want a beer?’’  
He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. Do I want a beer? No not really. I want to kiss him again. But clearly not here. He looks uncomfortable. Like if someone will step into the hallway and see us he might just shove me out the door. I just look at him. I don’t know what to do. 

‘’I’m going to bed, ok? See you later!’’ He is telling a total lie obviously. Well I am hoping we are going to bed. Or something. He grabs my hand and drags me down the hallway, looking over his shoulder. Obviously not wanting anyone to see me. 

‘’Sorry’’ he whispers as he closes the door behind us. ‘’My roommates are nosy, and if Eskild had got his hands on you, you would have gotten dragged into the kitchen, fed beer until you couldn’t stand and then he would have forced us go to a gay club with him. Dancing. Well you only obviously, since I am 18 and can’t get into a club. Sucks. Well not really because I can’t dance. I don’t do dancing.’’ He is cute when he is rambling. I am just smiling at him and somehow placing my hands on his hips. 

‘’I don’t mind what we do’’ I whisper. I don’t know why we are still whispering. I doubt anyone can hear us unless they are standing right outside the door.   
‘’Are you hungry?’’ He is holding onto my scarf. Tracing the fabric with his fingers. I am never washing this scarf again. I will be sleeping wearing it until it falls apart.   
‘’Yeah, maybe. Fancy Pizza? I mean we can have it delivered. Or go out. But I am kind of soaked.’’  
He laughs nervously. ‘’I’ll find you some dry clothes. Hang on.’’ 

He starts rummaging around in the piles of clothes on the floor. I take my wet jacket off and hang it over a chair. My t-shirt is ok. My jeans are soaking from my knees down. I am kind of shivering. I can’t help it, it’s just cold. Wet. I am in Isak’s room. And he is all flustered holding up a pair of joggers and sniffing them. 

‘’I’m useless at laundry. I think these are clean.’’ He looks up at me and frowns. ‘’You are frozen. Sorry. I should have thought. I mean. Let’s get you warm.   
He walks up and grabs the hem of my t-shirt. Pulls it over my head. And like the idiot I am I let him. Just standing there frozen solid. Shivering at his touch. Shivering because I am fucking cold. 

Then he freezes too. Standing there with my t-shirt in his hand. Looking terrified again.   
I think I kind of lose the plot, because I can’t help myself. I start to laugh.   
‘’I’m sorry, I am just fucking freezing’’. I wrap my arms around my chest. ‘’Do you think I can have a quick shower? Just to warm up. Would that be OK?’’   
I don’t know where my bravery has come from, but it seems to rub off on Isak. Isak who smiles like only he can and laughs with me.   
‘’I’m crap at all this’’ he mutters and looks at the floor. Looks up again. Still smiling. Making me feel a lot warmer inside.   
‘’We are both crap at this then’’ I laugh. ‘’There are no rules here. I think we just have to figure it out as we go. I don’t know what I am doing.’’ I am still hugging myself. He is hugging a pair of joggers. That are maybe clean. Or not. Still smiling. Laughing.  
‘’Do you want a bath? We have a good bathtub? ‘’  
‘’That would be great. Thanks’’ A bath sounds heavenly. Gorgeous. Then I kind of freeze again. Wondering if he means together. Like both of us naked in a tub. My dick wakes up at the thought. Fuck. Oh no. Not fuck. Just that word in my head makes my cock swell in my jeans. This is not going to be pretty. 

Isak.  
I grab his hand and lead him out in the hallway. I am not really thinking. I mean if Eskild catches us now, Me dragging a half-naked god of a man down the hall, well he is not going to mince his words is he. My nice quiet life as I know it will be over. 

I’m lucky. We are lucky. He locks the door behind us as I lean over the bath and start the taps. Find some bubble bath that smells half decent. Pour about half a bottle in.  
Even is just laughing behind me, sitting down on the toilet, with his jeans around his ankles. Struggling to get them off. Wet fabric tugging on the hairs on his legs. His gorgeous long legs that I am kind of staring at. Along with his red underpants. I mean hello. Red. I have never in my life owned red underwear and now all I want to do is go and buy some instead of the off-white monstrosities that I am no doubt wearing. Stained. Grey. There will be nothing sexy about my undies. 

‘’That will make a lot of bubbles’’ he laughs, still tugging at his jeans. Flicking off a wet sock that lands on the floor with a slosh.  
I kind of kneel in front of him to help with his trousers. Pulling on the bottom hem. Him flinching slightly as I get the first leg off. My eyes trailing up his body. Those fucking red underpants. Cotton Y fronts. I mean. I just can’t help look. Massive bulge. I kind of freeze with my eyes stuck watching his crotch. Like some looser. It’s just mesmerizing. I lean back a little. Face going red. Heat radiating of my entire body. 

He reaches down and cups my cheek in his hand. Leans over and kisses me. Still sitting on the toilet lid. Fucking red underpants staring at me. Bulge moving slightly under the fabric. 

I don’t know what to do. I yank off the other leg of his jeans. Grab the edge of the sock. He has beautiful feet. Long and slim. 

The sound of the bathwater sloshing. His hands on my face. I lean over and lay my head on his lap. Kiss his leg. Oh, fucking hell. I actually kiss his leg. Again and again. Moving up to wards that red. I am like an oversexed bull in a bull ring. I can’t stop staring. Can’t stop leaning towards the red. I actually have my face against his dick. Through the cotton y fronts. Moving my head up and down. Feeling the swell under my touch. His cock jumping slightly with each touch.

Even's mouth making little sounds above my head. His hands on my head, grabbing my hair. Pulling. My hands on his thighs. Me on my knees. What the fuck am I doing. Nuzzling into his groin. Smelling him. Softly gently. Moving my head so I am kissing his cock. The fabric straining against my lips. Against his cock that is almost fully erect. God I want to see it. I want to touch it. 

I kiss. I lick the fucking cotton. I push my face into him. I am making some pretty disgusting sounds. Whimpering with greed. With need. I fucking need. I don’t know why or how, but I fucking need him. 

‘’Even’’ I groan out. Kissing his stomach. Kissing up his chest. My hand moving onto his cock. Stroking him through his pants. Hard movements up and down. 

He grabs my arms and yanks me up. Pushes me hard against the cold tiles on the wall. Pushes his body against me whilst he smashes his lips to mine with a growl. Hands moving down to rip the button of my jeans from its slit. Ripping the zip down so he can get his hand in my trousers. His hand on my cock. On the skin. Straight up. Fingers around the shaft. That is so in the game by the way. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know how I am being brave. But my hands are around his cock. Under his pants. Skin on skin. Hand on fucking cock.

My tongue is so far down his throat that he can barely let those moans he is making come out. Lips on his lips. My hand pumping his dick. Hard and fast. Just how I would do it if I was wanking. But I am not wanking. Even is pumping my cock so fast that my head is spinning. 

I have to close my eyes. I can’t see anyway. All I can do is whimper into his mouth. My tongue on his tongue. My finger sliding over his slit as I pump his foreskin up and down at a ridiculous speed. His chest pressing me against the tiles. His hand flying up to grab my hair, pulling it tight in his grip as he lets out a groan. As he comes over my hand. Over my cock. Warm fluid trailing between my fingers as I pump him. He is biting down on my lip. Pressing his nose into mine. Moaning. His hand pumping. Stroking. I am panting. Squealing. Whimpering with need. I am going to come. I am falling. My head going blank. My thoughts all gone. Just dark. Tiny smatterings of stars behind my eyelids as I come. As I shoot all over him. My hand cramping under the fabric of the damn red underpants. His cock limp against my fingers. His lips kissing mine. Repeatedly. The damn bathwater still sploshing as it hits the cold metal off the bath.   
‘’Thank you’’ He whispers, His lips kissing my cheek. My ear. My skin. ‘’Thank you.’’  
I can’t even speak.


	8. Rub a dub

Even  
I end up slumped over with my head on his shoulder. Laughing to myself. I mean that was by far the hottest thing I have ever done. Or had done to me. Like even in my wildest fantasies it wasn’t as good as that. 

‘’Wow’’ he whispers against my collarbone. Which makes me giggle. I Put my hands against the wall either side of his head, letting my forehead lean against his. Rub my nose against his. Kiss him softly on those gorgeous lips of his. All red and swollen and soft against my mouth.  
‘’That was by far the hottest thing ever’’ I laugh. Smiling to the point of my cheeks hurting.  
He kisses me again. Wet and hot. A little bit of tongue against my lips. 

There is come on my hand. There is now come om the bathroom wall too. And on Isak. And on my underpants. I step back and dip my hands in the bath, then reach up turn of the tap. Trying to figure out what I say now. What is the etiquette of speech when you have just had your hand on another mans cock. 

‘’That worked out well. It’s kind of a perfectly run bath’’ I smile at him. He is stepping out of his jeans. Hands holding onto his briefs, like he doesn’t know whether to get naked or get dressed again.

‘’Get in the bath Even’’ He winks at me. That’s kind of unexpected. Hot.  
‘’Only if you join me’’ I can play too. I am kind of blushing but this is fun. Different. But definitely fun.  
He is just staring at me. All smiles. Sexy as fuck. Reaches behind his back and grabs the collar of his t-shirt. Drags it over his head.  
I kind of just stare back. He is ripped. Gorgeously fit. Like better than in my wildest dreams fit. He fucking has a six-pack. I can hear how loud I am breathing.  
He holds his t-shirt bunched up in his hand in front of him. Looking worried.  
‘’What’s wrong?’’  
‘’Nothing. You are just seriously fit. Beautiful’’  
Now he is blushing. Smiling.  
‘’You are beautiful. Like everywhere. Sexy’’  
‘’Sexy?’’ Nobody has ever called me that before.  
He walks up to me and kisses me gently again. Trails his fingers over my chest. Runs them down to the elastic on my underpants. Snaps the elastic against my skin.  
‘’Get in the bath sexy pants’’  
I kiss him back, holding back my giggles.  
‘’Sexy pants?’’  
He is blushing like crazy. Smiling. Hiding his face in my neck again. 

I just do it. Pull down his undies. Kiss him whilst I drop mine to the floor. Make us both step out of them. We are now naked. Naked and happy. My cock jumping around again. His semi erect. I can’t help it. I have to sneak a peek. Gorgeous. Big. A bit bigger than me. Thick around the shaft. Soft and round on the top. Dried come sparkling in the sharp light from above.  
We step in the bath together, awkwardly sitting down. Me against the edge. Him on my lap. Sliding down between my legs as we kind of find a way to both fit. Legs curled around each other. My arms over his shoulders. My face back buried in his hair. My new favourite place to be. 

‘’If someone had told me this morning that you would be in the bath with me naked tonight I would never had believed them’’ he says. Leans back and angles his face up so he can look at me.  
I kiss his forehead. ‘’Why not? Did you not like me or something?’’ That kind of comes out wrong.  
‘’Of course, I liked you. I mean you are the most handsome man I have ever seen. You are like some top model in a magazine.’’  
‘’Hardly. I’m skinny and spotty and kind of a nerd’’  
‘’Even you are the coolest person I know. You are definitely no nerd’’  
‘’Not like you. I mean look at you, you are all cool and popular. Hundreds of friends on Facebook and stuff.’’  
‘’Like that matters. Nobody does Facebook anymore. And I hardly know any of those people. It’s all people I went to school with. Hung out with at some point. People I played football with. Nobody I really know that well. Nobody that matters. Well apart from Jonas. A few people at school.’’  
‘’Well I have like 11 friends on Facebook. One is my pensioner uncle, one is my Mum, one is my 13-year-old cousin. It’s pretty pathetic.’’  
‘’You actually have 15 friends. I cyber stalked you’’ He is smiling again. Mischievous. Makes me bite the tip of his nose. Just gently.  
‘’Still nerdy. Pathetic’’  
‘’I still like you. I will be your 16th friend on bloody Facebook.’’  
‘’Thank you. That’s so kind of you.’’ 

He smiles back at me. Kisses my chin. Kisses my cheek. Entwines his fingers in mine. Wiggles his bum against my cock. Which is a bad bad move. Since I am still hard behind him. Can’t help it.  
‘’Sorry. Can’t control my dick with you naked on my lap’’  
‘’It’s OK.’’ He kind of nuzzles into me the way he does.

I am kind of realizing his little ways. How his confidence falters and he needs to top up on bravery by holding onto me. Breathing against me. Then looking up like he has been a little bit rejuvenated. Found a little strenght. He swallows hard. I let my fingers lift his chin. So he is looking at me again. Tiny bit of fear in his eyes. Blinking.  
‘’Have you done this before? With anyone else?’’ His voice trembles a little when he speaks.  
‘’No. I’m kind of…’’ I don’t want to say it. I mean it’s pathetic. ‘’I haven’t been with anyone like this. I’ve never been very good with people. I mean people I like. I chicken out. I don’t know how to flirt. I don’t know how people do it.’’  
‘’Me neither’’ He sounds a little bit more confident now. ‘’I don’t understand how guys go out and just pick each other up. Like’ Hey Hello want to come back to my place and shag?’ I would never be brave enough to do that. And if someone flirts with me I just don’t get it. Jonas keeps telling me that these girls are giving me ‘’the eye’’ and shit and I’m like what? Who? It’s like I haven’t got a clue. I don’t notice it.’’  
‘’But you don’t like girls? Or are you bi?’’  
‘’I think I am pretty much gay. Always have been. Never really interested in girls.’’  
‘’Does everyone know? I mean, Are you Out? Like does your parents know?’’  
‘’No, hell no. Haven’t found a way to be brave enough. Talk about pathetic. Jonas knows. Eskild keeps calling me his baby gay brother. Says he has a fool proof gaydar.’’

I laugh and kiss him. Little soft kisses on his lips.  
‘’What about you? Does your parents know?’’ He is looking at me again. Honest and questioning. Eyes looking into mine. It makes it hard to breathe. Like I can’t believe he is mine. That He is here with me. That we kind of just made out. Kind of had sex. Came all over each other.  
‘’My parents know. I kind of told them when I was younger that I was going to marry a boy. Never changed my mind.’’  
He laughs. Kisses me back.  
‘’I haven’t told people at work though. Not that it matters. It just hasn’t come up in conversation. People tend to ask if you are single. Then you can just say ‘’yeah’’ and you kind of don’t have to explain yourself.’’  
‘’Cool’’ He says.  
I let go of his hand and let myself touch his chest. Feel his muscle under his skin. Hard and soft at the same time. 

‘’Did we just kind of have Sex? Or is that classed as making out.?’’ It’s bad enough that I don’t know myself. Even worse that I am asking him. I really can’t control my mouth around him. It’s like I have taken some fucked up honesty serum and I am just talking rubbish. Not cool Even. Not Cool.  
‘’Snogging with a happy ending? He laughs and kisses my cheek again. Strokes my skin with the tip of his nose. ‘’I think technically it was a hand job. So, we can tick that off the list. What do you want to try next?’’ He is laughing but his cheeks are flushed. So are mine.  
‘’Blow jobs? Lots more kissing.’’ I kiss his head. Kiss his cheeks. Let my fingers stroke his nipples under the water. 

‘’Sounds good. Are you warmed up yet? This water is getting cold. And I am starving. I think we need to order Pizza.’’  
‘’All this making you hungry?’’  
‘’Ravenous. I can’t get my hard on to go away either. It’s getting embarrassing.’’ He chuckles. I love this cheeky side of Isak. I haven’t seen it before. He is really funny. Sweet. Wonderful. Honest.  
I kiss him again. Hard. Letting my hand grab his cock under the water. Stroking in gently as he closes his eyes and leans back against my shoulder.  
‘’When we get out of the bath, once you have been fed. I am going to put your cock in my mouth.’’  
He whimpers slightly. I grip him harder. Pump his cock. Rub his nipple with my finger.  
‘’Then I am going to suck you. Make you feel good. Make you do these gorgeous moans you are doing for me. Make you come.’’ I am kissing his hair. Kissing his ear. Sucking his neck. Licking him. Tasting him. Wondering if he will get a hickey if I suck any harder.  
His breath is staggered. His back arching up. I am pumping his shaft. I think I might sound like I am in a bad porno production. Spouting out rubbish in his ear. I can’t help it though. He is fucking gorgeous like this. His face against my neck. Kissing my skin. Trembling under my arms. His cock hard as rock in my hand. My arm holding firm against his chest. My cock rubbing against his back. Hard and fast. Water sloshing. Moans and gasps. His fingers scratching the skin on my arm when he comes. Breathing and moaning against me.  
I have absolutely no shame. I shout his name when I come. Loud. Rubbing my cock frantically against his back. Definitely marking his neck as I bite into his skin to muffle my screams. 

We are both breathing far too fast. Both spent. Some suspicious looking floating white bits hanging around in the water. 

There is a knock on the door.  
‘’Isak? Are you Ok?  
‘’Yeah’’ He replies. ‘’Just having a wank’’  
There is no reply. But we both explode with laughter.


	9. Sex. God. And porny shit.

Even  
We are pretty grown up and responsible adults. I mean I grab the shower head and clean down the bathtub. Wipe the edges with the towel. All whilst Isak is giggling hysterically. And my face is red with held back laughter. 

I have a towel around my waist. Isak has put his underpants back on. Holding all our clothes wrapped up in a ball in front of him. Cradling them over his chest. I lean over and kiss him. Soft little pecks on his lips. His lips that are curled into a ridiculous smile. 

My chest is full of bubbles. Like my veins are full of drugs of some kind. I’m still on some kind of high. Not that I am complaining. I could quite happily stay like this for the rest of my life. Happy and fearless. Satisfied yet ridiculously horny for more. I can’t get enough of him. Of how his lips taste. His skin against mine. The amazing feeling when he holds his arms tight around me. 

‘’Are you ready for this?’’  
‘’What?’’ I ask. Grinning like I am a crazy person.  
‘’You do realize that Eskild will be standing in the hallway ready to interrogate us. Do you think you can handle that?’’  
‘’Well we can just tell him to piss off, can’t we?’’ I hope so. I don’t really want to socialize right now. I just want to do more sexy things with him. And maybe eat pizza. Drink about a litre of water. Kiss him. Like kiss him for about an hour. Or two. 

He strokes my chin. Kisses me again. His tongue around mine. Moaning a little when I push him against the wall. Let my chest press against him. With far too much clothing piled between us.  
‘’Come on, let’s make a run for it….’’ I whisper between kissing him. Between his lips sucking on my bottom lip. Making me lisp like a child.  
He puts his hand on the lock. Grabs my hand. 

He is right of course. The person that must be Eskild is casually leaning against the wall. Arms folded. Sporting a very delighted smirk at the sight of the two of us. Hand in hand. Isak pulling me towards his room. 

‘’Piss off Eskild’’ Isak is laughing. Eskild is winking.  
‘’Just checking that he is not some axe murderer Isak’’ Eskild warns. Leaning slightly on his hip. Eyeing me up.  
‘’Not an axe murderer. Promise.’’ I try not to laugh as Isak pulls me into his room and kicks the door shut. Stands there. Looks at me again. Laughs a little. Blushes again.

He turns around and lets the ball of clothes fall on the floor. Adjusts waistband of his briefs. Slowly. Like he is gathering courage to speak again.  
‘’What happens now? I mean. Do you want me to go?’’ I am doing stupid honesty again. Well not so stupid. I know we will have to get to know each other. We need to work at this. Figure out how normal people to all this. How to be with each other. How to be in love. In lust.  
‘’Fuck no, no don’t go.’’ He is looking at me again. Meeting my eye. He is so beautiful. Makes me all week in the knees again. Looking at me with all his sadness and honesty. ‘’Sorry about him. Eskild has no sense of personal boundaries. No sense of privacy. That’s just the way he is. He’s a good friend. He is only looking out for me. Making sure I am OK. Like some weird parent in a way. I mean he is 23. Pretty old. Kind of cool in a way though.’’ 

He stops and lets his shoulders fall. Arms limp by his side.  
‘’I talk too much. Sorry’’  
I sit down on a chair. Hands on my knees. Still looking at him. ‘’No, you don’t. I like when you talk.’’

Then there is that awkward silence again. The one where we are quiet. Where he is fiddling with his fingers. Where I sit there watching him like an idiot. Wondering if he will let me stay. If he will let me sleep in his bed. Hold him.  
‘’Come lie down with me. In bed. Please.’’ He walks over to the bed. Shaking out the duvet and curling up underneath it as he sits down. Swings his legs under the covers. Looks at me. Eyes a little sad. A little lost again. 

I drop my towel as I stand up. Dive in. Well kind of fall with no grace. Legs everywhere as I try to get the duvet to cooperate. Both of us pulling and tugging. I kind of grab him. A little awkwardly. But I know what I want. I want him on my chest. Like a proper cuddle in bed. Thank God. His leg firmly over mine. Arm over my chest with his hand curling up around my neck. His face against my cheek. Lips on mine. Perfect. Perfect. I let out an embarrassingly loud sigh. Making him laugh and kiss me again. 

‘’Can I stay with you? Sleep here? I mean, I don’t want to go.’’ Gosh I sound desperate. But I am. I don’t want to go anywhere. Ever again. I am like moving in. Now.  
‘’Of course, I don’t want you to go. I know people say you should take it slow and kind of get to know each other and go and dates before you even kiss and stuff’’  
‘’I think we missed that part’’ I interrupt. ‘’I mean we haven’t even had a date yet. But I have kissed you. And kind of… I don’t know… had a hand-job. Kind of thing. ‘’

He smiles. Strokes my cheek. ‘’I will take you out on a date one day. Wine you and dine you. When I am rich and can take you out somewhere posh. " He kisses me again. Little soft kisses smacking against my lips.  
I move onto my side, curling up around him as he is curling around me. Our chests tight together. Lips on lips. Noses rubbing. Laughing.  
‘’We can have little dates every day. You come in and have coffee with me after school and I will take my break and sit down with you. Then when I am finished we can go home. Have dinner together. I mean you can come home with me. Meet my mum. I could cook for us. I like cooking.’’

‘’You still live with your mum?’’  
‘’Yes.’’ I laugh. ‘’Told you I am a total nerd. I want to go to uni next year. I want to study. I just can’t figure out what. So instead I live at home and work in a coffee shop. Read and watch TV. Think about you.’’  
‘’You think about me?’’ He looks up at me with a look of surprise on his face.  
‘’I have had a crush on you for ages. I get all worked up when you come in in the afternoon. Start to sweat. Can’t speak properly. Hope that you will speak to me. Then if you do you make my day. I can’t stop smiling.’’  
‘’You should have said something.’’ He kisses me again. ‘’The only reason I come for coffee every day is so I can look at you. So, I can pretend that you are my friend. It’s stupid, I know. I just get lonely sitting around here every day. Having a pathetic thing for this tall cool dude that makes me coffee. ‘’  
‘’Tell me more about this tall cool dude that makes you coffee. I am getting jealous. Do I need to go and beat him up? Tell him that you are off limits? Tell him that you already have a very nice boyfriend who makes you coffee. I make the best coffee. He can’t compete with me.’’  
‘’No one can compete with you baby. ‘’ 

I am getting so spoiled with kisses. With cuddles. With skin and tongues and lips and him. With his hands on my body. Stroking up and down my back. Fingers trailing over my hip. The back of his hand moving slowly down to where my cock is dancing around under the sheets. Jerking around begging for attention. 

‘’What do you want?’’ He whispers. Stroking the length of me. Soft movements up and down. I just whimper. His tongue in my mouth. His mouth pressing against mine. Hard and heady. His breath staggering as he climbs on top of me. Straddling my chest. 

I put my hands on his back. Move them down so I am cupping his arse. The perfect round globes of hard muscle. Soft skin. Hair against my fingertips. Watching his chest. His perfect rounded pecs. Soft brown nipples. Smooth against my lips as I try to reach. As I try to get him to move up. 

‘’I want your cock in my mouth. I want to suck you. I want you to come in my mouth. From where you are, like this.’’ I kind of sound like a bad porno I think. But I want this. I want this so bad. I want to do all these things. I want him to fuck his hips into my mouth like you see in porn. I am probably an idiot for thinking he wants to do that but he has his knees under my shoulders and his hands on the wall before I even finish speaking. My hand grabbing his dick and letting the tip of his cock touch my lips. Kissing. Licking the slit of his foreskin. He is getting hard under my grip. As I am pumping his shaft in little jerks, trying to hold my head up. God I should have thought this through. Put a pillow behind my neck. 

He gets it. Pushes the head of his cock through my lips. Slowly and carefully. Moaning as my tongue trails around him. Licking. Tasting him. Soft skin filling me up. I hold him tight. Whimpering with greed. One hand on his arse controlling the way his hips move against me. One on his shaft. I am drooling down my chin. Far too much saliva. Wet and sloppy. Fucking sexy. My neck aching trying to hold firm. His hand moving down to hold me. Pulling my hair. Folding around my neck to support me. 

His hips pistoning in little sharp movements. Just in and out. Not all way. Probably not even half in. I just don’t want to choke. I have no idea how to do this. I just know it’s hot as fuck and that I wish I had more hands so I could jerk myself off as well. 

He is whimpering. His breath short and laboured. Almost panting. Chanting ‘’God god oh shit shit shit’’ like it’s a mantra. His forehead against the wall. Eyes closed. Jerking his hips. Pistoning in and out. Faster and faster. My jaws aching with the force. Not in a bad way. In a fucking hot way that makes me feel like I might explode. That I might come on my own. Without anyone touching me. It’s just so hot. Dirty. A little fucked up in my head. A lot of fucked up. I trust him though. He would never hurt me. Not when he is whimpering like this. His face red. Eyes squeezed shut. Mouth frozen in a snarl. Hand against the wall. My neck leaning against his hand. Holding me firm. Tight. 

‘’I can’t hold it. I can’t…..’’ He lets out a growl. It’s the sexiest thing I have ever heard.  
My mouth is filling with warmth. With salt and softness. With flavours that I can’t explain.  
I cough a little. Swallow. Drool like an infant. I don’t know how to do this. I so need practice. Like lots of practice. 

My jaw aches. Spasms as I try to close my mouth as he pulls out. His cock soft and wet. His hand letting go of my head as he falls against the wall. Needing both hands to catch himself. Letting my head drop onto the pillow. My neck smarting with the pain from the muscles. I wince. Groan a little.

I look up at the amazing man above me. Who is looking down at me. Me all sweat covered and drooling. Him flushed and exhausted. Satisfied and tired. Smiling at me. Laughing softly as he is leaning against the wall. Too spent to move. 

‘’I think I love you Even. I do. I think you have finished me off. I think I might have died and gone to heaven.’’  
‘’Did you meet God?’’  
He laughs. ‘’What??’’  
‘’You kept saying God God God..’’ Bad joke. I know. He laughs at me though. It's kind of him. Even when its not that funny. Just a little funny. 

He shuffles down. Throws himself flat on his back next to me. Arms by his side. Smiling at me. Reaches out and tangles his little finger in mine.  
‘’Shall I ring for pizza? Then whilst we wait I might have to sort out that hard-on of yours’’ He winks. Smiles. Cheeky little thing. 

‘’I think I love you too.’’ I mean it. I am the luckiest little fucker on the planet. My cock thinks so too. Waggling with need between my legs. Making Isak laugh again.

He leans over and kisses me. Soft little pecks on my lips.  
‘’Give me a minute. I’ll just grab my phone. ‘’  
I lie there. Watching him pace the room ordering pizza over the phone. His perfect legs. His sexy bum. My hand softly stroking my cock. I feel like I have been transported to another planet. How the fuck did I end up here. How the fuck did I get this lucky.  
He hangs up the phone and throws it on the desk. Turns around and crawls up the bed. In-between my legs.  
I am not going to last. I kind of whimper. Groan. Close my eyes. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this. This. I don’t think at all once his lips find my skin. I just go blank. Shouting his name.  
I am never moving again. I am staying right here. Forever.


	10. Sex Monkeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Evakkk for calling the boys sex monkeys. I am shamelessly stealing it. Best.Word.Ever.

Isak

I am seriously empty. There cannot be any more spunk left in my balls. I will never father children. Empty. All gone. But I am gay so I won’t have kids. I don’t think. Or maybe. 

My brain is shutting down. I think. Well I don’t think because I think I have shot every single one of my brain cells out of my dick. 

I am lying on my back next to Even. Who is not only the most handsome man on the planet but also the sexiest thing I have ever seen. The prettiest boy in the world. All pale and freckled and hair sticking up at every angle. His chest falling and rising at an alarming speed. Eyes closed. Trying to compose himself. Trying to come down from his high. From his orgasm.

I can’t help grinning like a lunatic. Like a deranged person. Like a blissed out grown up who has just spent the whole evening having sex. Well we haven’t technically been anywhere near proper sex. But It is a fact, an absolute truth, that Even is wrecked. Because of me. I did that. Me. Me me me. 

I just had his penis in my mouth. Again. His long thick gorgeous dick. His freaking sexy cock. I had his balls in my mouth too. Just one at a time. Sucking gently. Licking. Stroking. Pulling and pushing. Biting his skin a little with my teeth. I have sucked cock today. Like Twice. Yay!

I have left some marks as well. I can see them. The red blotches all over his neck. On his chest. I have marked his groin as well. I hope they will go all dark so I can see them in the morning. So he will look down and remember that I did that. That I made him moan. Whimper. Beg. He screamed. He shouted so loudly that I had to laugh a little. The little I could laugh. My mouth was a little pre-occupied. Kind of full of him. Coming in my mouth. 

I hadn’t planned too. I thought that was kind of a thing you did after knowing each other for a while. You would pull off and jerk the other dude off in your hand. Not suck them until they explode all over your tongue. Until you almost choke because there is too much stuff in your mouth. Like cocks and skin and come and spit and hands and fingers and…. Gosh I can hardly breathe. I am breathing as fast as Even is. Panting. It was just so fucking hot. 

I must have groaned that out loud. Curling my body around his. Whimpering as I bury my face back in his neck. His arms pulling me tight until we are chest to chest. Arms all around each other. Legs tangling. Feet touching. His are cold. I somehow still have one sock on. I did kind of half-heartedly get dressed so I could get the pizza from the delivery man at the door. I don’t know why I thought one sock would make a difference. 

It’s a little cold. I wish I had the strength to move. Not that I want to let go of him. Never. I am never letting go again. We could do with the duvet though. The duvet we are lying on top of. That is covered in so much come it could probably stand up on its own. Crusty stains all over the striped cotton. I don’t even want to know.

I have had 4 orgasms today. None by my own hand. See? I am a grown up now. I have sex with other human beings. Well with Even. I groan to myself again. Suck another little mark into his neck. Whimpering. Lifting my leg up so it can curl even tighter around his hip. 

He smells of sweat. Of sex. Ugh. I know what sex smells like now. It smells a little like spunk. Tears. Happiness. Mouths and teeth. Skin. Evens skins smells of toffee. Of sugar and spices and him. And a little bit of pizza. Garlic and chillies. Unidentifiable meat marinated in foreign spices. They call it a kebab pizza but what do I know. It tastes of heaven. It is sloppy and covered in garlic sauce. Full of flavours and crusty dough. Filling and soothing. A lot of it is on the duvet cover. Crumbs stuck to my skin. 

His hand is stroking my back. Kneading my bum again. His lips in my hair.   
‘’Do you want to have children one day?’’ My brain has no control over my mouth. Again.  
‘’Yes, maybe. Why do you ask?’’ His voice is wrecked. Tired. Sore.   
‘’I don’t think I have any sperm left. I think I am empty.’’  
He chuckles. ‘’I don’t think you can actually run out of sperm. I think there is like millions in your balls just waiting to shoot.’’ He curls tighter around me. Rubs his nose against my forehead.   
‘’So, when we get married and get a house and a car and have brilliant jobs. Would you like to have kids?’’   
‘’You have known me for less than a day and you want to get married?’’  
‘’You started it. Talking about kids. And yes, I would marry you. You are like a total sexmonkey and you are gorgeous and I love you and you… I don’t know. I think I am totally up for the whole getting married thing. At least doing the boyfriend bit. To start with.’’  
I laugh into his chest. ‘’I can totally do the boyfriend bit. Totally.’’ I chuckle a little. Mutter ‘’Sexmonkey’’.   
‘’You are a sexmonkey. I just lie here all innocently eating my pizza and you just kind of jumped me and put my dick in your mouth and made me knock over a whole bottle of coke. Sorry about that by the way. I will clean it up. When I can move my arms again. I am too tired. Too spent. Sexed out. Your fault. All your fucking fault’’

He is cute when he is knackered. When he is all spent. Limp and relaxed. 

‘’It wasn’t my fault. You were eating pizza naked and waggling your cock in my face. I was only reaching to grab a napkin. And I kind of lost my balance.’’  
‘’So, you kind of fell onto my dick and it accidentally ended up in your mouth?’’  
‘’Yes. Then you dragged me around and made me lie down and then you were sucking my cock and it…’’ I totally lose my nerve. Giggle nervously. ‘’It was really good. Totally horny. Sexy.’’ I can feel my cock swelling. Ugh. I mean it’s the stuff of dreams. Well of porny dreams. Really good porny dreams.

We actually did it. I sucked him off. Whilst he sucked me off. I had to let go of his cock to moan and breathe, stopping to compose myself whilst he was smothering my cock in warmth and wet hot heat. Sucking my skin. Moving his fingers around, fingertips stroking places no one had ever touched before. Ghosting over my arse. Parting my cheeks a little. It makes it hard to concentrate. Even harder to stay still. I kept jerking with every little touch. Moaning and whimpering every time my cock slid out of his mouth. Sucking bruises into his skin when his fingers parted my cheeks. Gently stroking that little place. I blush thinking about it. I don’t want to think about it. I mean I want to do it. I want to get fucked. I totally want Even to fuck me. And all those dirty thoughts. All those embarrassing thoughts of what I want him to do to me swirling around in my brain whilst he was letting his finger touch me, stroking gently over my opening.

Whilst I had his cock in my mouth. Well it fell out every time I moaned. So, I sucked his skin instead. Until I got his cock back where I needed it. Hard and fast against my tongue. Hitting the back of my throat. Making me drool. Making me light headed. Making me wish I knew how to make it better. How to make him feel as good as I feel when he lets me slide my cock in and out of his mouth. Wishing I was as brave as he is. Wishing I had the strength in my arms to let go of his hip and touch him the way he is touching me.   
I love the taste of him when he comes. I love how he becomes limp and soft and small in my arms. Even when I wrapped them around his hips letting my head lean against his legs. His cock soft and wet against my cheek. Pubes in my mouth making me laugh as I spluttered trying to get them out. His arms pulling me back up to him. Me wrapped around him like a baby monkey. Well a sex monkey I suppose.

''I want kids. Two or three. Looking like you, all blonde curls and dimples. That would be cool. I'd like that.'' His voice is distant. Like he talking in his sleep.

I try to nod. Figure out how to agree. I cant move though. My face is stuck against his chest. I think I am drooling a little. 

I fall asleep like that. Fuck the cold. I am not moving. Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scandinavian Pizza has nothing to do with Italy. It was brought to us in the north by Turkish and Yugoslavian immigrants in the 50ies, and is heavily influenced by their cuisines. If you have never had a kebab pizza you have not lived. Also curried prawn and banana pizza is orgasmic.   
> Pizza also always comes with Slovakian slaw, which is a vinegary coleslaw that could make you orgasm hands free. Fact.


	11. Selfies and Underpants.

Even  
I have no idea where I am when I wake up. Apart from that the bedside light is still on and that its light outside. That I am curled up in a ball on a strange bed with the bottom sheet ripped off the edge of the mattress. I have the edge of the sheet in my hand. Trying to cover myself up.  
I am stark naked. Shivering cold. Trying to take the bed apart so I can get warm. 

He is fast asleep. It all comes back to me with a bang. 

I kind of growl a little. Cringe. I can’t believe the stuff I suddenly remember. I wish I didn’t remember. Well I don’t. It was the best night of my life. It’s just I behaved like some kind of depraved sex slut. I don’t think there is any part of Isak that I didn’t have in my mouth at some point. Well I didn’t lick his arse. But I wanted to. I think If I had been able to reach I would have eaten him out like a gourmet dinner. I really lost all control. 

I put my head in my hands. I said some really porny shit to him last night. I swear I asked him to fuck me. Well I shouted a lot. I made him fuck my face. Well that’s what they call it in porn isn’t it? When someone stands there above you and just go for it in your mouth. I whimper a little. 

Isak has got the whole duvet. He is wrapped up like some stripy human sushi roll. Hogging every inch. And both the pillows. Bastard.

I love him though. I think. I told him that I do. Lots. Crazy. I mean that is NOT how you behave on a first date. Were supposed to go for a beer. Talk. Get to know one another. Hold hands walking back to the tram stop. Maybe kiss on the cheek. That’s how it is supposed to be done. I think. Instead we snogged like crazy across central Oslo, then shagged like lunatics for 2 hours, had pizza then had an epic blowjob session and passed out. I mean come on. How are we supposed to go on from here?

I suddenly get why people sneak out in the middle of the night. Why people don’t stay. It just seems much easier to piss off home and not have to deal with the embarrassing fact that I am a crazy perverted sex slut with a blowjob kink and that I have a semi going on and nothing to cover myself with. 

I don’t want to wake him either. I mean what am I supposed to say? Good morning baby boy love of my life future husband, if you don’t mind can we do some porny shit again because my dick can’t stop getting hard?

What if he expects me to have left? What if he wakes up and it’s all embarrassing? What if he says: ‘’Oh, you are still here?’’. I have no idea what the etiquette is. What the rules are.  
I lean off the bed to reach my t-shirt on the floor. Pull it over my head. My jeans are across the room hanging over his chair. I kind of tiptoe across the room. Spot my underpants.  
They are curled into a dried-up ball of cotton cardboard. Oh fuck. I can’t. That is just gross. 

My socks are still in a ball. Damp. And my jeans are still wet. I fish out my phone though.  
4 messages from my mum. Clever Even. Real smart.  
-Sorry Mum, stayed over with a friend. All OK. Will be home later. Love you.  
I feel sorry for mum. She sounds frantic. My phone is always on silent at work. I never put the ringer back on. I do now though, and her reply sends a loud shrill through the room that makes me jump. 

It also makes Isak sit up straight in bed. Squinting at me. Hair a complete mess. Looking adorably confused.  
‘’What are you doing?’’ He blurts out. Yawns. Looks at me.  
‘’Phone’’ I kind of wave it in front of me. Dressed in a T-shirt. Cock on show.  
‘’Come back to bed baby’’ he whimpers. Falls back against the pillows. Holds out the corner of the duvet. 

I don’t hang around. I am around his back within seconds. Spooning him. I am the big spoon. He is my little spoon. Soft warm and slow with sleep. Placing a little lazy kiss on my hand that is tangled in his. My mouth kissing his neck. His ear. His hair. Anywhere I can reach. 

‘’I was going to google rules for first dates. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to stay. Or if I am supposed to sneak out in the morning. Before you wake up’’

Here we go again Even. Talking rubbish. Being a nerd. Spilling all your fucked up ridiculous thoughts without thinking. What about saying something like ‘’Good Morning Sexy would you like me to suck your dick again?’’ Well that is probably not much better. Sex-crazed-pervert alert. I just can’t help it. I am perma-horny. Since last night. Since I discovered what I have been missing out on. That sex with another person is fucking brilliant. I cringe a little into his hair. Sex with Isak is fucking amazing. 

‘’Don’t you dare go anywhere Even. You are staying here with me. All day. Not leaving.’’ He is all groggy. Cute as fuck. Mine.  
Mine mine mine. 

I don’t want him to go back to sleep. I want him awake. Cuddling. Talking to me. Being all cute and gorgeous. Doing sexy things. 

My phone chimes again. Mum. Epic long rants about how irresponsible I am and how worried she has been. I switch the ringer back off. Switch the camera on. Hold it out in front of me. We both fit in the frame. Me with my head leaning against his. Him half asleep with my hand against his lips. It’s adorable. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I take the picture. And again.  
‘’What are you doing?’’ He is leaning up against me. Looking at me. I kiss his nose. Press the button. I kiss him. Hard and deep. Press again. He wraps his arms around me. Swats the phone out of my hand.  
‘’No homemade pornos. Bad bad boy’’  
I burst out laughing. Rub my nose against his.  
‘’Just a selfie. New Facebook profile picture. Me and my naked boyfriend.’’  
‘’You wouldn’t dare.’’  
‘’ No. But it made you smile’’ I kiss him. Again and again. Then I crawl down under the duvet and suck his cock. Long and hard until he screams. Feeds me come down my throat for breakfast. 

 

Isak  
I have a boyfriend. A real proper boyfriend. Who is the most handsome man I have ever seen. Although he could dress better. My jeans don’t fit him at all. My joggers are too short. He is still wearing them. Well it was either that or his damp jeans. 

I love that he is wearing my hoodie too. The red one. He says it’s his favourite. That he is now officially Mr Valtersen. The other Mr Valtersen. I ask if that makes me Mr Bech Naesheim. Then we spend half an hour arguing how to hyphen our names. We still can’t agree. So, he says we are now Mr and Mr Valtersen. Period. I just kiss him. Whisper that I am Mr Bech Valtersen Naesheim thank you very much. 

We have gone out for a walk. He said we need to go shopping for…. Stuff. I agreed. That we need ‘’stuff’’. I am hoping that he is thinking the same thing as I am thinking. That we are thinking of the same kind of ‘’stuff’’. 

He hasn’t stopped taking pictures of us either. We have taken some really cool selfies. Black and white pictures that he puts on his Insta. He has no followers on there, apart from me, so it doesn’t matter. They are gorgeous photos. He is really good.  
He makes me lie down on a bench in the park. Then he lies down the other way around. Both our legs dangling off the edge. Our heads next to each other on the hard wood. Holds the phone up above our heads. We are both smiling. Looking adorable. Gorgeous. Then we kiss.  
The last photo is amazing. I mean it’s a picture of me. I’m an ugly little shit. But next to him I look beautiful. In my black and white kind of awkward self. Looking at him like he is the eighth wonder of the world. A little smile on my face. It sounds soppy but I can’t help thinking that a little bit of him is rubbing off on me. That just standing next to him makes me a better person. A happier prettier person. 

I might be a pretty person in black and white on Insta, but I am a cringey nerd again once we step in to the pharmacy. Even goes straight to the shelf. That shelf. The shelf with the stuff. That ‘’stuff’’.  
I have never bought condoms. How fucked up is that? My dad gave me a pack when I turned 16. They expired and I chucked them out. I mean. Total nerd alert.  
Even is standing there holding up two different brands. Both clearly marked with words like ‘’Magnum’’ ‘’XL’’ ‘’XTRA strong’’. Boxes showing stupid pictures of naked bodies in arty lighting. Like people don’t know what they are for. I blush. Want to hide.  
‘’Do we want extra lubricated or normal?’’  
I whack him on the arm. Hide my face in his jacket. If we meet someone we know now, then I am fucked. I might as well never go to school again.  
He laughs and hugs me. Throws both packs in the basket.  
‘’What else?’’  
‘’Lube’’ I whisper.  
He just laughs at me. Picks a tube off the shelf. Throws in two more.  
I mean it’s OK now. We can walk along here with shit in our basket. We still have to pay for them. And of course, we have chosen the one pharmacy that doesn’t have self-service tills. We must go and pay and interact with a cashier. Who will probably take one look at us and frown. Ask how old we are. If we know what these things are for. If we know how to use them. 

I throw in a pack of toothpaste. A bottle of shampoo. I don’t know why. Just seems like it is more normal if we just appear to be doing normal stuff too. Just not have sex 24/7.  
Even is super cool though. Loads up our stuff on the till. Doesn’t even blink. Smiles at the cashier. Whilst I am hiding in shame behind him. Hoping I won’t die of embarrassment.  
I don’t even think of offering to pay. He just casually does it. Asks for a bag. Takes my hand and walks out. Proud as anything.  
‘’I always wanted to do that. Buy loads of condoms and stuff so people know I am getting laid. Stupid I know, but I have never done that before.’’ He hugs me. Kisses my head. Does a crazy little jump with his feet.  
‘’You are an idiot Even. ‘’ I am laughing. Holding his hand.  
He looks at me. Winks. ‘’I’m your idiot though’’  
‘’My idiot. Mine mine mine.'' I kiss him. About 10 times

We end up going to Steen&Strom, walking around just looking at things. Casually. Like it’s a normal thing to do. Just him and I. Holding hands. Trying on jackets. Looking at cool trainers that neither of us can afford. 

I kind of hope that we will run into someone I know. So I can show him off. But at the same time, it terrifies me in so many ways. Like now I will have to be an adult. I can’t hide anymore. In a very strange way I don’t want to. I don’t want to hide Even. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to kind of do some crazy dance in the middle of the department store and shout ''Look at my gorgeous boyfriend. Isn’t he amazing???'' Not that I would. But I am ridiculously happy. So fucking proud.  
We pass the menswear and I kind of drag him over to the underwear.  
‘’Will you help me?’’ I whisper. ‘’Can you help me pick out some underwear? Like the ones you wear?’’  
‘’You like mine?’’ He smiles. I nod. I wink.  
‘’Did you just wink at me Mr Valtersen?’’ His face is full of laughter.  
‘’I did indeed Mr Valtersen, and I like your underpants’’ I cross my arms. Trying to look all cool.  
‘’Then we shall buy you some’’. I smile. Start looking at all the packages. Pictures of six-packs and big bulges in smart looking cotton briefs.  
Even grabs my arm and drags me around the corner. Says excuse me to some sales lady. Then starts rattling of brand names I have never heard of, and some explanation of how he wants the ones that are a firm with lift at the back.  
‘’They are really comfy, I always buy them’’ he says to me. Mid conversation. With some sales woman. Who then proceeds to measure my waist with a tape measure. Whilst I stand there in complete shock. Looking like an idiot whilst Even just laughs. And then he agrees that I am probably a small. Whilst completely and shamelessly fondling my arse. 

‘’Your brother is really great helping you buy clothes’’ she says to me. Smiling sweetly.  
Even just explodes with giggles. Wraps his arms around my shoulder.  
I just bury my face in his neck again. Oh God. Just take me home.  
‘’Can we go home now?’’ I giggle into his neck.  
‘’Not quite yet. I am sure we can find more embarrassing things to shop for. Ever been to a sex shop?’’  
I whack him on the chest. Look at him sternly.  
‘’We are not going anywhere near any sex shops. Not today’’  
‘’But another day?’’

I kiss him. Then I kiss him in front of the sales lady as she wraps my new underpants in fancy paper and lays them neatly in a ridiculously big and fancy bag. Then he pays for them. Arguing that they might be my undies but they are for him to enjoy so he might as well pay for them.  
Which makes me a little bit wild and crazy. Because I drag him off to the men’s loos. I have no shame. I literally push him into the disabled toilet. Lock the door. Slam him against the wall. Kiss him like I haven’t seen him for a week whilst my hands are all over his arse. Kneading his skin. Then I pull his joggers down. My joggers actually. Go down on my knees whilst he is breathing hard above me. His cock standing straight up. A little wet at the tip. Dropping the shopping bags on the floor as he grips the edge of the sink behind him. Moving his hips in little jerks as I start to lick his balls. Drawing lines up and down his cock with my tongue. Circles around his tip. Tasting him as I lap soft little licks across his slit. Opening the button on my jeans and getting the zip down with a rip so I can get my cock out. Stroking it with my hand at the same speed as I am stroking his. Breathing on his cock. Kissing the top. Then swallowing him down as far as I can take him as he roars above me. His voice echoing against the hard tiles as he moans. Whimpering that he loves me. That he fucking loves me and my crazy dirty mouth and fucking sexy ideas. Best idea ever apparently. 

I am trying to think how to do this right. To take him deep and swallow around him. It still makes me choke. Splutter, Drool everywhere. My hand is jacking him off. Faster and faster. Firmly like I am touching myself. My mouth sucking as hard as I can. Cheeks sucked in. Swallowing around him. Sucking. Drooling. My wrists aching from the strain. 

‘’Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Isak Oh Fuck Oh fuck…’’

I’m sure everyone can hear us. Probably the entire menswear department. We will never be able to come back here again. I will have to order online from now on. I don’t really over think it though. Because Even is coming in my mouth. Warm fluid dripping on my chin. My eyes closed. My hands spasming with the effort of the last strokes. The ones that bring me over the edge. Where my mind goes dark and fuzzy. Where little stars are twinkling behind my eyelids. Where his hands are stroking my hair. Whispering that he loves me. Again and again.  
I come all over my hand. Over the hem of my jeans. On the floor and over his shoes. Staining the outside of the fancy posh bag.  
I fall back on my bum. Sit down on the floor. Cold. My head leaning against his leg.  
‘’Can we go home now?’’ I whisper.  
‘’Let’s go home’’ he whispers back.


	12. This is not the way we roll.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait!   
> ''Loves in Norwegian'' will have an update shortly, and if you have been reading ''Dead Man Walking'', that fic has got 2 bonus Valentines Chapters up live now. Enjoy!  
> There will be another update of What if later this weekend.   
> Thank you again for all the love and kudos and comments.   
> xxxxxx

Even

We are walking along the pavement towards the tram station. Just aimlessly swinging our arms, our fingers firmly tangled up in each other’s grip. I keep glancing over at him. He is not looking at me but he is smiling every time. Grinning this stupid-happy grin that just makes my heart jolt.

It’s been less than 24 hours. Yet it has been months. Months of watching him, wanting him, and dreaming of him. Wishing that he was mine. And now suddenly he is, which is making me do a silly little jump into thin air again. He giggles and snuggles in, letting his arm snake around my back. I kiss him. Loads. Just little pecks on his mouth. I don’t care who is watching. He is mine. Mine mine mine. Mine to kiss, mine to cuddle and mine. Just mine. 

It scares me shitless at the same time. I really don’t know what I am doing. I don’t. I am so far deep in over my head that I shudder when I think about it. I don’t understand how these things work. 

My Mum and Dad have such an easy relationship. They hardly ever argue. Dad comes and goes with work. Mum spends most of her days at home working at her desk. In her pyjamas. Eating chocolate and drinking coffee. Yet they love each other. They so clearly do. There are no rules. Hardly any harsh words. They just exist in each other’s space, effortlessly and intimately. I don’t even know where I fit in it all. I’ve just always been there. Loved and cuddled and supported in all my crazy little ways. I want that with Isak. I want us to be like that. I just don’t know how you do it. How you make another person see that you will just love them forever as long as they love you back. I want him to love me back the way I love him. Just all in. 

I don’t want to do all the dating. I don’t have time for playing games. I have been lonely for so long. Lonely. Sad. Pining and longing for something that I didn’t quite understand until now. I know you are supposed to follow some unwritten rules of starting out a relationship. Like you see in films. Like you read in books. All the slowly getting to know each other, and figuring the other person out. I just don’t want that. I kind of want to skip straight to the end, to the happily ever after. 

‘’I need to go home and change my clothes’’ I say. ‘’I am working tomorrow morning, but maybe we can hang out after? If you want to come in and have coffee?’’ I sound desperate, but whatever. I am.   
‘’I suppose I should go home and do my homework. I guess we should, kind of, go home and have a rest’’ He is looking down. He doesn’t sound so sure of himself.

I am kind of screaming in my head. No no no. I didn’t mean it like that. But I don’t want to push him. I know I am pushing him. Maybe he needs some space. Some time to think. To Chill. I don’t want him to think. I want him to be with me.

‘’Whatever you think’’ I say. Which makes me sound like an arsehole. I am squeezing my arm around him. Holding him so tight against me that he kind of squiggles a bit. So, I let go. Were at the tram stop anyway. Which is fucked up because I have kind of in my head decided we are getting the tram back, when we could have easily walked. But he is tired. I am tired. I just want to get home. With him. Not without him. Not alone.

‘’Shall I come in and see you tomorrow then? What time do you finish work?’’  
‘’Finish at 3. Come in whenever you want to.’’ I am crying inside. I am. I want him to come home with me. Or I will come home with him. Fuck my dirty clothes. Fuck everything.

‘’I can bring your jeans back. They should be dry by tomorrow.’’ His hand is back in mine. Fingers gently stroking the skin on my hand. 

We get on the tram. It’s only four stops but it’s the longest four stops of my life. 

We are silent. Holding hands. He is looking out the window. I am studying the dirt stuck to my shoes. Feeling like I am dying. Too scared to speak up. 

‘’This is my stop’’ I say. Voice gravelly. I feel like crying. I want to drag him off with me. Take him home. But that would be kind of creepy. Like I am kidnapping him or something. He said he wants to go home. So I will be an adult and let him. 

‘’OK’’ he whispers. Hides his face in my scarf again. Breathing in and out heavily. I can feel his chest rising and falling against my arms as I hug him. Squeeze him tight against me. Trying to memorize his smell. The way his body feels against mine. 

‘’I love you’’ I whisper to his hair. 

The doors are opening. People getting off. I am moving. My feet are moving. Letting go of him. Doing the right thing. 

I can feel his eyes following me. I know he is watching. I don’t want him to see me cry. I mean who cries because his boyfriend is going home to do homework. We are not breaking up. He is still mine. 

I am trying to rationalize my thoughts but the bad ones are drowning out everything else. They are like a constant cloud in my head. He let me leave him. He let me go. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of today with me. He wants a rest. A break from me. Because I am a fucking nerd who can’t do this right. Who doesn’t understand. I am too intense. Too much. Too much me. I always am.

I sob. I fucked this up. Tears falling down my face. I can’t look back. I can’t. So I don’t.

Isak

I don’t get it. I don’t know why he is leaving. I didn’t think he would. I thought he would stay. 

The doors are still open. Some old lady at the back struggling to get on. A dad with a pram running towards the stop.

I am a nice person. I shout ‘’Hang on’’ to the driver. Hold my arm in the way of the closing doors. The Dad smiles at me as I help him lift the pram onto the tram. Keeping my eyes on Even. His head hanging down. Hand reaching up to wipe his eyes. 

I don’t know how I know. But I think we fucked this up. I think I was wrong. I think he is wrong. This is not the way we roll. This is not us. Not that I know what we are. What ‘’us’’ is supposed to be. But we are not this. We don’t walk away. We just don’t. So, I leap of the tram as the doors close behind me. Landing feet first in a massive puddle. 

I run. I don’t shout. I don’t call his name. I just run as fast as I can. Letting my feet leap across the water that is pooling on the sidewalk. Keeping my eyes on the curls of his hair at the nape of his neck. 

When I reach him I just grab his arm. Swing myself around so I am facing him. 

I throw myself at him. I am not tactile. I am never elegant. I am like a stampede of wildebeest. Well I am just me. But I am right back where I need to be. In his arms. Getting hugged to death whilst he sobs into my neck. Oh god. He is crying. I hope he is not crying because I am being an idiot. But he is clinging onto me just as hard as I am clinging onto him. And I can’t stop smiling. 

‘’Don’t you fucking leave me. I want to be with you. I don’t want you to go.‘’

I guess I am what they call possessive. I think. Maybe a bit clingy. But I think he is kind of laughing. Whilst he is crying. Which makes no sense. I can taste tears on my lips as I kiss his cheeks. Kiss his lips. Kiss his face. His eyes. My hands firmly around his face. But he is definitely smiling. 

‘’Come home with me’’ He says. ‘’Just stay with me. I don’t care about anything else. I just want to be with you too.’’

‘’OK’’. I beam at him. Kiss him hard whilst we are both smiling, which doesn’t work very well by the way. Our teeth are kind of touching, and our lips don’t quite meet. Both of us chuckling. Giggling like children. Our noses rubbing softly, tip against tip. Forehead against forehead. 

So, I take his hand again. Back where I belong. Then we walk.


	13. Happy

Even  
I keep apologizing. Wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve. I just don’t seem to be able to stop crying. It’s like he has unlogged something in me that I can’t stop. I just sob. Tears running down my cheeks. I am trying to laugh, but it’s crazy tears. My chest convulsing. Snot streaming out of my nose.

He stops and puts his arms around me. Moves my hair off my face whilst he is smiling at me. Wiping tears and snot and sweat and everything else in between with the hem of his t-shirt. My hands around his bare midriff, trying to keep his skin warm. 

‘’Stop apologizing Even’’ he says. Still smiling at me. Wiping my nose again.  
‘’Your t-shirt is wrecked. I’m sorr…’’ His hand lands over my mouth.  
‘’Stop it. No more. No more apologizing. ‘’ Kisses on my lips. Kisses my cheek. A little peck at the tip of my nose. ‘’We have to get better at talking. So we get what we mean. Kind of’’  
He I rambling. I giggle a little.  
‘’You are right. I need to be braver. Tell you things straight. ‘’  
‘’You are the bravest person I know Even. And I love you. So, stop apologizing. ‘’ He kisses me again. God I love getting kissed. I love kissing. I could just keep kissing for the rest of my life. That’s what I will put on my grave stone. ‘’Forever kissed by Isak’’. I tell him that. Which makes him laugh. 

‘’We need to stop snogging on pavements. ‘’ I wink.  
‘’Nope. It’s great. I love it.’’ He winks back.  
‘’Show off’’ I kiss him again.  
‘’Nerd’’ he whispers. Voice full of laughter. 

He takes my hand and we start to walk again. I keep wiping my face with my sleeve. Trying to regain some kind of composure. I bet my face looks like mush. Yet he looks so effortlessly handsome with his hand in mine. Swinging the shopping bags as he walks. 

‘’Shall we make a little rule. For us. Like how we are going to be. So we know’’ I love when he is rambling. Just spurting out little random thoughts as he goes along.  
‘’Absolutely. What are your rules?’’  
‘’Isak and Even rule one. Be honest. If we want space, we have to say so. And it doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other or want to be with each other. Just if I become too much or too clingy or shit then just tell me. ‘’ He is glancing up at me looking a little confused about what he has just said. 

‘’I don’t need space from you. Not yet. I just want to be with you all the time. I suppose you have to go to school, and do your football and things, and I kind of need to work, so we will have time apart. The rest of the time though, If you want me to be with you I will always be there. I just like being with you. I do. It’s not just all the sexy shit you get up to, it’s just being with you. Like being together? Being us. A couple.’’

‘’I don’t want to be alone. Lonely I mean. I am bored and lonely all the time. I don’t want to be lonely.’’ He sounds desperately sincere. Almost sad as he leans over and kisses my cheek. Which makes me burst into tears again. God I am a mess.

‘’I don’t know why I am crying’’ I sob. Smiling.  
‘’Idiot’’ he whispers. Puts his arm around my back. Head on my shoulder.

‘’Isak and Even rule number one. I am changing it. We are never going to be lonely and sad ever again. OK? Good rule?’’  
He laughs. ‘’Epic rule.‘’ He leans up and kisses my cheek again. ‘’I love you. So, no more crying OK?’’

‘’OK’’ I snort phlegm. Cough. Splutter with laughter. I am fucking disgusting. Wipe my face on my arm again. ‘’What is rule number two then?’’  
‘’Rule number two is..’’ He takes a deep breath. ‘’Texting. Let’s keep texting each other when we are not together. Just say hi every now and then. It would just make me happy. Knowing that you are there. Thinking of me. I will text you too. Like let’s keep talking when we are apart.’’  
‘’I love that’’ I say. 

I do. Awesome. I can do that. We can do that. ‘’Rule number 3. Can we kind of decide that we try to sleep in the same place if we can? I would hate to sleep alone if I know you are like 15 minutes away from me. I get that there will be times when we won’t, but I am kind of addicted to the idea of sleeping next to you every night.’’  
‘’Good rule. I like that too.’’ He kisses me on the lips this time. ‘’I can’t think of any more rules. Apart from that there are no rules. We just have to kind of figure this out. I don’t think we have to follow all the fucking dating rules. Let’s just do what we want to do. I want to spend my time with you. That’s it.’’

‘’Me too.’’ I stop outside the door. Punch the code in. ‘’4210. The code for the door. I’ll program it in your phone later so you can come any time.’’ Which earns me another kiss. A soft lingering one with tongues that make me a little weak in the knees. 

I had kind of let myself forget that my Mum is fuming mad at me for not coming home last night. She is shouting at me as soon as I open the door, which is kind of awkward since Isak and I are standing in the hallway as my Mum hurls abuse at me from somewhere in the apartment. She stops and just stares at us when she comes around the corner. Stunned into silence which makes me laugh.  
‘’Mum this is Isak. My boyfriend. Isak this is Mum.’’  
Isak reaches out his hand, looking all polite and sincere. Mum does just what I do. Which is freaking embarrassing. She does that little silly jump that I do too. Shakes her hands in the air and wraps him up in a hug. Squealing.  
He takes it well, I must say. Laughs and hugs her back.  
‘’Oh my God Even, he is just gorgeous!! Oh God. I am so rude! Hi, Hello I’m Klara, Even’s Mum.’’ 

Mum is in hysterics. Smiling like a crazy person. Pinching my cheeks. Oh God. She is pinching his cheeks too. Dragging him into the living room whilst he is trying to get his shoes off. Still wearing his jacket and holding onto the shopping bags.  
Luckily I kind of think on my feet. Get the bags off him and go and hide them in my room. Jog past them and head for the kitchen. Grab a couple of beers.  
Mum has Isak sat down next to her at her workstation. I mean it is impressive I know. She is explaining all the screens to him. All excited and animated. Forgetting that she is wearing a pyjama with deranged looking penguins on it and that she has probably not brushed her hair at all this week. Crazy curls all over the place. Glasses perched on her head.  
Mum loves her job. She subtitles films and shows for the state broadcasting cooperation. So, we are pretty lucky in that we get to watch everything way before anyone else. Her workstation has 4 big computer screens, loads of keyboards and shit and every dictionary under the sun thrown on the floor below her. It’s like some crazy undercover office that takes up most of our living room, but hey, we hardly use it to watch TV since we all sit and watch mums work films and help her proof read the subtitles. It drives us all a bit crazy since we tend to proofread shit on TV too. Dad and me both shouting PAUSE like idiots at the live TV when we spot a mistake. 

Isak looks well impressed though. Asking lots of questions. Mum is in her element. Smiling. She is freaking flirting. I just stand there holding the beers, watching them interact. Proud as fuck.  
‘’What is your favourite thing to subtitle?’’ Isak asks. I kind of cringe. I know this one.  
‘’I do a little side-line translating porn movies. It’s hilarious. I am fluent in dirty talk in over 50 languages. Most companies don’t care what the subtitles actually say so I just tend to make it up. I just make them say filthy things and still get paid.’’ She howls. Isak laughs. I cringe with my head against the wall.  
‘’Mum..’’ I bang my head against the plasterboard.  
‘’Oh, don’t be a prude Even. It’s pretty hilarious. And it pays well.’’ She grabs a beer off me, and hands it to Isak, letting their bottles clink together before raising her bottle to me.  
‘’I love you baby boy, and welcome to the family Isak. We are crazy but we love you already.’’

She pinches Isak’s cheek again. I just want to die. But then I look at him laughing at me and I melt. We are family now. How freaking awesomely cool.  
I drag the armchair over to where they are sitting and curl up. Reach out for Isak who sits down on my lap. Makes himself a snug little home with his arm around me. Mum nattering on about the sci-fi thriller she is working on. Explains that he must shout pause if he spots a mistake in the subtitles and otherwise just enjoy. He nods. Takes a sip. Turns and looks at me.  
He looks so amazingly happy. At ease. Relaxed. Arm around me. I can feel myself getting all emotional again. Trying to swallow the lump in my throat. 

I have him. He has me. 

I get it now. I get 'happy'. 

Mum presses play. Smiles at me with that proud smile she does. Mouths ‘’He’s handsome!’’ and gives me a thumbs up. I just beam back. Kiss Isak’s cheek. He wiggles his bum and leans into me so we are all snug in the armchair. Him on my lap. Me with my feet up on the desk. Mum leaning back in her office chair as the credits roll on the screen.

I am happy. I am. I am so freaking happy it scares the fuck out of me.


	14. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this is a really long one, but I wanted to give Isak a bit of a backstory to catch up with Even. So Next chapter we are back on track. There will be smut. Virginal sex. And that talk about condoms. 
> 
> I will update Loves In Norwegian next so the next update should drop at the end of the week. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and comments and kudos. xxxxx

Isak.  
I stretch out like a cat. Trickles of sunshine coming through the blinds. Warm bed and soft sheets. Pillows everywhere. I mean Even has some kind of pillow-kink going on, there are about 10 of them on the bed and even more scattered around the room. I mean the whole room is almost like a padded cell in a way. Soft pillows and curtains and beanbags and this lovely bed in the middle.

I am smiling so hard my cheeks are aching.

Even woke me up at some ridiculous hour this morning so he could kiss me good bye and tuck me in. Whispered that I should stay in bed and sleep. That he loved me. That I was the most gorgeous person in the whole wide world. I don’t even remember half the things he was whispering to me. I remember his kisses on my skin. The smell of him, all clean and freshly showered. Toothpaste and mint and soap. 

His Mum is really funny. I like her. I like how she treated me just like she treats Even. Kissed me on the cheek. Asked me lots of questions. Looked after me, making sure I was comfortable. Happy. Not hungry. Fed us some microwave meals that tasted of plastic, whilst laughing that she can’t cook, wont cook and never will ever go anywhere near that monstrosity of a stove in the kitchen. Apparently, the Dad cooks for them when he is home and the rest of the time they eat junk food. Which is quite funny. She is still more of a Mum than my Mum. 

My mum pissed off when I was 5. Left me with Dad, and a half empty house. Both of us broken and crumbling and confused. I still don’t understand it. I have so many questions, yet I have no desire to ask them. I don’t think Dad understands either, and he is still just as broken as he was then. Maybe I am too hard on him at times. Maybe I shouldn’t blame him as much as I do. Maybe I have got it all wrong anyway. I don’t know. I don’t know shit. 

I mean I feel fine. Physically. Emotionally I am absolutely drained. I kind of understand why people need space now. I just need to lie here and process. I need to get my thoughts straight. My head screwed on. My brain in gear. 

And fuck. I need Even. I need to snuggle into him and have him hold me. That’s all I can think about. I miss his body against mine. Like we slept last night. 

We didn’t have sex, I mean it wasn’t even a thought in my head when we went to sleep. We were both tired. Weary. We took turns in the bathroom down the hall, brushed our teeth (Oh god I hope I borrowed his toothbrush and not his Dad’s) and cleaned up. I washed my face. Closed the door behind me when I walked back into his room. Watching him set the alarm on his phone wearing nothing but underpants. Green ones this time. Still the same brand, hugging his hips and showing off his bulge. 

I crawled into bed next to him, still wearing my T-shirt. He turned the light off and wrapped his arms around me. Struggling to get comfortable with the fabric between us. Huffing and puffing as he clumsily undressed me, yanked the top over my head and threw it across the room with a little giggle. Big contented sighs as he pressed his chest against my bare back.   
‘’I love you’’ he had whispered.  
‘’Love you back’’ I had giggled. Stroking his arms. Lacing my fingers in his.

When I am with Even my headspace is all happy and clear. When he is not here I feel all confused. Lonely and abandoned. Making my stomach drop. I just want to get up and run. Run to him so he can hold me and make me strong and brave and happy again. 

I wonder if it would be rude to go back to sleep. Just to lie here safe and warm until he comes back and lies down next to me. Kisses me and tells me he loves me. I wonder if his Mum would mind. 

I get up. I mean I need the toilet. I find my clothes. Get myself dressed whilst crossing my legs. I need to go. Hobble awkwardly down the hall. Fuck I might just wet myself. 

‘’Morning Sweetie’’ comes from the living room. Loud and clear. Chirpy and cheery.  
‘’Morning’’ I sound all gruff. I lock the door to the loo. Look at my face in the mirror as I do the longest wee in history. Never ending. Splashing and sploshing against the porcelain. Wearing my posh new underpants. Most comfortable underpants in the world. I am never buying cheap crap from H&M again.

Hello. Awkward. Now I must go and be all polite and sociable with his Mum. I mean I would be an arse if I just snuck out. Especially since she was all cool and kind to me last night. 

She is back at her workstation, all screens on. Headphones on. Turning around the minute I set foot over the threshold, like she has eyes in the back of her head or something. Fucking freaky.

‘’Hi Sweetie, go grab some coffee in the kitchen and whatever you can find that is edible. I’m sorry I’m not a domestic goddess, but there might be biscuits and Even usually buys fruit and stuff. And would you be a darling and bring me a coffee when you come back out?’’ She is smiling at me. Looking all Mumsy and kind and sincere. Yet she looks a mess. Wearing another washed out pyjamas, and big chunky knitted socks. I don’t know if I love it or hate it, but part of me is screaming on the inside. Part of me wants to hug her for being so kind to me. Another part of me needs Even so badly that I think I am going to faint. The rest of me just shuffles awkwardly towards the kitchen. 

‘’Oh yes, and Even asked me to let him know when you woke up so you might want to text him, otherwise he will worry.’’ I pop my head around the corner, but she has her headphones back on, and is typing away. Biting her bottom lip and squinting at the screen. Glasses still on her head. 

She wasn’t kidding about there being not much food. But I fish my phone out of my pocket and text Even. He has already texted me twice which makes me feel all warm and mushy inside. Just a little ‘’Good morning Sleepyhead’’ and a ‘’Love you’’.  
‘’Hi baby, I’m up and making your Mum a coffee. What should I eat for breakfast?’’ I smile as I send it.  
‘’Morning love of my life’’ Comes straight back. ‘’There might be an apple on the side and I have stashed toast in the freezer if you fancy some. The butter is ok in the fridge, but I wouldn’t touch the ham. Dad hasn’t been home for a week so I doubt anything else is fresh.’’  
‘’Where has your Dad been for a week?’’ Nosy. But I have to ask.  
‘’Long distance Lorry driver. He is somewhere in Poland at the moment. He should turn up by Wednesday if we are lucky.’’  
‘’Coolest parents ever. Don’t tell me he has a side line business in porn too.’’  
‘’Oh Yes. He is known as ‘’Big-Dick Naesheim’’ in the business. He’s quite famous. Google him’’  
‘’Really?’’  
‘’No, you idiot, Dad’s an ugly fucker, and is NOT a porn star. Honest. Thank God!’’

I chuckle to myself. Find the coffee and the coffeemaker. Rummage through the freezer for toast and load the toaster. Find the butter. Wonder if I should throw away some of the stuff in the fridge. I mean there is a seriously weird looking piece of what must have been a cucumber stuck to the bottom of the vegetable drawer. And the cheese is so mouldy it’s not even funny. 

‘’Isak? I can smell toast. Could you make me some too? Please babe?’’   
His Mum just called me babe. I mean ‘’Babe’’. I have to laugh. I mean who does that?  
‘’OK’’ I shout back. I look around in the cupboards for marmalade. I mean anything. There is rice and pasta and all kind of weird and wonderful spice blends and ingredients, but no fucking basics. I mean even I would have had marmalade. At least jam. I still manage to produce perfectly brown toast with melted butter along with some decent coffee that I place down carefully next to the keyboard on the desk.

‘’God I love you darling, thank you thank you!! I am right in the middle of this crap educational video on fork lift trucks. I mean, I could probably drive one after doing this. And the dialogue, oh God Isak, it’s so dreary!! I wish I could spice it up a bit. I really want him to say something rude somewhere but it’s so straight laced I can’t even turn it into some kind of smutty innuendo.’’ She sighs. Stuffs a piece of toast in her mouth. She hasn’t even taken her eyes off the screen.   
‘’Anyway, did you sleep OK? Come join me with your coffee. Keep me company.’’

I curl up on the armchair next to her. Watch the German dude demonstrating fork lift driving. Laugh at her running commentary of his instructions. She is making it up of course. Making him say rude inappropriate things. I giggle. Eat my toast. Drink coffee. Laugh. Make some suggestions. Help her name the dude. And his wife. And their child and dog. We laugh until we are in hysterics. 

I don’t want to leave. Yet I do. She hugs me and tells me to come back anytime.

‘’I say this to Even all the time. This is our home. It’s our little sanctuary. Our safe space. This is where we can just be ourselves. Lounge around. Be silly. Relax. Not worry about anything. That goes for you too Isak. This is your home too. So anytime you need to come home, please do. Just turn up. I’ll always love the company. Remember that OK?’’ She kisses my forehead.   
‘’Look after my baby, ok?’’ 

I nod. Walk out and close the front door behind me. I need to go home. 

Home is not the apartment. It never has been. Home was the house I grew up in. Which we sold. I mean Dad hated living there. I don’t blame him.   
Then he met Anita. Who was nice. Dad was obviously smitten. So, he asked her to move in with him, and went and bought this posh apartment down by the Opera house. Sold the house. Showed me my room. A brand new freaking room with panoramic windows over the water.   
I was an idiot. I was angry. I was 16 and jealous and angry and pathetic. I left. Found the room in the shared apartment and made my Dad sign for the rent. I left him. Then she left him too. Which must have absolutely killed my Dad. 

I think about it as I sit on the tram. I think about how I would feel if Even just broke up with me. If he never spoke to me again. I don’t think I would survive. Not after this weekend. Not after kissing him and loving him and all the stuff we have been through over the last couple of days. I don’t know how my Dad has survived. And I feel like an arsehole.

I head to Dad’s place. The apartment that could have been my home. It should have been home. I should have been a better son I think. Not so self-centred and cold and angry.

Dad is sitting on the sofa. Drinking coffee. In his normal gear. Sweats and a t-shirt. He hasn’t shaved for a few days and his fringe is flopping over his eyes. People always say he looks exactly like me. Or that I look exactly like him. I suppose we are the same. All hair and curls and limbs and awkwardness and ridiculous attempts at conversation.

He just grunts in surprise when he sees me. Nods towards the coffee maker.   
I grab a cup and sit down next to him. Put my feet up on the coffee table next to his. Both of us wiggling our toes.   
‘’How’s school?’’ He asks. I shrug my shoulders.  
‘’Work OK?’’  
He laughs. ‘’Yes, same old same old. Same bunch of idiots chasing the same deadlines. Same old projects.’’  
He shrugs his shoulders. Takes another sip of coffee.   
‘’I’ve got a beloved’’ I blurt out. I didn’t think I was going to, but somehow, I did.   
‘’Wow, great!’’ Dad actually sounds enthusiastic. ‘’What’s his name?’’  
‘’His’’? I catch my breath.   
‘’It’s a him, isn’t it?’’ Dad looks at me. All serious. ‘’I mean Isak, I may be wrong but I have always thought that maybe you were gay. I’m sorry if that’s wrong.’’  
‘’You’re not wrong’’ I am whispering. My face red. ‘’His name is Even, and he is lovely. You will like him. He is really nice. Funny.’’   
‘’Cool’’ Dad is actually smiling.   
‘’How did you know Dad? That I …’’ I stutter a bit. ‘’That I like boys?’’  
‘’I’m your Dad kiddo. It’s my job to know. And the porn stash you left behind under the wardrobes at the house was a bit of a hint. And the browsing history on the laptop.’’ He is laughing at me.   
I laugh back. Feeling all lightheaded. It’s funny how just sitting here has made me feel better.   
‘’I’m sorry I have been a crap son lately. I should have spent more time with you. ‘’  
Dad leans over and puts his arm around me. Plants an awkward kiss on my head.   
‘’You have been great kiddo. You always have been. ‘’  
I lean back into the sofa. Dad switches the TV on. 

I think about what Klara said. About having a home. I think I am pretty lucky. I think this is some kind of home, in a strange grown up reluctant kind of way.  
I look over at Dad again, and nudge his arm. Smile at him.   
He smiles back. Sips his coffee.   
I text Even. Tell him I love him. And that I will be over to pick him up at 3.   
He texts back.  
‘’You better be. I have had a boner since this morning. I need you.’’  
I chuckle and put the phone away. Adjust myself in my jeans. In my posh red underpants. 

I think I might need him too.


	15. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates. I am hoping to do one more chapter this week, along with real life stuff. Bear with me. We will get there!!  
> If you are reading Norwegian too, that fic should get an update this week too. Hopefully. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love comments and kudos! xxxxx

ISAK  
It’s funny what can change in 48 hours. It’s also funny what doesn’t change at all. 

I end up standing outside the Coffee shop. Shaking. Because I don’t know what the hell to do.

I should just go in there and be chill. But all I want is to jump Even and hug him to death and nuzzle into him and spill a load of verbal diahorrea that is bubbling around in my brain. It feels like I haven’t seen him for a week and I want to tell him all these mundane little things I have been thinking of all day. Yet I don’t dare to.

This is Even’s job. His friends. His life. Maybe he doesn’t mind me being all clingy and needy. But he said he is not openly out with his colleagues. So, it would be a shit thing to do to out him by snogging his face off in front of them and acting like a dick. 

So maybe I should just go in and order a coffee. Sit and wait for him again. Drinking it slowly until it is cold and disgusting and I sit there pretending to look at something on my mobile even though the battery has died. I have done that before. I am an idiot.

I miss him. I can’t wait to see him. I am just terrified of what he expects. What I should do. How he expects me to behave. How I expect him to behave. Maybe he will just ignore me and just say Hi. Be all professional. There are customers in there. Maybe he will get all annoyed with me if I act like a nerd. Just stand there and say something stupid. Or say nothing at all.

I peek around the edge of the shop window. Just a quick glance to see if I can see him.   
I actually laugh out loud, because all I can see behind the counter is the word VALTERSEN in bold white letters across his back as he is preparing something. He is wearing my hoodie. Which just makes me stupidly happy. I keep watching him through the window. Interacting with customers. Smiling. Looking incredibly cute. Incredibly happy. I am blushing. I can feel my cheeks warming up. Smiling like an idiot. 

He is going to spot me any second so I panic a bit and walk casually up to the door. Almost trip over when someone slams the door into me and grabs me by the shoulders. Pushes me up against the stone wall. Then I get kissed. Kissed and kissed and kissed and I freaking love it. I have one hand tangled up in the hood on his back, the other fisting his hair and my lips locked with his, gasping for breath between kisses. Diving straight back for more. 

He finally let’s go. Well his face is pushed up to mine with our noses touching but his lips give me a rest. Just long enough to say ‘’Sorry, didn’t mean to jump you but I got desperate when I saw you through the window.’’ Then he his mouth slams straight back on mine. Crazy little kisses where we are both smiling and giggling and laughing. Having to step out of the way of customers leaving. Getting some odd looks from people as Even is still wearing his apron and has me pinned to the wall. Not that I mind. I have a boner. A total boner. 

I grab his hips. Hold him firm.  
‘’You need to stay here for a minute and not kiss me’’ I whisper. Looking around. Hoping there is nobody I know walking past.   
‘’Why?’’ He grins at me.  
‘’Total boner. Your fault. Stop it. My jacket isn’t long enough to cover it.’’   
He laughs. Well it’s more like an evil cackle. Rests his forehead against mine. Kisses me softly.   
‘’Stop it’’ I desperately try to adjust my cock. Try to bend it back through my jeans. Totally futile of course. I try to think of toothless granny’s in massive knickers. Girls Netball. Home economics class with Mrs Berntsen who has sweat marks under her arms.   
Nothing works though. Because I can smell him. Feel him and taste him. 

I sink down and plonk my arse on the step. Lean over and fold my arms over my knees, leaving him standing in front of me with his apron.   
‘’Thank god for big oversized apron’s, they hide a multitude of sins.’’  
I giggle. Blush. Look at him. Mouth ‘’I love you’’ at him. Because I do. Even though he makes me do these crazy things. He just laughs. Smiles that smile he does. Looking adorable. Handsome. Making me want to cry with happiness and need and horniness and everything else in between. 

‘’I’ll go in and make you a coffee. Come in when you are ready.’’  
I nod. Feeling like an idiot. Who the hell gets a massive boner from a few kisses. Well there was some totally hot body-slamming against the wall and grinding going on as well. God there is no hope for me is there? Just thinking about it makes me hard. Harder. Then he ruffles my hair as he climbs the steps across me and brushes his leg against my shoulder. Cock jumps with joy. I hide my face in shame. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. 

EVEN

Well that kind of took care of that awkward confession. Caroline slams her fist in my shoulder and corners me against the cash register.   
‘’Talk’’ She demands.   
‘’What?’’ I grin. Face on fire.   
‘’You think I didn’t see you totally doing the deed with Isak on the steps? I mean you practically had full on sex on the pavement. I should have filmed you. It was hot by the way. So, spill.’’

‘’Ehr… we didn’t have sex on the pavement.’’ That’s great Even. I have one chance at saying something cool and funny back and that’s all I can think of to say?  
Caroline slams her forehead onto my chest. Growls. Looks back up at me.

‘’ Even. Dude. Chill. You have been eye fucking that kid since the first day he rocked up here with his freaking hat and that damn phone he is surgically attached to. Don’t pretend that you don’t. Niels and I had a bet going that you were bound to break at some point and go shag in the toilets or something. I mean come on Even. It’s not fair. Tell me’’

If I wasn’t blushing before, well now I think all the blood in my body is pooled in my face. And I am sweating. And Isak has just walked through the door, looking all cute and shy and adorable.  
‘’Isak, thank god!’’ Caroline practically throws herself across the counter reaching out for him. Trying to grab his jacket so she can do her not so subtle interrogation on him. She ends up waving her arms in thin air with Isak backing away. Looking slightly amused.

‘’Isak, Even is so mean, he won’t tell me anything. I mean are you two fucking like rabbits or what?’’

‘’Caroline!!!’’ I squeal. ‘’Leave him alone’’ There is also the awkward fact that we have a room full of customers who are now delightfully listening in to our not so subtle conversation. 

Isak is no help. He just stands there looking amused and a little confused. I just want to grab him and drag him away, but there is like a big counter and a million things between us and Caroline is doing her eyeroll and groaning and looking at me like she is asking for a puppy for Christmas. Which of course makes me laugh. 

‘’Boyfriend.’’ I point at Isak. ‘’Caroline meet Isak. Isak meet Caroline.’’ 

She squeals. Jumps back up on the counter so she can reach out to High Five Isak. He just laughs. Looks at me and grins.

‘’I knew it! Yay! Niels owes me big time! So how long has this been going on?’’  
‘’Enough gossip’’ I shoot out. ‘’I’m finished anyway so I am off. So there!’’ I stick my tongue out at her. She retaliates by blowing raspberries at me. Pretend sulking. Blowing kisses at Isak who doesn’t know what to do with himself. Rocking from his heels to his toes. Fiddling with his hands. Grinning awkwardly. 

I need to get out of here. I need to get him out of here.   
I throw the apron in the back and grab my jacket and bag. Wink at Caroline. Isak’s hand is in mine without any effort as we skip down the steps.   
‘’Let’s go to mine for a while.’’ He whispers. Leans over and kisses my cheek.   
‘’Yes please’’ I whimper. I have had enough for one day. I need him. Fuck everything else.

ISAK.

I am hoping nobody is in. Well it’s absolutely quiet as we kick our shoes off in the hallway and tiptoe down the hall. 

I hear the click of the door closing behind us. I hear the thud of his bag dropping to the floor. The soft fall of his jacket. Then I am being spun around so fast that I almost fall.   
He has got me though. He always has. His hands are under my jumper. Pulling it over my head catching my chin on the collar. My head is spinning anyway, as my fingers grapple with his belt. I need his clothes off. He needs me naked. He is not even bothering with the belt, just tugging at my jeans pocket, hard and sharp, leaving the skin on my hips red and raw. Not that I mind. I am stepping out of my clothes that has pooled around my ankles. My fingers are around his face. My lips nipping at the skin on his shoulder. Sucking. Tasting. Drinking in his scent.

He still has too many clothes on. Fabric ripping as he drags his t-shirt against my face. Walking me backwards towards the bed. Pushing me in front of him with his mouth that is hard against my lips. Fingers gripping my arms as he falls onto the mattress. His chest bouncing against my body as we land.   
My mouth is in his. His tongue at the back of mine. Hard and heavy. Desperately. 

I haven’t even touched his cock that is hard against my groin. Mine thinks Christmas has come early. Tingling and throbbing and making me jerk against him.

Then he sits up, leaves his place as my human blanket, which makes me shiver with the sudden loss of his skin. 

I meet his eyes for a second, dark and serious. Cheeks flushed. Chest pumping. That amazing cock standing straight up. 

He grabs my hips and flips me over in one sharp movement which makes me shout out in surprise. Then he is back against me. Grinding his cock against my thighs. Kissing down my back. Soft and sharp. Licking lines across my shoulder blades which make me groan out. I am just so fucking turned on and needy and fuck I need him. I need him so much I can’t even tell him. I just groan every time his lips leave my skin. Then sigh with relief when they find their next sweet spot on my back. 

He licks a little line down the curvature of my spine. Landing his tongue in the crack of my arse. Which makes me shudder. I am slightly delirious now. Grinding my hips against the duvet. Fisting the fabric between my fingers. Whimpering with every touch. 

I kind of hope he wont stop. Oh, please don’t stop. I can’t say it though. I am too lost in my head. Lost in his touch. He does. O thank you God, he does exactly what I am hoping he will. He parts my cheeks and licks. Little soft laps against the hidden skin. I think I might be too close. I think I might come before he even gets there. I rut. I try to keep still. I can’t stop. I can’t.   
‘’Shh. Keep still.’’ His mouth is back. Back in the heat and naughtiness of my arse. Lapping across my hole in little soft movements whilst I cry out, moan and whimper. I beg. I actually think that is what I am doing. Saying please and fuck and thank you and wiping the sweat of my forehead against the pillow underneath me as he spreads my legs so he can crouch down between them and bury his face in my arse. 

Which he does. Oh, holy fuck and Jesus Christ and Shit and hell. He is actually doing it. His tongue pressing against my hole and moving inside me. In and out. Hard muscle against sharp tongue. I am shouting now. More. I think I am saying more. More More. Then he gets his finger in there too. I can feel the change. Finger deep inside me stroking me. Then tongue lapping around as he releases me. Tongue heading back inside. Finger circling my skin.   
I don’t know how long I can last. It’s just amazing. He is trying to hold me still. Urging me to hold on. Shushing me and begging me not to come yet. Just a little longer. Just hold on baby. 

I think I start to cry at one point. It is just so good. I am just so fucking horny. And I love him. Which I tell him a lot. Over and over like I am chanting a prayer as he puts two fingers up my arse. In and out. 

I never noticed he had the lube, but he is drizzling it over my arse and kissing my globes and I start to beg. Beg for his cock. Beg him to fuck me. I have lost it now. Lost the battle. I need him inside me. I need this, oh fucking shit I need him. Which I tell him. I think I order him to get his cock in me now or I will fucking kill him or something. I am desperate. I don’t understand it all, I don’t know how I have gotten like this. I am not me. I am someone else. Someone that is so well loved and licked and touched and kissed that I am floating in some strange sense of mind.   
‘’Just do it Even, just fuck me. God Please just do it. Just please….’’  
I don’t even make sense of what I am trying to say. He has his bag up on the bed. Rummaging around. Bending down to kiss my skin. Stroking my back.   
‘’Are you sure?’’ He whispers. Voice weak.   
‘’Do it’’ There is nothing weak about my voice. I am telling him. I need it. I fucking need this.

So, he does. He lifts me up so that I am on all fours. Well almost. My arse is in the air but my arms give way and I am kind of half curled up, holding on to the sheets. Shamelessly moaning. I don’t care anymore. I am loved. I am touched, I am fucking expertly fucked. Well I am.   
He is pressing inside me. Which is like nothing I have ever felt. I mean fingers is nothing. This is intense on a whole other level. I think I hold my breath. Even is roaring. Groaning out sounds. His fingernails digging into my skin. He is moving still. Filling me up. My skin against his as he bottoms out. Well he must be. 

He is still. Just breathing. I am moaning. Oh Fuck. Oh Hell. Oh shit. But all I can whisper is ‘’I fucking love you’’.  
He starts rolling his hips. Just tiny movements which brings out more sounds out of my mouth. Little jerks in and out as my mouth starts shouting ‘’More’’. His hips slamming back into the globes of my arse. My arse that is singing with sensation. Making me beg. Faster. Harder. More. I love you. Oh Fuck.

He starts fucking me. Slamming into me. In and out. It’s a bit raw. My arse is on fire. We should have used more lube. I don’t care though. I am lost. I am lost in my head. My arms tingling with the strain of trying to hold myself steady. Face grinding into the pillow.   
Even is shouting. He is fucking shouting. Then he stills. Drawing lines with his nails over my back. Going ridgid as his release slams through him. I can tell. I know what it feels like. I can feel it rolling towards me as he grips my cock. Leans his face into my back and starts jacking me off. His hand covered in lube that makes it a delicious slide into his fingers. 

It doesn’t take much. I roar. Then I run out of voice. My mouth open but nothing comes out as I shoot over his fingers. Paint the duvet below me with stripes of white.   
I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know how he makes me do these things. I can’t believe I made him fuck me.   
Oh god.   
I’m so fucking fucked. I am his. I am so his. Ruined forever for anyone else. All his. 

EVEN  
When I put the condoms and lube in my bag this morning I didn’t think we would actually do it. I just thought it was a cool thing to have them there, for the future. Just in case. Or something.   
I am lying on top of him. I just can’t move. I don’t want to move. He is mine. I just had sex. Proper fucking sex. Oh, thank god.   
‘’I think I just lost my virginity’’ I whisper into his neck. Which makes him giggle underneath me.   
‘’No shit Sherlock’’ he is still short of breath.  
‘’ I think I lost mine too. Fucking hell Even. ‘’  
‘’Are you Ok? Did I hurt you? Oh fuck I hope I didn’t hurt you?’’ I roll off him. My dick limp and spent sliding out of him. 

I don’t know what to do with the condom. I mean I rolled it on OK. But when I pull at the bottom it’s not moving. And it’s kind of full of come. And it’s a bit gross.   
‘’Isak?’’   
‘’Yeah?’’ He rolls over. Slowly. Eyes closed. Hair damp around his forehead.  
‘’How do I get it off?’’  
‘’What?  
‘’The condom. Its stuck.’’  
He sits up. Gingerly. Covers his face with his hand. I blush. Yet I laugh.  
‘’Idiotic that I don’t know, I know, but you love me anyway so what the heck’’ The nerd in me is in full swing.   
He gets up on his knees and rolls the condom off. Holding on to the bottom edge so he catches the come. Twists the top into a little knot and throws it on the floor. Looks at me and winks.  
‘’Saw it done in porn. Condom Kink film. Strange as fuck.’’  
He pushes me back on the bed. Cuddles up on my shoulder and folds the duvet over us. Kisses my chin, my cheek. My lips. Tangles his legs in mine. Tries to tie our feet into knots or something. Which is lovely and soft and intimate and makes me go all mushy on him again. Holding him as tight as I can and kissing his hair. Smelling him like some oversexed dog sniffing out a mate.   
‘’Even. Can I ask you a dumb question?’’  
‘’There are no dumb questions baby’’  
‘’Do we need to use condoms?’’  
‘’Yeah, I suppose so, I mean they say you should always use condoms. Unless you want to get preggers or something?’’  
‘’Even I am a bloke. In case you missed that bit of essential information’’  
‘’Noooo!! I lift my head up and give him my best impression of ‘’Fucking hell, Really??’’   
‘’But I have never ever been with anyone else. And you haven’t either, so what would the problem be? I mean you haven’t got anything, and I haven’t got anything. We can’t really give each other anything. So, do we need to use condoms?’’

He has a point. My brain tries to kick into gear. 

‘’I suppose we should Google it. ‘’  
‘’I did. Didn’t make sense. Unless you have had a blood transfusion of at risk blood.’’  
‘’Which I haven’t.’’  
‘’Me neither’’  
‘’So, I was thinking. What do you say. Just so we are safe. I mean extra safe. Shall we go and get tested and then we can get rid of the condoms? I mean it must be better without condoms. ‘’  
‘’Are you saying it wasn’t good?’’

Isak burst out laughing. Kisses me. Hard. 

‘’You taste of me. Of arse.’’   
‘’Sorry.’’ I laugh as well. I mean it’s ridiculous. But I must taste of him. I ate him out pretty well. It was fucking sexy as fuck. I always wanted to do that to someone. To taste someone. I can’t believe he let me. Not that I asked. I just went for it. I hope it was good for him too. As good as It was for me.

‘’And good idea about the condoms. Let’s do that. I can’t believe there are perks with being virgins. Its good actually. And condoms are expensive. We can shag much more without them!’’  
‘’You are an idiot Even. But I love you so fucking much’’  
‘’I love you too. Fucking more’’ We kiss. Soft and sloppy. Lazy strokes of lips. I pull him against me, so he is flush against my chest. Safe and warm. Skin on skin. 

‘’It was good baby’’ he whispers. ‘’It was amazing. I can’t believe we did that.’’  
I kiss him again. Stroke his hair. His fucking gorgeous curls that are stuck to his head like some damp halo. 

‘’Would you fuck me next? When we have had a rest?’’

He doesn’t answer that. But his eyes are wide and he is smiling. Smiling like the sun. 

‘’It’s been 3 days Isak. 3 days. Are we moving too fast?’’ I can’t help worrying. If I am pushing him. If I need to slow the fuck down.  
‘’No. I have spent too long not having this. Being on my own. Hoping that one day I would meet you. That my life would change. That I would have something like this, like what we have. It feels like we have years to catch up on. We are good just like this, messing around and just doing what we feel like doing. I think you and I are perfect. No rules, remember? ‘’ 

He buries his face in my neck again. Breathes. Relaxes into my arms. I nuzzle into his hair. Let my face rest against his head. 

He is right. We are perfect.


	16. He loves me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late and this is not my best effort, I will go back and re edit at some point. Real life is slaying me. Too much going on.  
> At least you have an update! All is well in Evak world.

ISAK.  
I used to hate lying in bed in this room on a Sunday afternoon. It’s a cold, bleak room. Nothing cosy. Desk. Bed. Chair. A few random pictures sello taped to the wall. Clothes thrown on the floor and a dead pot plant in the window. I still don’t know why I bought that bloody pot plant. It was totally random, kind of thinking that I was going to make my room homely or something. It’s dead now anyway. 

Even is dead to the world. Snoring with his mouth open against my chest. Snuggled up and warm. I need to pee. Desperately. But I am not moving for anything. I could just lie like this forever, nose in his hair and lips against his forehead.  
I used to hate playing candy crush, yet have just spend 45 minutes playing it. Happily. Not a care in the world. Which makes me giggle out loud. I am pathetic. But I am happy. 

I have also spent and obscene amount of time on my Facebook. Hovering around my profile. I want to change my profile pic to a picture of me and Even. I know exactly which one. I also want to press that damn button to say I am in a relationship. It feels like pressing the button of doom. Once done I cannot undo it and my life will have changed forever. But I need to talk to Even about it too, because if I go and out myself then I have outed him too. Which is not fair. I really want to though, yet the thought of it makes me feel sick. 

He is snuffling in his sleep. Cuddling up to me. Arms tight around my chest. I kind of shush him like you would a baby, rocking him and kissing him. He may be long and lanky and tall and, yep a little smelly but it just makes me love him even more. He’s mine. Mine Mine Mine. 

I am smiling to myself again. Laughing softly. Looking at the pictures of us on my phone.  
He rolls over and kicks the duvet off himself. Sits up awkwardly with all his hair sticking up.  
‘’I need to go take a piss. Do you think it’s safe to do so? I won’t get cornered by Eskild again?’’  
‘’I don’t think anyone is here, I haven’t heard anyone come in since we got home. So just go.’’  
He does. Tiptoeing out in the hall way stark naked. Which makes me half panic, half giggle hysterically. 

I fluff up the pillows. Straighten the duvet out. Wonder if I should go and make us something to eat. I could make spaghetti. Or a sandwich. There is cheese. Or there was cheese. I haven’t been home long enough this weekend to see if I actually have any food left at all. That’s the thing living in a shared apartment. My food goes missing. I am actually pretty organized with my food shopping, and no one else is. 

He comes back in and closes the door carefully. Smelling of soap and wearing a towel around his waist.  
‘’I had a quick shower. I was a bit smelly. Sorry.’’  
I don’t say anything back. I just push him onto the bed, letting him bounce as he settles on his back. The towel falling wide open revealing his gorgeous cock resting limp against his leg. I crawl on top of him and lower myself down so I have him pinned underneath me. Grind my hips slightly.

God I am so bad at this. How do you seduce someone? I mean I want to have sex again. I want to do dirty things with him. I mean I could just tell him that I want to fuck. But that is hardly romantic. Or sexy. Or is it? Maybe it is. 

‘’I want to fuck’’ I whisper in his ear. 

Well that seems to work because he whimpers. And his cock is tapping against my leg.

‘’I want to do what you did to me. I want to lick you, and then I want to do that thing with my fingers, and fuck you. With my cock.’’

God. Worst dirty talk ever. I lose my nerve again. Lie my head down on his shoulder so I don’t have to look at him.  
He is breathing really heavily underneath me and his fingers are reaching down between us, touching his erection. Pushing me gently so I slide off him, letting him get a better grip.

It’s a weird thing watching him touch himself. I don’t realize how hard I have gotten at first. How he is looking at me watching him. How I have started to touch myself too. Which is really quite horny. Dirty. 

He leans over so he can get his lips on mine. Kisses me softly. Wet and sloppily. Lots of tongue. Moaning. His hand on his cock. Stroking up and down. Still watching me. I can feel his eyes on me. My skin warm under his gaze. Prickly with sensation. My hand jerking my cock. 

‘’You can do whatever you want with me’’ he says. Well it’s more like a moan. Like he is asking. Maybe begging a little. ‘’I washed down there, I’m pretty clean’’.

‘’OK’’ I say. Well more like I croak it out. Half whisper. I am getting a little heady with all this. A little lost in my head again. Like He makes me loose myself. Makes me become someone else. Which is kind of weird. But cool. 

The normal me would never have dared to do this. But this Isak, the one I become when Even is lying next to me, this Isak is getting up on his knees and lifting Even’s leg up. Then I am lying down on my stomach with my legs dangling off the side of the bed. Parting his arse cheeks and kissing his skin. Kissing little trails along the damp hairs along his crack. Watching his hole squirm. Listening to him panting above me. 

I push him over on his side so I can get a better position. His leg angled up. He is still pumping his cock. Just slowly. Moaning into the pillow under his head. 

I lick. Little strokes across his opening. Just softly. It doesn’t really taste of anything. Just of skin. Of him. Of sex a little bit. His scent heady and strong.

I try pushing my tongue in, just the tip. But he squirms. Apologizes. Squirms again. Muscles jerking in his legs.  
‘’Don’t stop’’ he begs. ‘’So fucking horny. I just can’t keep still’’.

So, I don’t. I don’t stop. I push. Hold him firm. Let my tongue explore. In and out. Kissing. Licking. Devouring. Growing bolder by the second as his voice gets stronger. Begging me. Panting. Asking for more. More. ‘’Do it again. Do it again..’’

I kind of realize I am lying on the tube of lube when I move around. Which is really fucking handy. I flip the lid with my thumb and drizzle a line along his crack. Making him shout out in surprise as the liquid hits his skin. His muscles clenching and squirming. Moans. Whimpers as I push his leg back up so I can get my fingers in. I am not harsh. I am not gentle either. I just do it. 

‘’I’m going to come’’ he wails. ‘’Just stop for a second, I don’t want to come yet’’. Breathing heavily. Facedown in the pillow.  
My finger is up his arse. Glistening with lube. I hold still and drizzle some more across my hand. Kiss his skin on his cheeks. Nuzzle against him. Let my head lean against his back. I can feel his breathing. His legs resting against the duvet. One hand holding himself open for me. The other slowly resuming the strokes up and down his length. Moaning.  
I pull out. Push two fingers against his opening. He lets them in with a soft groan. Clenching around my digits as I slowly move in and out. Lube everywhere. I still add more. I want this to be good. I want him to feel good. 

I kiss his back. Kiss everywhere I can reach, with my cheek stroking his skin. The tip of my nose painting lines over his arse. My fingers moving in and out. He is all relaxed. Whimpering softly. His hand stroking his erection. 

‘’Are you ready?’’ I ask. Well, I have to ask eventhough he doesnt reply. I think he is. I think he needs this now or he will come and that will kind of ruin the whole thing. He is close, He said so. And I can kind of tell.  
He doesn’t answer. So, I get up and kind of manhandle him onto his knees. Stroking his back. Strong firm movements. Letting him settle. He has his eyes closed. Face flushed.

He is absolutely beautiful. I mean I know he is gorgeous. I have been in love with that face of his since the first time I saw it, but looking down at him like this I kind of want to freeze time. I want to remember how he looks when he is like this. Turned on and horny and gorgeous and sexy. Beautifully blushed across his cheeks. Biting his bottom lip. Whimpering as I line up my cock. Then moaning when I pull back. 

I forgot the damn condom. Bloody lube. So, I rumble around. Find his bag. Tip everything out on the floor in sheer frustration. Get a damn condom out and try to rip the wrapper. Well it doesn’t rip because my hands are covered in lube. I try my teeth, but I just can’t get a firm hold.  
‘’Baby, please help’’ I don’t have to say more. He reaches his hand back to me and I place the damn thing in between his fingers. He pulls it down below him and hands the condom back to me in one swift firm movement. We are getting damn good at this! I kind of feel all proud. Grown up and sensible. We are adult humans having safe and responsible sex. With condoms. 

I use too much lube again. I think I just finished the bottle. It’s everywhere. Dripping of my fingers. Running down my leg. Damp patches growing on the duvet below me.  
I line up again. Taking a deep breath. Pushing against his entrance. Condom perfectly rolled on. 

I think we start to moan at the same time. Making me laugh out loud and making him giggle. I push. He groans. Laughs when I shout ‘’fuck you are tight’’. Not that I have anything to compare with but he feels amazing. Squeezing me tight against his muscle. Rippling sensations as I move inside him. His legs shaking underneath me. ‘’Fuck Isak you are fucking huge’’ coming out of his mouth along with curses and shouting and his arms are holding onto the edges of the pillow underneath him. 

I can’t stop smiling. I can’t stop shaking as I pull out and slam back in again. I know I should take it slow. I know I should savor this. I can’t though. It’s too good. Too Intense. Too fucking much. I manage one more pull out before I start to come when I slam back in. Shouting ‘’I fucking love you’’ as my orgasm rips through me. I can’t move. I just stand there on my knees with my cock all the way inside him. My whole body shaking. Ridiculous smile on my face. Even giggling softly beneath me. 

‘’I have got an ocean of come on the duvet baby, please don’t let me fall into it’’ 

Well that’s the wrong thing to say. Because of course I tug at his legs and push him straight down in the spunk beneath him. Wrapping my arms around his back and sliding out of him as I tumble down on the bed next to him. Squealing as he grabs me and rolls me straight into the wet cold patch on the bed. Grappling to get off it and wrestling him back down so that I am on top of him. Face to face. Noses touching. My elbows on the bed. His arms around my back. Laughing hysterically. 

‘’Sorry I didn’t last longer’’ I whisper. ‘’I couldn’t hold it. It was just so perfect, so good. You felt amazing. ‘’ I shake my head. I can’t find words for what it felt like to be inside him. I just want to do it again. And again. 

‘’You lasted longer than me babe. I came before you were even inside. ‘’

I lean down and kiss him. Just taste him. Let my lips just rest against his. Our foreheads against each other’s. His arms holding me tight. My breath not quite back to normal. My cock all uncomfortable with a limp condom hanging off it. Breathless giggles tumbling between us. 

‘’I think we are both officially no longer virgins baby. Congratulations.’’ He is ridiculous as always. We are both grinning like idiots. Kissing. Snuggling up on the bed which is covered in, well I don’t even want to say it. 

‘’Congratulations’’ I whisper back trying to contain my laughter that is bubbling up in my chest. 

I am ridiculous too. But I am happy. Loved. 

I know I just fucked him. I had proper sex. I love him. I do. I love him. He loves me too. And that is big. Bigger than sex. Bigger than everything else.

He loves me.


	17. I'm so sorry

Even  
I am doing the late shift today. 9 until closing time. Bloody long day. I kind of groan into the pillow. Try to ignore the alarm that is shrieking from my phone next to me. Then smile as the body next to me in bed moves. Wraps his arm around me. Nuzzles up against my face. Morning breath and all. 

I don’t mind. I kiss him. Lots of little kisses all over. 

‘’I love your bed. I love you. I love it here. Love it.’’ He is talking in his sleep. Well he is not asleep but he is doing that half-awake thing he does. Its bloody adorable. Curled up like a baby with his face back against my chest. Smelling me and sniffling and kind of letting his face snuggle against my skin at every angle he can manage. 

‘’I love that you are here with me’’ I whisper. I do. I love waking up with him next to me. We have been together for 4 days now. Well almost. From Friday evening until Monday morning, but whatever. I am not counting hours. 4 days. I am already addicted to this whole being in a relationship thing. I love waking up with him next to me. Waking up in a warm bed and knowing that I am not alone. That I am loved. I know I am. Which is bloody ridiculous, because I am still me, and he is still this super hot gorgeous fit bloke with the most beautiful hair and the cutest dimples and the fact that he loves me, that he chose me, and that he wants nothing more than to be here with me is just too much for my overwhelmed brain to take in. I just kind of shake my head in disbelief. 

We ended up back at mine last night. There was no food at his place, and his bed was kind of disgusting. They have a laundry room in the basement which you have to kind of book ahead, and we have a washing machine here so it kind of made sense. Well Mum just laughed about the bin liner of laundry Isak dragged in through the door, shook her head as his offer of paying for the laundry tablets. So, we sat in front of the washing machine in the bathroom whilst Isak did his homework and I read university brochures. Mum kept asking us why we were sitting in there and not out in the living room, but for some reason we just stayed put. Changing the laundry over. Laughing. Kissing and letting our feet tangle together, our backs leaning against the bathtub. Somehow it was cosy. Comforting. The quiet hum of the tumble dryer blending with the sloshing of wet sheets in the washing machine.  
‘’It’s like white noise’’ Isak had said, barely looking up from his laptop. ‘’It kind of helps you concentrate.’’  
‘’I always preferred having music on when I studied. Maybe that is why I never did very well, maybe I should just have studied here instead’’

He had just leant over and kissed me. Tapped his finger on my nose and laughed at me. Which had made me think of sex again. I mean I am a bloke. With years of sex to catch up on. And a super-hot boyfriend who was wrinkling his nose in the cutest way whilst tapping away on his laptop. 

So. Well, Isak finally got his homework done after I had distracted him with a blowjob. And we have a bin liner with neatly folded sheets and clean clothes to bring back to Isak’s later. Whenever. 

I press snooze on the alarm again and shake him awake. He is going to be freaking late if we don’t get up.  
‘’Baby, you need to wake up OK? Get in the shower and I will find you something to eat and then I will walk you to school before work. If you want me to.‘’  
‘’Ughhhhh, I want to sleep. With you. Don’t want school. Tired’’  
He is such a child. I whip the duvet away and whack him over the head with a pillow. He just curls up tighter and groans. All naked in my bed. Holding his arms around his knees. Eyes tightly shut. Arms grasping blindly for the duvet. 

He is bloody heavy to lift but I kind of manhandle him until he is sitting up with his chin heavy against my shoulder. Arms tight around my neck. Sighing and snuffling in my ear. Then I have to let go of him so I can get off the bed and stand up. Then I groan. He is lying back down and pulling the duvet over his head.  
‘’ISAK’’ I shout. ‘’Get the fuck up baby.’’  
‘’No’’ he says from somewhere under the duvet. His bum sticking out.  
I smack his bum. As hard as I can.  
‘’Ouch! I thought you loved me’’ He is sitting up. All cute and grumpy. Hand on his bum. Pouting like a 3-year-old.  
‘’I love you, but we need to get up. Like now. Like 20 minutes ago.’’  
‘’Even….’’ He is rubbing his eyes. Pouting. Flexing his arms over his head.  
‘’If you don’t stop looking so cute I might have to do something sexy to you and we will be extremely late’’ I try to sound all adult and stern, but I end up laughing at his little lips pouting and pulling his legs until his bum lands on the floor with a thud.

‘’Are you trying to kill me Even? Fuck that hurt!’’ He is still smiling though. Naked on the floor. Grabbing my hand as I pull him up. Giving him a cuddle and rubbing his naked bum. 

Making my dick twitch again which is just such a bad idea.  
‘’That is such a good idea’’ Isak whispers in my ear.  
‘’We are so late Isak’’  
‘’Spoilsport’’  
‘’I love you’’  
‘’I love you too’’ he whispers against my lips. Kissing me. His tongue flicking against mine. His hands moving over my chest. Fingers twisting my nipples. Making me whimper. I try not to. I want to be all adult and grown up but I seem to have absolutely no willpower in me anymore. None. I don’t even try to stop him as he kisses a trail down my chest. Flicks his tongue over my nipple. Sucks on the hardened nub and lets his hand grasp my cock. 

‘’Isak’’ I whisper. Well I can’t really say anything else. I lean back against my desk. Looking down at his head. Let my fingers twist in his curls as he lets my dick slide in-between his lips. 

Four days ago, I got dressed here in the morning hoping that Isak at least knew I existed. And now he is blowing me against my desk. Making me growl. Holding his hands on my hips, pushing me against the desktop whilst his head moves up and down, his lips moving hard and fast over my straining cock that is going to shoot any second. We are not going to be that late. Well maybe a little. Well I don’t really think any coherent thoughts after that because he is cupping my balls and letting his finger trail between my butt cheeks and I close my eyes and just let him overwhelm me. Again. The way only Isak can. 

I feel like I am going to pass out, but I don’t. Instead I am convulsing and jerking and shooting cum inside his mouth whilst he is coughing a little and swallowing around me and making little noises that are just so hot that I don’t really think I will go soft. I think I will be walking around with a semi for the rest of the day. Well what is new. I have had a constant boner going on for the last couple of days. He tends to do that to me. I have that bit all figured out. 

He is on the floor still on his knees. His forehead leaning against my leg. Pumping his cock. Hard. He is rock hard. Breathing strained and fast against my skin. Which is so freaking horny that I kind of feel ready to go again. We are going to be late. Well there will be no breakfast. No time. Fastest shower in history. If even that. Well fuck it. I pull at his arm and get him to stand up so I can reach. Well I can’t reach properly, not standing up. Not when he is leaning limp against me and sucking a bruise into my collarbone. Not when he is whimpering in my arms and still touching himself. So, fuck it. I push him back down on the bed. Straddle him. Line our cocks up between us. Spit in my hand. Spit again. Grab us and tangle my fingers in his. We get it. We fit. We move. Our hands hard and fast in a tangled grip around our cocks. My teeth biting down on his lip as I start to come again. There is not much but I shoot. Hard. Isak groaning into my mouth. Crying out little moans. Eyes closed. Face flushed. Beads of sweat forming around his temples.

‘’Fucking love you baby’’ I sigh. I am so close. So close to giving up on today. I just want to curl up around him and stay in bed. Forget that there is a world outside. Fuck everything. I just want this. This that is all mine. I want Isak to be all mine. Just mine. Nobody else’s. I never want to share him with anyone else ever again. Which is fucked up but whatever. I love him. Love how he makes me feel like this. Like I fucking rule the world. 

‘’How late are we?’’ He whispers.  
I just giggle. Then we get up. And start to panic.

By the time we are walking hand in hand towards Isak’s school we are actually not that late. I mean we were awesome at getting ready. Isak having a super quick shower and then getting coffee ready whilst I kind of cleaned myself up and got dressed in like 5 minutes flat. We shared a banana. Which is kind of good for breakfast food at our house. I make a mental note to go shopping this evening after work. Dad will go mental if he comes back to an empty fridge again. He always says we could at least make an effort. Which mum usually counters with a serving up a frozen pizza with a luke warm beer on the side and telling him she loves him. 

I can tell when Isak spots his friends. I mean the guy with the eyebrows, and the blonde one. And that handsome dark skinny bloke with the smile. I recognize them all. Walking towards us.  
I feel his whole body go rigid. Tense up. The way his hand lets go of mine like he has been burnt.  
I don’t know why I get so angry. Why I feel so fucking hurt and rejected. How I look at him and he won’t look back at me. He just stops and looks at his shoes. Whilst tears form in the corners of my eyes.  
‘’Isak?’’ I say. Voice not quite as steady as I would have liked.  
I can see the fear in his eyes when he finally lets his eyes meet mine. He is freaking terrified. I don’t get why. Well maybe I do. His friends are almost right in front of us, and he looks like he is going to faint.  
I reach out to touch his arm and he recoils back. Almost jumps. Which is just so ridiculous that I almost giggle, but the anger in me is holding me back. Well not anger. Hurt.  
‘’I’m sorry’’ he whispers. ‘’I’m so sorry.’’


	18. Out

Isak  
What have I done. I don’t even know what I am doing myself. I just stand there whilst Jonas stops and shakes Even’s hand. Saying ‘’Hello Mate’’ like they know each other or something. Well I introduced them the other day so whatever. I am still frozen on the spot whilst Jonas introduces Even to Magnus and Madhi. Which was kind of my job. If I could actually form words with my fucked-up mouth that is still refusing to cooperate and speak. And Even is pissed off with me. I can tell. Well pissed off is probably an understatement. I hurt him. I am behaving like a twat. 

I have had a boyfriend for one weekend and I am already fucking it up come Monday. 

Magnus is asking me something and I have no idea what he is saying, and I am looking at Even who won’t look at me. Who looks so sad that I just want to jump him and hold him and make it all better. Beg him to forgive me for being an idiot. I don’t know what is holding me back. I don’t know why I can’t just tell everyone that I love him. What the fuck is wrong with me. 

Even says something about having to go to work. That it was nice meeting them all. He is walking backwards. Turns to me and kind of nods. Which makes me want to scream. 

Jonas whacks me on the arm and is speaking to me. I just stare at him like he is speaking in Greek or something. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how to fix this.

We all move towards the door, following the crowds. My feet are moving but my eyes are on Even. Who is still looking at me. Still standing there. Shuffling backwards. Awkwardly. 

‘’You OK Isak?’’ Madhi asks as he holds the door for me. And I stand there like a fool.

‘’Yeah’’ I sigh. Step over the threshold. Then I turn around and kick the door open, almost knocking over a couple of first year girls who tumble out of my way with a squeal as I thunder past them. 

He is still there. Standing there. His eyes lighting up as I slam my body into his. 

‘’I’m so sorry I fucking love you and I will never ever do that again I am an idiot and I kind of haven’t told the lads and I didn’t want to out you and I am a coward and…’’  
‘’Shut the fuck up Isak.’’ He says. Then he kisses me. Right there. In front of half the school. On the pavement. People wolf-whistling around us. Someone shouting ‘’Get a fucking room’’.

‘’I guess I am kind of out now then.’’ I giggle. Whilst he kisses me again. Looking at me the way he does, his eyes all soft and kind again. The way he looks at me when he tells me he loves me. Which I know he does. 

‘’So, we are official then?’’ He asks. Smiling. Like it’s a marriage proposal or something.

‘’I promise. I will tell the lads as soon as I get back inside. Everything out in the open. No more hiding. No more being an idiot. Promise. That was a shit thing I did. I am so sorry. I just panicked. Freaked out a little. ‘’

He kisses me. Hard. Holding my face between his hands.  
‘’I’ll have your coffee ready at 3,45. You coming?’’  
‘’Always’’ I kiss his nose. Hold his hand as long as I can whilst stepping backwards towards the door. The school bell ringing in the background. A few stray students running past me. Trying to memorize his smile before I turn around and run. 

I am fucking late. Well I think I get away with a stern telling of from Mr Madsen who just snarls something about maybe getting to school on time and then lets it go. Thank God.

I still do what I promised, I lean over to Madhi and whisper ‘’Even is my boyfriend and I love him. He is fucking awesome. Just wanted you to know’’ Which makes Madhi burst out laughing and whispering ‘’What the fuck Isak?''  
‘’Just want you to know. So, it’s not a big thing or anything. I like boys. Deal with it’’  
I sound like a prat. But Madhi just shakes his head and looks at me like I am crazy and says ‘’Whatever makes you happy dude. He looks like a cool guy. ‘’  
‘’He is’’ I am probably beaming. Grinning like a lunatic.  
‘’You are an idiot’’ Madhi whacks me on the arm. Making Mr Madsen stare at us. So, we sit up straight and look serious. 

I change my relationship status on Facebook. Add a new profile picture. Show Jonas who just raises an eyebrow at me. Whispers ‘’Told you he fancied you’’.

Then I text Even and tell him to check my Facebook. Which earns me lots of kisses and love hearts in the text he sends me back. He has changed his profile too. Added another of our selfies as his profile picture. His is cute too. He is smiling into the camera with his eyes all wrinkled up. I am kissing his cheek, with my nose all squashed up against his skin. It’s cute. It makes me smile as Mr Madsen asks me a question and I go all red in the face and fuck up my so far perfect record of actually being able to answer stuff in class. There goes my A in Norwegian. 

It still ends up being a good day. Jonas ribs me all day about having heart-eyes every time my phone pings. Telling me that I am a fucking sappy shit and worse than his girlfriend. Madhi just rolls his eyes and tells me all about this girl he met on Saturday. Who let him shag her. Which was like awesome. For once I don’t mind. I actually listen. Laugh in the right places. 

And Magnus. Fucking Magnus won’t leave me alone. Keeps asking me questions about gay sex. If blowjobs are better with guys. What the fuck do I know. I refuse to answer. Then he says if he can’t answer all Vilde’s questions she will ring me herself so I might as well tell him and put us all out of our misery because it is a fact that Vilde will not leave either of us alone if she doesn’t get the full story. Which is kind of true. I still don’t tell him anything. I just laugh and down load a gay porn app on his phone. Tell him to look it up. Figure out how to Google. Threaten to create a Grindr profile for him so he can try it out himself. Which kind of tips him over the edge I think, because he just sits there and smiles at me whilst shaking his head. 

‘’You are happy Isak’’ He says at the end of the day. ‘’It’s good. Happy looks good on you mate.’’  
I give him a hug. I feel like I am at least 6 meters tall. Proud. Light. Free. I think being happy looks good on me too.


	19. Muffin War

EVEN  
It’s been a good day. Kind of busy but OK. I am addicted to my phone now. I get it. I lose an hour on Twitter again. Just following new people and reading stuff and clicking on links. I read some good articles. Found some bloggers I didn’t know about. I kind of get Isak and his phone now. Keeping him busy. 

I have booked us in for blood tests at the STD clinic on Wednesday, which I am kind of proud of. I actually rang up. Like an adult. Knew Isak’s date of birth and everything, which was pretty awesome. I called him my partner which made me blush, even though I was on the phone. I was half expecting the receptionist to reply back with a ‘’Really? You, Even Bech Naesheim have a partner? A real one? And you have sex?’’ She didn’t though. Just said ‘’See you Wednesday at 4’’. Like a normal person. 

I have also written out a shopping list, which is kind of a first too. I even texted Dad to ask what that sauce is he does for pasta, the one with the chicken and pesto thingy. He hasn’t replied, but then he is driving so I’m sure I will hear from him eventually. 

It’s just me and Niels today. Niels is studying at uni and spends a lot of time sitting on the floor with his textbook when we are not busy, whilst I Twitter away on my phone. Which suits me just fine. We were supposed to have a third person today, one of those that rotate around all the coffee shops in our area, but they didn’t show, which is fine. We can cope.

We did get caught by Gudrun, the lady who manages all the shops. She just suddenly stood there staring at me, whilst I lazily sipped a cold cup of tea and read the guardian online, and Niels was on all fours drawing flowcharts on the floor. I mean it looked a bit shit. Hardly the happy cheery ‘’Hello and welcome’’ we are supposed to say as soon as customers walk through the door. I mean we never do. We smile. We are not shit. And the coffee shop was like sparkling clean with no dirty cups left out and a few random customers who were all like OK.

She didn’t scold us or anything, just did that disapproving look. She never smiles anyway. Just looks bitter and harsh and disappointed. Like she is bitter at everything. Like life has never treated her well. Then she disappeared into the back office where she has been hiding for the rest of the afternoon. 

It got busy after that, which was kind of good. Not that Gudrun will come out and help, I don’t think she actually knows how to make a cup of tea. Or how to pour a glass of apple juice. But Niels and I have a system, and it all kind of flows. 

Isak keeps texting me, which just makes me insanely happy. He scared me this morning. Made me think It was all too good to be true. That I had made up this fairy tale story in my head and it turned out it was mostly in my head. That he wasn’t all in, not like I am. I am all in with Isak. I want it all. No holding back anymore. I am too old for that. Too tired of being frightened and alone. I am all aboard the brilliant ship Isak and kind of hoping he will be the one that sails me out of here. The one who makes me brave enough to do something with my life.

I text him back of course. Send him pictures of the latte’s Niels makes with love hearts drawn in the frothy milk. I sometimes just send him a little x. And a little heart. I am a fucking sappy shit. He seems to like it though because he sends me smileys back. Selfies of him pouting his lips like he is kissing me back. Which just makes me smile like an idiot. I even showed Niels. Which made him even grumpier. I somehow don’t think he likes me. Well he doesn’t like anyone. Or anything. He should marry Gudrun. Grumpiest couple in the world. Fact.

So, I have kind of lost track of time by the time Isak stands in front of me with a massive smile on his face. Leaning over the counter pouting for a kiss even though there is a queue behind him. Which is both unprofessional and stupidly adorable but I give him a quick peck on the lips and tell him to sit down on the bar stool by the back of the counter. He usually sits by the window but I can’t talk to him there, and we are pretty much full so I need him close to me. I just want him nearby so I can touch him. Talk to him. Smell him. I am creepy that way. A bit possessive maybe? But what the fuck. He is mine. Mine mine mine.

He looks so happy today, all smiley and crinkle-eyed as he loads up his laptop and throws a textbook on the side. I keep glancing over at him in-between orders, trying to keep up with Niels who is shouting out orders to the waiting customers. As I said we have a system, and Niels is a fucking champion of manning the coffeemaker. 

It just gets worse as the darkness falls. The coffee shop is packed. Dirty shit everywhere, we are running out of clean cups. Niels is doing takeaway cups for everything. I am serving muffins on napkins. Shoving croissants in bags. I just can’t keep up otherwise. 

I have no idea where Isak has gone, but his laptop is still here, and the queue is still building by the door. This is why we need a third person in the afternoons. This is when things go to shit. When I start making mistakes because I get stressed. Niels is huffing and puffing under his breath, whispering ‘’wouldn’t it be nice to have a helpful boss? Does she even know what the fuck is happening out here? No. She is probably catching fucking Pokémon’s and shopping for shoes online the bitch.’’ Which makes me laugh. Just discreetly. I mean he is probably right. The last time she spent the afternoon here she did all her Christmas cards. Which pissed me right off. 

I am in no way pissed off with Isak though, because both Niels and I kind of realize what he is doing at the same time. He is clearing tables. Wiping them down with the cloth that I keep on the side by the door. Moving chairs back. Stacking mugs and crockery in the basket on the side. Just the way we do it. I mean, better that we do it. Whilst I would just throw things in the basket, he has stacked things properly so the basket can just go in the dishwasher. 

I don’t even know what to say. I am just so fucking proud and happy and in love that I start to well up again. All whilst Niels pops out the back and brings back an empty basket, yelling ‘’Yo Isak!’’ and throwing the basket across the room. Which is just fucking ridiculously unprofessionally hilarious. And Isak is just the coolest person in the whole wide world as he catches the basket one handed and replaces it. Bringing the full one back and handing it to me over the counter. Whilst Niels is high fiving him and throwing him a clean tea towel. Telling him he can have free coffee on him anytime. Just say the word. 

‘’Cool’’ Isak says. Winking at me. Sitting himself back down by his laptop. Smiling to himself. The way he does. Every dimple on his face on show. Eyes twinkling.

I throw a chocolate muffin at him. I mean he is just too gorgeous. Being as handsome as Isak should just be outlawed outright. It should be a punishable offence. He catches the muffin. Laughs at me. Fucking little shit. I can’t help myself. I throw another muffin at him. Which he of course catches. Which makes me grab a blueberry scone, which I am just about to chuck at him when I catch Gudrun in the corner of my eye. Which makes me freeze. Well I am giggling like a child. Queue of customers in front of me. And a fucking scone in my bare hand. No serving tongs. Not following any food hygiene regulations whatsoever. Being a brat. 

She just walks past me. Nodding at Niels. Ignoring me and my childish antics.  
‘’Hello, what can I get you?’’ I smile at the next customer. Lobbying the scone behind my back towards Isak.  
‘’Green tea, New York cheesecake and an apple juice please?’’  
I shout ‘’green tea’’ to Niels just as a muffin hits the back of my head. I can hear Isak trying not to laugh. Fucking little shit. Just wait until I get him home. Just wait.


	20. Shagging the boss, like.

ISAK  
‘’Does the kid want a job?’’ I look up. I mean I am listening into Niels and Even’s conversation anyway but they are obviously talking about me. As they are both staring at me.  
‘’I mean the he is here every afternoon anyway, so we could just pay him for his time instead of charging him for his coffee. Makes sense. We could do with someone who just does a few afternoons and fills in at the weekend.’’ I think it’s the most I have ever heard Niels speak.

Niels is looking at Even like it’s the best idea in the world. Even’s mouth is wide open, like he is trying to speak but can’t find any words. I am just bobbing my head backwards and forwards between them like I am watching a fucking tennis match. 

‘’That would be awesome’’ I blurt out. Because it would. Extra cash, and working with Even. I mean I could so do that.   
‘’Can we do that?’’ Even says. Niels just shrugs his shoulders.   
‘’I will tell Gudrun that is what we are doing. Tell her that we will train him and get him started on two afternoons per week or something. I mean he is nice and normal just like you. No drama.’’  
Well that makes both Even and I splutter with laughter. Nice and normal. Really? 

I make myself useful. Even is wiping down the tables and stacking chairs, so I just grab the mop and follow him around. It’s not like its hard work. I can mop floors. Throw shit in the bin. 

I really want to kiss him too, but I don’t want to piss Niels off. Not when I am in his good books and he is offering me a job. 

‘’Is he serious about the job?’’ I whisper to Even.  
‘’Yeah, why wouldn’t he be? That’s how they employed me. I came in with the ad in my hand, and Niels and Caroline just said I had the job. Told me to come back on Monday. I have been working here ever since.’’  
‘’Really?’’ I stop mopping. He is winking at me. Leaning over and giving me lots of little kisses. Until Niels is making gagging sounds behind the coffeemaker and tells us to cut it out before he changes his mind about employing the kid. Which I suppose is me. 

I don’t throw any more baked goods at him. I mean I ate the first muffin he threw at me. The other one is somewhere under the cake display. God knows where that other thing went that he hurled at me. My boyfriend is slightly crazy. Well he is the funniest person I know. Totally bonkers. Well he lets me kiss him and do dirty things to him too which is kind of a bonus. 

We lock up. I mean Even has the keys to the coffee shop which is kind of weird in so many ways. I kind of thought they would have a boss to sort them out, but instead they kind of seem to run the place on their own, deciding who is the boss whenever they feel like it. 

‘’Does this mean that I am shagging my future boss? ‘’ I ask him. Grabbing his hand in mine.  
‘’Yup. And I intend to pull some strings with this new employee of mine.’’ He kisses me. Which makes me a bit weak in the knees. Even can kiss. I mean not that I have anything to compare with but the way he just softly presses his lips against mine, then moves them like he is just tasting my bottom lip. Sucking on it, and letting his tongue slip in between my teeth. It makes me come over all funny. Kind of turned on and faint and out of control.

‘’What Kind of favours?’’ I don’t really want to know. But I do.   
‘’Oh, just the occasional blowjob in the staff toilet. You know when it’s not very busy. I might also ask for a few out of hour favours. Like that you come home with me after work so I can fuck you.’’

God, he actually looks serious. For about five seconds before he bursts out laughing. His whole face crinkled up in dimples. So, I kiss him again. Cheekily grab his crotch, only to find he has some action going on down there.

I just look at him. Kind of questioning him. He just raises and eyebrow at me. Mouths ‘’Your fucking fault’’ at me and kind of blushes. He is fucking adorable when he blushes. The most handsome man in the world. 

I kind of wonder if the supermarket has a customer toilet. I mean there should be a toilet. For kids and the elderly and that. And I might have a bladder infection or something.   
Even has picked up a basket. Holding some kind of list in his hand. I just drag him over to the tills. Because I am that person. And I am selfish. Well I am not selfish really. He has a little bit of a problem in his pants and I would be a seriously bad boyfriend if I didn’t kind of help to sort it out.

I did enough damage this morning being fucking stupid. So, I suppose I owe him as well. I owe him a lot actually. And the confused look on his face when I stop a lady wearing a badge saying ‘’Lisbeth, ask me if you need help!’’ in cheery letters is just brilliant. 

‘’Sorry Lisbeth, my partner needs to use the bathroom. Could you tell me if there is a customer toilet please?’’

I can feel my face blushing. I am not cheeky. I never lie. I am so not this kind of person. The one who is desperate to get my boyfriend off. It doesn’t help that I am wearing that freaking jacket again that doesn’t cover ANYTHING. I kind of know that Even might have some kind of control in the boner department, but I have zero. Zero control. The stifled laugh he lets out is not helping either. We are both blushing. I mean my face is the colour of beetroot. I know what I look like. Even’s is scarlet. Matching his beanie. His eyes twinkling and his dimples all on show. 

‘’Yes of course’’ Lisbeth says and points at the huge obvious sign 2 metres away. Saying ‘’Customer Toilets’’

‘’Thank you’’ I smile sweetly. Well I probably grimace. Drag Even towards the door. Laugh at him mumbling ‘’What the fuck are you up to now Isak?’’  
I just smile. Slam the door shut behind us. His hands tugging at my jeans before I even get the latch turned on the lock.


	21. Shopping and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and Kudos. I love hearing your thoughts. I am working this week so will update as soon as I am free again, hopefully by the weekend. 
> 
> There will be one more chapter going live in Loves In Norwegian shortly so keep your eyes peeled. And the new Larry fic will go live at the weekend too. Squeee! 
> 
> Xxxxxxxx

Even  
He tries to blow me. Which I put an end to. Because it’s my turn. He had his go this morning, and however greedy I am for his mouth, I am just as greedy for his cock. In my mouth. Just the thought of tasting him is making me a little weak in the knees. So, I try to go down on him but he is holding my face in his hands and kissing me with a hunger that I haven’t quite seen in him before. He is a little bit desperate. Whimpering around my lips. His cock hard and wet between us. Grinding his hips against me. In a fucking supermarket toilet. I mean come on. 

If you had asked me a week ago what my ultimate sexual fantasy was I would have spouted out some fan fic inspired shit that I had probably seen in porn. Now, I mean fuck me. Jesus Christ. This is right up there in my top 5. Along with fucking in Isak’s bed, and me getting fucked in Isak’s bed and jacking off in the bath with him and shit and stuff.

I am thinking I could fuck him over the sink. Just the thought makes my cock twitch so hard that I think I am about to shoot all over him. Whilst he has his tongue in my mouth. Groaning. 

So, I think I could let him fuck me over the sink. But my sex-hazed brain has trouble with logistics, and instead I am pumping his cock and trying to lick his tonsils. I have forgotten how to kiss. I am just slobbering all over him. Gripping his t-shirt and trying to pull it over his head whilst he is still wearing his jacket. Which just doesn’t work in any kind of universe.

I just stand there with the fabric scrunched up between my fingers somewhere on his shoulder, whist my bare stomach rubs against his. My shirt has been ripped open by him. Or me. I don’t actually know who did what, whilst my hand is trying to fit between us and our cocks are straining and twitching with every touch of skin.

He has his hand around my cock now too. Just pumping slowly. Giving me mouth to mouth. Because I am fucking dying here. Dying with pride and horniness and love and awe. I am so in awe of him. The way he is just falling apart in my arms. The way he is so brave in giving himself to me, whilst I stand here and feel horny and awkward and ridiculous in so many ways, but he makes me brave too. Because If Isak can let go like this, I am going where ever he is going. Up or down or just staying right here. 

I don’t think we have any clue what we are actually trying to do apart from that I am breathing into his mouth and shouting ‘’fuck fuck fuck fuck’’ as I start to come into his hand. That seems to be my word of choice when I am coming. I thought I was way classier than that. I don’t know what I thought to be honest. It’s the only word that comes to mind when he is pumping me like that and sucking the skin on my neck into his mouth and making my head spin. I am still coming. Just small spurts of come shooting out of me with every turn of his hand. My head resting on his shoulder. Completely spent. My hand still lazily jerking him off. I just haven’t got any energy left in me. He has taken it all. Fucking shit on a breadstick or something like that. 

I wonder if we can borrow one of those supermarket wheelchairs so he can wheel me around the store for our shop. Because there is no way I can walk right now. My legs shaking. Panting into his ear. 

‘’I was going to fuck you over the sink baby but I couldn’t hold it any longer, you just make me so horny. You are all I think about. You and that fucking cock of yours. And your fucking tight arse. I want to fuck you again. I want it so badly. Just you and me in bed and load of lube and.’’

I have to stop right there because he is screaming into my ear. Shouting ‘’Even you little fucker!’’ as he is coming into my hand. Warm liquid running down my fingers as I pump him. A little faster with every groan he lets out until he is starting to go soft in my hand. Wet and soft and spent. His arms curling around my neck. His breath warm and solid against my skin. 

‘’I love it when you talk like that to me, when you say dirty things like how you want to fuck and stuff’’ His voice is all raspy. Soft and tired. Making me wish we were naked in my bed. If we were we would just curl up and fall asleep now. But we are not. Which makes me giggle.  
‘’I love how your dirty mind works Isak’’ I whisper. ‘’I love how you make me do all these crazy things in public toilets. I mean what the fuck just happened? I thought we were going food shopping?’’

‘’We still are, but you were sporting a boner and I need a longer jacket and some sort of contraption to keep myself from getting a hard on every time you kiss me.’’ He is nuzzling into my neck. Kissing my skin between every word. Still holding me tight. Leaning against the sink that is creaking against the weight of us. The automatic tap switching on and off with every move we make. I hadn’t noticed before. And I think the back of Isak’s jacket is wet. 

I try to stand up. Try to get Isak to stand up. He just leans back against the sink. Jumping to the side when the tap turns on again and gives the back of his jacket another gush of water. I just laugh. Kiss him again. Stand back and watch him stand there shaking his wet jacket out. Jeans and underpants around his ankles. Those red underpants. They look fucking brilliant on him as he pulls them up and tucks himself in. Slung low over his hips showing off every line on his stomach. 

‘’Isak and Even Rule number 4’’, I whisper. I don’t know why I am whispering since we have just screamed our lungs out having sex in here or something, but whatever.  
‘’What is rule number 4?’’ He whispers back. Fastening his jeans and tucking the back of his t-shirt in under his belt.  
‘’When we get our own flat one day we should always be naked. Underpants allowed if it’s cold. I just love seeing you naked. You are beautiful. Gorgeous.’’ He is blushing. 

My mind is screaming ‘’MINE MINE MINE’’ again. In a good way. Making my cock twitch. Making me internally scream ‘’fuck off’’ to my cock. Well not really. The semi is back. To stay. Again.  
‘’Good rule’’ he whispers, and starts to button up my shirt. Stopping to place a soft kiss on my collarbone before straightening my collar and fastening the last button. 

I pick up my rucksack and throw it over my shoulder. He picks my beanie up from the floor and pulls it over his head. It looks good on him. Mine mine mine. He is so mine. Then I kiss him again. 

ISAK

Supermarket shopping with Even is ridiculous. He walks every fucking aisle. I would just criss cross the store and get what I need. But Even has some kind of shopping experience OCD going on. Which is freaking adorable.

We have a trolley. And a list. My jacket hanging over the trolley handle. His left hand pushing the trolley, his right hand in mine.  
I tell him he needs basics. Because he does. So, we get butter. Marmalade. Sliced ham and a block of cheese. A cheese slicer, since Even says theirs went missing months ago, when his mum decided to clean out the drawers and gave up halfway through. Then we get pasta and stuff for some sauce that Even’s dad has texted him the recipe for. Chicken. Slabs of salmon. Proper food. Vegetables. Loads of fruit. Which means the shop costs a freaking fortune.

I try to pay half. Which he won’t let me. Then I say that I am moving in with him and will eat half of all the food in his house anyway, so he better let me pay half. He just sticks his tongue out at me. Kisses me in front of the cashier and says that I already live with him because all of my clean clothes are in his room now anyway.

I try to argue back. Then make a mental note to get his bank details so I can move some money over to his account later.  
We are all domesticated. Like a married couple. Packing groceries into bags. Stuffing our rucksacks with the heavy stuff. Making the cashier blush when I sneak in a cuddle whilst Even puts his pin code in the card machine. I can’t help myself. He is just made for cuddling. And I kind of fit perfectly under his arm. In my little spot. My face buried in his scarf. His lips kissing the top of my head. 

I feel all warm and fuzzy when we walk through the door, almost like coming home. Even’s mum shouting from the living room that she is ‘’starving and needs feeding’’ which makes me laugh.  
‘’Have you actually eaten anything today Mum?’’ Even shouts back.  
‘’Coffee. 3 chocolate bars and an apple. All part of a healthy varied diet’’ she replies. ‘’Is my Isak with you?’’  
My Isak. I mean what? ‘’I’m here, hi Klara!’’  
’’Hi babe’’ she replies. I follow Even in as he gives her a hug. Holding him tight against her with her eyes closed. The way you would imagine your mum hugs you. Which makes my heart twitch a little bit. Just for a second though, because the next thing I know I am scooped up into another big mum hug. Being held tight and snuggled. 

‘’God, you are just as skinny as Even. Go eat some chocolate or something. Order some pizza.’’  
‘’We got shopping Mum. No Pizza tonight. We are cooking. Food. Proper shit.’’ Even is already carrying the bags through to the kitchen. Whilst I stand there being awkwardly cuddled by his mum.  
‘’We are making pasta’’ I blurt out. Because what am I supposed to say?  
Klara lets go of me and pushes me towards the kitchen. ‘’Shoo. Off you go. Go cook me dinner. I’m starving. And if you two value your lives you can also make me another cup of coffee. Because you love me. You do.’’  
‘’I love you Mum’’ Even calls back. Flicking the switch on the coffee machine that he was already loading with coffee grinds as I entered the room. I start unloading the food. Then I clean out the fridge, which takes like half a minute. Chuck away everything in there. Even just laughs at me as I dump things in the bin under the sink. Remove the binliner and tie it up so we can get rid of it before it smells.

He brings his mum coffee. With a side plate of biscuits that we bought. Which makes her squeal and shout that she loves us and that includes me because I am her fucking son-in-law which is freaking awesome. She is mad. She makes me laugh. 

Even cooks us pasta with some amazing chicken and pesto thing which we all eat curled up on the oversized armchair next to Klara, with some Swedish thriller thing running. It’s good. And I spot a mistake which earns me a high five from Klara, and a 5 minute break to pee whist she goes in and fixes her spelling mistake.  
Then we eat ice cream. A whole fucking tub between the 3 of us. Which makes me feel sick. In a good way. Because then I have a shower and crawl into Even's bed. Naked. With him. Two boys. 10 pillows. A massive soft big fluffy duvet. And two ridiculous boners.


	22. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://kreativtforum.no/artikler/overganger/2013/10/terje-rangnes-til-sheriff
> 
> Meet Terje Rangnes, the actor and director who plays Isak's SKAM-Pappa. He is a hunk. Perfectly cast as Isaks Dad. Click on the link to see him before reading the next chapter. The fact that his name is Terje is just super funny too. 
> 
> More pics here  
> http://www.verdenssterkestemann.no/mennesker/terje-rangnes/

ISAK

I am stressed. Exhausted.  
I feel like I have been running on adrenaline for the last couple of days and never really caught up with myself. Almost like I have been constantly on edge with no reprieve and my body is screaming that it needs to sleep. Or crash. I don’t mind though. I have spent the last year being bored and sad and now I am neither. I am happy. Busy. Stupidly behind.

I got no homework done yesterday, I mean I tried to do my maths assignment at the coffee shop yesterday but it got so busy that I just couldn’t sit there and watch. Then I kind of lost the will to do any work when we got home. I was just tired. Weary. I just needed to sit cuddled up with Even and let him make me feel human and loved and happy and shit and stuff. He does that. I never realized how much I crave body contact. Skin to skin. How just leaning against him makes my body slow down. I go all soft and relaxed and calm. If I knew how to bottle Even into a pill I would make a fortune. Instant love and happiness in a tiny capsule. 

He texted earlier and asked if I can work with them this afternoon. They are one down again and apparently Niels has cleared it all with the boss and I have a pile of paperwork to fill in. I have a job. I have a boyfriend. A partner. And a job. I am a fucking adult. Who would have thought. Little old me. Did I mention that I have a job?

I skipped lunch today so I could get some homework done. Just so I actually have a clue what is going on at school. I hate feeling this out of control. I spent English class earlier doing my chemistry homework, and I have no idea what we need to do for English for tomorrow, then I have finished the Maths thing, but there is this book we need to read for Norwegian and I am just slipping in every subject. I am not on the ball. Not as sharp. Daydreaming. Letting my thoughts wander instead of concentrating and taking notes. 

On top of it all Dad wants me to come for dinner tonight. Which is fine. I told him I am bringing Even, and I think Dad is freaking out. He has texted me about 5 times about what Even eats and is he allergic and does he like garlic bread? I mean Dad. Hello? Who doesn’t like garlic bread?

So, I am coordinating everyone like some personal secretary. Reminding Even to sort his mum with dinner, as I know if we don’t feed her she just won’t eat. I shake my head. She is totally crazy. Works every hour of the day and lives of crap. Yet she is the loveliest woman. I mean she gave birth to Even, who is my favourite human being in the whole world, so I will be like eternally in her debt or something.

I am texting Dad telling him to chill. Messaging Even every 5 minutes. Because I can. And because it makes me so damn happy whenever my phone pings and his name comes up on the screen. I have changed his name to Even surrounded by red heart emoji’s, just like my name is on his phone. Isak with a red heart either side. 

Magnus brings me a sandwich from the canteen. Tells me I look like shit and that I am an idiot not eating properly. Then he makes me drink half his Coke which gives me palpitations from the sugar rush. I still survive biology and lab. Shove all my stuff in my locker and make a run for it.  
The coffee shop is packed again. Loads of people from school lining up as usual. I feel quite cool as I duck behind the counter and throw my bag in the back. Stealing a quick cuddle with Even as he pulls an apron over my head and kisses me. Soft and sweet. Just a tiny flick of his tongue. Smelling gorgeously like him. Wearing my hoodie. 

Well I am wearing his t-shirt. His socks. My shirt. I think. We just put on whatever was lying on the floor next to the bed this morning.  
We were late again. Simply because I just couldn’t physically get out of bed this morning because Even was lying on top of me when I woke up, spread out with his chest against my back pushing me into the mattress. Licking my neck and grinding his morning wood against me. Then he flipped me over and took my cock in his mouth, whilst his lube slick fingers played with my arse until I was squealing and panting and begging and shouting a little bit too loudly that I needed him to fuck me. Which he did. 

I get a little hard in my jeans just thinking of it. Wiggling my bum against the door whilst Even’s lips are kissing little trails down my neck.  
I let him fuck me again. And wow. He is fucking amazing in bed. Not that I have anything to compare with but I definitely have no complaints. I ended up on top of him. Riding his cock. Which I didn’t think would work but it was fucking brilliant. Shooting come all over his chest as the bed creaked and his fingers were covering my mouth so I wouldn’t scream the house down and wake his mum. I ended up sucking his fingers. Licking come of his chest. Behaving like some sex depraved crazy person. Fucking ridiculous. God, I love him. 

‘’Can we sleep at your place tonight?’’ he whispers in my ear. ‘’I need to have sex with you again, I just can’t stop thinking about it. I need you to fuck me, so I can ride you like you did this morning. Fucking dirty sexy boy, you drive me fucking crazy’’.  
‘’You need to stop talking dirty to me baby’’ I have a boner. Well, what’s new? At least I have one of those big aprons on now.  
‘’You love it’’ He has that big cheeky smile on his face.  
‘’I love you’’ I lick the tip of his nose. Grab his crotch through his apron. Yup. A bit of action going on there too. Good. Not just me then. 

‘’Oi wankers!!’’  
That’s Niels. Suppose he needs a hand. 

EVEN  
Isak is a fucking genius. It took me a week to learn how to run the cash register. I showed him how to do it twice. Then he took over. Me taking the orders and plating cakes, him doing the cash register and Niels doing the drinks. Fucking A team. He just gets stuff. I bet he will be making mochaccinos by tomorrow. Running the place like he owns it. 

I am like some proud mother hen. I sort out the floor, wiping tables and picking up crockery whilst I quietly observe him taking orders. He is a little shy. A little awkward, especially if it’s the school people. I can tell he knows a few of them. Doing a little chit chat. He is good though. He is really good. He drops a plate of cake on the floor fumbling around for a napkin in front of some girls. Which is really cute, but he looks like he might run off and cry for a second. He doesn’t. Because I just grab him and kiss him there and then making the girls giggle like they are little kids. Blushing and staring at us over their shoulders as they drink their weak ass teas and fiddle with their muffins. 

Niels keeps giving him high fives. Telling him he’s ‘’the man’’ or some other stupid phrase that only Niels could get away with using. Calling us both dude. 

By the time we lock up I am a little shaky. Not hungry, I just need to cuddle him. We haven’t had time all afternoon to talk. Hold each other. Kiss and snuggle and just be us. I need that. 

I think I kind of half carry him to the tram stop. Trying to kiss him and snuggle him and talk rubbish in his ear at the same time whilst he is giggling and trying to get his hand down the back of my jeans so he can fondle my bum. Because he can he says. And because he wants to. He loves me you see. Which makes me blush and shiver and go all funny and awkward as we get on the tram. I sit on his lap. Because I just need to. I don’t care that there are plenty of seats, and that people are staring, I sit on his lap because he holds me like I am a baby and lets my put my face in his neck like he does to me. For the first time all day I am just me. Happy. Relaxed. Us. 

Isak’s Dad is hilarious. First. He looks just like Isak. Which unnerves me a bit, because it is like looking at Isak 2.0. Freaky as hell. Just a bit older and more rugged. Needs a haircut. Awkward as fuck.  
I don’t think it’s me though, I think it’s more the fact that his fucking kitchen is on fire or something. He has burnt something in the oven that is just a mass off black, and there is smoke everywhere. Fire alarm squealing like there is an actual fire going on.  
Isak is opening windows and shouting at his Dad who is just pacing up and down from the oven to the stove, desperately tugging at his hair and muttering really rude words under his breath. 

‘’Was that supposed to be garlic bread Dad?’’ Isak laughs, whilst trying to waft smoke out the window. I just stand there in shock. Not quite knowing what to do.  
‘’I made the fucker from scratch and everything Isak. Trying to impress with my cooking skills. Showing Even here that I am not a completely useless Dad.’’  
‘’You are not a useless Dad, Dad’’ Isak says calmly, pulling on some oven gloves and picking up what I assume was supposed to be garlic bread. Looking at it from different angles like he is trying to figure out if there is any molecule left that is edible. 

I kind of find my voice. Walking over to the stove and lifting the lid on something that smells, well quite divine. With strange overtones.  
‘’Have you got something to stir with?’’ I ask. Awkwardly. I know a bit about cooking. And I am pretty sure whatever is in the pot is burning too. 

‘’Oh fuck’’ Isak’s Dad whimpers, rumbling in the sink for a wooden spoon, rinsing it and wiping it on his trouser leg. ‘’That is burning as well isn’t it?’’  
‘’I think we can save it’’ I say, fumbling on the dials trying to get the heat off. Bloody induction cookers. All three of us desperately pushing at the touch dials and swearing. 

‘’Dad, get beer. We need beer.’’ Isak is taking charge. Thank God. Because the kitchen is a mess. And we are probably not helping. 

‘’Shall I order Pizza?’’ Isak’s Dad says meekly. Looking embarrassed as he hands me a bottle of beer.  
‘’Nah. This smells gorgeous.’’ I am hopeful. Trying to be kind.  
‘’Even, Its burnt. Cremated.’’ Isak’s Dad is actually laughing now. Wiping tears from his eyes.  
Reaching his hand out and shaking mine. ‘’I’m Terje. Isak’s completely useless Dad’’  
‘’Even. Isak’s just as useless boyfriend. I’m not sure I can save this stew Terje. ‘’ We are both laughing. Turning to Isak who is now sniffing the black lump that used to be garlic bread. 

‘’Dad, Pizza sounds great. Just order it. ‘’

I really like Isak’s Dad. I mean he is just like Isak. Funny as fuck once he warms up. Making us both laugh with stories of the IT nerds he works with. Turning the football on whilst we eat pizza and drink beer. All three of us with our socked feet on the coffee table. Shouting at the players.  
I ask him if he has a girlfriend. I mean Isak has never told me if he has. He never mentioned it. 

‘’No’’ He replies. Looking sad. Embarrassed. ‘’I am no good with stuff like that. I’m better on my own.’’

‘’Nobody is better on their own’’ I say. ‘’I used to think that I was fine before I met Isak. I used to think I didn’t need anyone, that I was happy just being single and being me. I was wrong. I was not even half living until I met him. ‘’ I am rambling. Talking rubbish to Isak’s poor Dad. Isak blushing next to me fiddling with the buckle on his belt. 

‘’We should get you on Tinder or whatever it’s called, you know that Facebook dating thing’’ Oh for fucks sake Even, I never know when to shut the fuck up.  
‘’You need to be on Facebook for that’’ Isak says. Well he doesn’t look like he wants to kill me so that is good.  
‘’I am on Facebook’’ Terje says.  
‘’You are on Facebook?’’ Isak almost squeals.  
‘’You are not friends on Facebook?’’ I now get why I stayed away from social media for so long. It’s ridiculous.  
I fish out my phone and open Facebook. Look up Terje Valtersen. Friend request him.  
‘’OK. I am now friends with you on Facebook.’’  
‘’How many friends does that make Even?’’ Isak is teasing.  
‘’22, There are a few desperates in there. I mean having less than 20 is just pathetic.’’ We are all smiling.  
‘’I have 429 friends on there’’ Terje blurts out. Whilst my phone pings to confirm that we are now friends. 430 with you Even. ‘’  
‘’Fucking hell Dad, where did all those friends come from?’’ Isak looks genuinely shocked.  
‘’Work. Floor hockey team. Running group. I hardly know any of them.’’  
‘’You have all those people who think you are cool enough to be friends with on bloody Facebook and you sit here alone in the evenings. That’s fucked up Dad. ‘’ Isak is leaning forwards on his knees. Phone in hand. Looking genuinely concerned.  
Terje just shrugs his shoulders. ‘’Sometimes it’s easier that way Isak.’’ 

I look up at Isak’s Dad. Little embarrassed smile on my face. Isak’s hand finding mine.  
‘’Coffee?’’ Isak’s Dad blurts out. A little too enthusiastic. Thank God for that. We both almost shout ‘’Yes!!’’.

Terje won’t let us clean up. He says it will give him something to do tomorrow. Remind him that we were here which will make him happy.  
He gives us both a man hug. An awkward Dad hug. Little slaps on the back. Says it was nice to meet me. That I should come over next week for dinner again. That he will stick to take-aways from now on, but that he can cook, and does a decent fish pie. 

We sit in silence on the tram. I am just tired. Isak looks wrecked. He is almost asleep against my shoulder with his backpack sliding off his lap.  
I drag him up the stairs to the flat, watching him fiddle with the key to get the door open.  
We kick our shoes off. Tiptoe down the corridor like some deranged thieves in the night. Close the door with a quiet click.  
‘’Oh for fucks sake’’ Isak whispers. Then he starts to cry. Long deep sobs into his hands. 

I stand there like an idiot. Looking at the unmade bed. Remembering that the sheets are sitting in a neat pile on my bedroom floor. All we have in front of us is a bare mattress and a duvet filler thrown on the floor. Two washed out lumpy pillows in the corner. 

I scoop him up in my arms. He is exhausted. I can tell. Just the way he falls against me when I carefully lay him down. We are both fully clothed but I don’t care. This was Tuesday. And Tuesday slayed us both. So, I roll over and grab the duvet. Wrap it around us as I hold him. Rock him gently until the sobs quieten down and he falls asleep. Snuffling slightly. A stray tear making its way down his cheek. I kiss it away. Whisper that I love him. 

I promise myself to look after him better tomorrow. To help him with his homework. Let him sleep a little longer. I don’t remember anything else after that.


	23. Man-Bath's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient. Updates should come thick and fast now. I hope. xxxxxx

Even

I don’t know why I am awake so fucking early. It could be because my neck feels like someone has kicked the hell out of me, and that I have slept in my clothes. My arm is dead too. Not that I want to move. Isak is still snuggled up against me, his face tight against my neck. Head firmly on my arm. Legs tangled in mine. 

I love this. Waking up with him in my arms. Waking up feeling warm and loved. Yes, I admit I am fucking uncomfortable like this but having him here with me makes up for the pain. For a bit. Because I do actually have to move my arm. Like right now. Before it falls off. 

I try to maneuver him so he is comfy against the bare mattress. Snuggled up with the duvet around him as I wiggle away. I need the loo. I need some blood in my arm. And a new neck. Probably.

I sneak out in the hallway. The loo is empty thank you. Then I run a bath. Because I can. Because we actually have time. There is nothing else that I want more right now than to lie in the bath with a sleep warm snuggly Isak.  
I find some bath oil that smells OK. Drop a few drops in. Squeeze a spot on my chin. Brush my teeth with Isak’s toothbrush. I should probably find the ones we bought for here, and the one we bought for Isak at my place. I know we bought some, but have no idea where they actually went.  
Then I sneak back in and snuggle back up with my boy. My gorgeous grumpy sleepy little monkey.

‘’Hey baby, I have run us a bath. It’s warm. We can have a bath before breakfast, and then I will walk you to school OK? ‘’  
He just grunts at me. Cute as fuck.  
‘’OK, Baby, I am going to take some of these clothes off, because you are sleeping in your jacket and shit.’’  
He grunts again. He still lets me sit him up in return for little kisses and strokes of his hair. Leaning his head against my shoulder as I lift his t-shirt over his head. Goosebumps forming on his skin. Prickly heat against my fingers.  
I somehow manage to manhandle him up so he is standing up against me so that I can get his jeans off. Socks coming off his feet as I pull the legs away. My arms snug around him as I hug-walk him out in the hallway whilst whispering that I love him. That he is my baby. That he is the best fucking thing that ever happened to me. 

I can hear him smile even though he is silent with his face against my shoulder. He does let off a content little sigh as his body sinks into the bath. Soft bubbles and foam and steam rising around his face, where his eyes are still closed. Half asleep.  
I strip. Well I can’t get my clothes off fast enough. It’s like I am desperate for his skin against mine, the way I relax when I am holding him. It’s become like a drug. That desperate need for him. That amazing feeling when I know I am loved. When I know that I am not alone anymore. That it’s not just me. Not just him. It’s us. It is freaking amazing.

He opens his eyes and smiles at me when I slide into the bath behind him, letting my arms snake under his so that he can lean back against my chest. My lips in his hair. This time it is me doing the contented sigh.  
‘’This is lovely Evy’’ Isak mumbles, snuggling his face into my neck.  
‘’Evy? I’m Evy now am I?’’  
‘’Well what do you want me to call you? I like Evy. You are my Evy. My baby’’  
‘’I’ll be your Evy then.’’ I will. He can call me anything. I still love him. Especially naked. In the bath.  
‘’Tell me what you need me to help you with today. I’m off and you need to go to school so I can do any little jobs to help. You mentioned a book you had to read for Norwegian. Let me read it and I will write you a synopsis and give you the lowdown. Easy. That should take some pressure off you.’’  
‘’You would do that?’’ He looks genuinely surprised. ‘’That is cheating though, isn’t it?’’  
‘’I suppose so, but it’s something I am good at and I can talk you through it to the point that you can convince someone that you actually read the book. It’s not like they are going to fail you. You will be fine. Now what else can I do?’’  
‘’I don’t know. Maybe pick me up from school since you are not working at KB today. I used to hate the days when you weren’t working. I would go in and stand in line hoping that you were on your break or something, and then I would sit there and drink my coffee and be all depressed because you weren’t there’’  
‘’Ahhhw. Poor baby. I used to think about you when I wasn’t there. Wonder if you still came in. If you were sitting there on your own doing your homework. I always missed you. I thought about you a lot.’’ That earns me another kiss. Soft and sweet against my lips.

‘’Could you do my laundry again? I mean I feel cheeky asking, but I am out of clean clothes again. And I haven’t had the time to book a slot downstairs. I have kind of been busy. With you.’’  
‘’I will do all the laundry. Don’t worry. I like that you have been busy. With Me.’’

He laughs. I giggle. Kiss little kisses along his jaw. We both wiggle our toes. Let our fingers lace under the water.

‘’I love this. Just you and me. In the bath. It’s like there is nothing that can hurt us. Nothing but us. It’s nice. Safe. Kind of romantic.’’  
‘’Next time we will have candles. Rose petals. Champagne’’  
‘’Fuck off’’ He flicks some bubbles at me. ‘’We are not chicks. This is a Man bath. All soap and cuddles and manly kisses and shit.’’  
‘’Man bath. I suppose then we go back to your Man room and have a Man shag before breakfast?’’  
‘’Now there is an idea!’’ He turns around and kind of straddles me in the bath. We don’t fit. It’s all legs and arms and water and bubbles and kisses and skin and us, but God he is just too much. Too handsome. Too ripped and gorgeous and fit. Muscles beneath my fingertips. Soft skin. His lips on mine. Tongues and hot breaths and little moans and whispers. 

‘’Let me take you to bed and wake you up properly’’ He whispers in my ear.  
‘’I think I am already awake’’ I whisper back. Because my cock definitely is. Straight up and hard poking its head out of the water.  
We don’t bother with towels. To be honest nothing bothers us at this point. Naked and wet and giggling softly as we sneak down the corridor and close Isak’s door behind us. 

‘’Can I fuck you?’’ He whispers against my cheek.  
‘’I love you’’ I whisper back. Because I do. And because my hand is already rumbling around in the bottom of my rucksack looking for the lube as he is pushing me down on the bare mattress.  
His lips are kissing trails up my stomach, cruelly ignoring my straining cock. Well I am just closing my eyes, clutching the bottle of lube in a vice like grip. He sucks my nipple into his mouth, letting his tongue flick around the hard nub, nuzzling and suckling and moaning against my skin. I just fist his hair. Because what the fuck am I supposed to do apart from love him back? Well I try to reach for him but his mouth is heading south again. Sucking my balls that are sitting high and tight under my cock. Licking lines along the thick vein. Lapping up the precome that is pooling in my slit. 

I just whimper. Because there is nothing else I can do. I just let him love me. The thick muscle of his tongue pressing down between my butt cheeks as his fingers spread me open. Lapping and kissing and moaning. Making me shout out his name. Fist the hair on his head. Edging my heels into the mattress beneath me.  
He has my legs bent up, all exposed and naked. Tongue tasting my skin. Up and down. Hard laps over my rim, making me clench and squeal. My legs spasm with every tough, but he holds firm. His fingers holding me open, his arms pushing against my thighs. The bottle of lube being wrenched from my grip.

My cock is getting neglected again, but I manage to get a good grip so I can pump myself as he pushes the first lube covered finger through the ring of muscle. Just softly moving in and out in steady movements. His tongue lapping at my balls. My hand pumping my cock. Lube being drizzled over my hand. Deliciously slick as I speed up my movements. 

There is that second finger. I don’t even have to ask. He has one of my balls in his mouth. Two fingers up my arse. He is the fucking king. The god of sex. All I could ever ask for. Moving in and out. Making my mouth squeal out unspeakable sounds. Dirty words. Calling him names that I would never dream of saying out aloud. 

He lets me go with a wet pop. Kisses my arse. Withdraws his fingers which makes me moan with loss and need. Greed. Needing him to be inside me. Needing him to fuck me.  
‘’Please get your cock up my arse baby, I fucking need you. I need you to make me come. I need..’’

He knows what I need. The beautiful man that he is. He is all suited up. Glistening with lube. Pressing his cock inside me firm and sharp. Pressing and filling me up. Making me hold my breath.  
It’s a little bit fast. A little bit heady. The burn spreading through me like fire. Not that I mind. I know how good this is going to get. I just pant. Whimper. Press my nails into his hip as he bottoms out. 

‘’I love being inside you’’ he whispers. His eyes are closed. Sweat dripping down his forehead. Or maybe it’s just the wet curls on his head sending beads of water down his face. He is beautiful anyway. All lost in lust. In desire. Chasing the orgasm.  
‘’Move’’ I whisper ‘’Hard and fast baby. Make me come. I want you to come. Inside me. Filling me up.’’

He does. He moves. Pistoning his hips like a well-oiled engine. Pulling out and slamming back in making my arse burn and glow and shiver. My hips can’t quite stay still. I am moving them up to meet his every thrust. Begging him shamelessly. Shouting a little. Probably waking anyone that might still be sleeping up. Well not only the people in this flat. I am probably waking half of Oslo up when I start to come. Because I roar. I shout. I speak in tongues. Spurting out his name over and over again as I am spilling come all over my stomach. Pools of it melting against the heat of my skin. 

‘’I love you so fucking much’’ He whispers as he falls against my chest.  
I can feel him inside me. I can feel him jerk. Feel him soften as he relaxes against my body. His face flush against my chest. Arms limp by the side of my head. His hair in my face. Making me kiss it. Over and over.  
‘’I love you so fucking much too’’ I whisper back. Because I do. He is everything. Everything I ever wanted.


	24. Needles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10483104/chapters/23128923
> 
> My latest crazy little idea of a fic has gone live! It's the London Aupair fic that nobody knew they needed.....

Isak.  
Today seems to fly past. I mean I am busy. I catch up. I have lunch. Actual lunch sitting at a table eating the food with both hands. I sit down and do the English homework with Magnus, and Jonas laughs at me every time my phone pings. Which it does a lot. God I am such a sap for that boy. Even just makes me smile. Like every 5 minutes. 

He has done laundry. Shopping. He has bought 6 pillows and a new duvet for my bed. Which makes me shout at him a little, well text him in capitals mainly. I tell him off for spending his money on me. But he says it’s our stuff and when we move in together we will bring it all with us anyway so we might as well have proper comfortable stuff. I can’t complain. My bed looks bloody gorgeous. Full off fluffy pillows and a thick duvet. I might never get up in the morning again. 

So, I keep texting him telling him that I love him. And he keeps telling me that he loves me too. That every move he makes reminds him that I love him. Which makes me laugh when I finally get it. Poor baby. He has a sore bottom. Well that’s my fault. I might just have gotten a bit carried away fucking the life out of him this morning. I mean I just can’t help myself. He is the most handsome sexy man in the world and I just end up doing these crazy things to him. Not that he doesn’t beg for it. I mean Even talks dirty like he is in some porno. It’s fucking hot. It makes me a little crazy I think. Like I know I should have used more lube this morning but I was so fucking horny and I just went for it. Full on.

I am hard again. Fuck me. Literally. I try to pull my jacket down. I dread summer. No jacket. I will be fucking ridiculous. I might have to get some hip-hop sweatpants, about 3 sizes too big. So, I can walk around with a boner all day under my oversized t-shirt. Skinny jeans are just not working for me with Even around.  
Come 3 o clock I am desperate. My legs are jumping under the desk. I am clockwatching like my life depends on it. Being an idiot. Not concentrating at all. 3.05. The teacher asks me a direct question. I fluff it. Completely. I mean I haven’t got a clue what we are discussing. Fuck me. 3.10. Jonas texts me. Tells me to stop drooling. 3.14. My jacket is zipped up. My bag is packed. I am ready. Just ring the bell already. Just fucking do it.  
3.15. I can hear Magnus laughing as I bolt out the door, elbowing past everyone.  
I am fucking ridiculous. Desperate. Bouncing down the stairs. Phone in my hand trying to text as I am running down the corridor.  
‘’I’m out. Are you here yet?’’  
‘’Right outside. Have been here since 3. Can’t wait to see you.’’  
Well I almost flatten him. I jump him like some oversexed schoolgirl. Arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Making him carry me like a toddler, his hands under my bum and his lips on mine. Snogging my face off and fumbling and stumbling like he hasn’t seen me for days. Well it’s been hours. Which is far too long in my book.

‘’God that was the longest day ever. I fucking missed you!’’ He mumbles into my neck. Which is so bloody lovely to hear, because I missed him just as much. I tell him I love him. Whispering it into his neck. I just can’t bear to let him go. Not when he smells all gorgeously clean and lovely and sexy and all Even. Every little inch of him.

‘’So, we have our blood tests at the STD clinic at 4, so if we set off now we should be there on time. It’s just past Solliplass so not too far to walk.’’  
To be honest I had forgotten, but now I have my own Even to remind me of shit and sort my life out.  
‘’Cool’’ I grin.  
‘’I also read your book. I had read it before, but I didn’t realize which one it was before I was half way through. It’s good. I will tell you the story as we walk.’’  
I kiss him. Because what else can I do? I mean he is the most awesome human being on the planet. He tells me that he knows that he is. That is why I love him. I agree. Whole heartedly.

By the time we arrive at the STD place Even has told me this epic story of some Norwegian farmer and his struggles with crops and his crazy wife and their haunted barn where all the cows are dying and I kind of get the idea why Mr Madsen asked us to read it. Its fucking fucked up on so many levels, which is usually what prizewinning classics are like. At least I get the story, and Even is really brilliant at explaining the metaphors, and angles and things that I would never have thought of. Thank God for Even. Another little reason that I can add to my long list of why I love him. 

We are both quiet and awkward as we walk up to the reception desk. I mean there are a few other blokes there. All pretending that all the other people don’t exist. Fiddling with their fingers. I mean We all know why we are here. We have sex. Or we have spotty bits. Or sore bums or whatever. What do I know. All I know is that they are going to ask a load of awkward questions and take some blood. I can do that. It’s not like I know any of these people.

The receptionist is a bloke with a mohawk hairdo. In blue. Which is kind of cool. His name-tag says Petter and and apparently, he is a nurse. Well that is what his badge says. Petter gives us a clipboard each to fill in and tells us to take a seat. 

We scribble. We write. I answer all the questions. Have I engaged in ''at risk'' behaviour? I don’t even know what that means so I answer no. Have I used intravenous drugs? Do I have a heroin habit? Am I on methadone? I mean I just want to have sex. With Even. Nothing else. Preferably without a condom. There is no question for that though.  
Even is quiet. Looking a little pale. Scribbling his answers on the clipboard. Ticking all the NO boxes.

‘’Isak Valtersen?’’ someone calls out. I get up. Squeeze Even’s hand. Then walk away to where the woman calling my name stands. 

Well Hello. Its Jonas’ Mum. Oh, for fucking hell on a shit poles sake. 

‘’Hello Isak darling! How lovely to see you! I thought it might be you when I saw your name on the list!’’ Jonas' Mum is being all friendly. Tapping away at her screen. Shooting me a little smile.  
‘’Why would you think that?’’ I reply. A little defensive. I mean. Why would I come here?  
‘’There are not that many Isak Valtersens dear. And I see most of you young lads in here at some point. Now what can I do for you today. ‘’  
I don’t know what to say. I mean I have known Jonas’ Mum since I was a toddler. It’s not like I want to sit here and discuss my sex life with her. So, I blush awkwardly. Fiddle with my fingers. Seriously consider making a run for it. Wishing that I could just melt through the floor.

‘’You do realize that I am a registered nurse Isak, and that anything you tell me is confidential. I won’t be telling Jonas that I have seen you today, and I certainly won’t be telling your Dad that I have seen you. So just relax. Would it be helpful if I asked one of my colleagues to see you instead?’’

I shake my head. Wonder how the fuck to get out of here.

‘’I see that you have booked to have a general STD test. Which is a simple blood test, and I will take a mouth swab and then ask you to give me a urine sample. Have you got any symptoms you want to tell me about? Any spots? Itching? Discharge?’’

‘’No’’. I squeal. I can’t even keep my voice steady. Having a little panic.  
‘’Ok, Easy. Just roll up your sleeve and I will get the blood. Then if there is nothing to worry about then I will send out a letter and you will be all clear. If there are any concerns we will ring you, but please don’t panic, usually it is just that we have mislabelled something or dropped the vial of blood or just need to retest. It’s fairly routine. We are all human. We recommend that you get retested in 6 months if you have several partners. It’s a good practice to get into.’’

I just nod. Wonder what the hell I have gotten myself into. 

She’s good with the needle. Fast. Swaps the vials over and gets the blood samples done. Places a cotton swab on my arm and ties a plaster on top. Then she swabs my mouth with a cotton thingy. Gives me a little bottle to wee in and tells me to hand it to Petter at the desk.  
‘’All done Isak, it was really nice to see you. Give my love to your Dad. Hope he is doing well. Such a handsome man your Dad.’’  
‘’I will, thank you. Bye’’  
I sound like a kid. I just make a run for it. Dive into Even’s arms. Thank God he is here.

‘’Even Bech Naesheim?’’  
Well there he goes. I am alone again. Studying Petter’s Mohawk. Ogling the blokes around me. Trying to figure out why they are all here. Fiddling with the plaster on my arm.  
I dive into the toilet and wee in the little bottle. Screw the cap on tightly. Wash my hands. I barely close the door behind me when I hear someone call my name. ‘’Isak??’’  
Jonas' Mum is standing in the doorway, waving at me. I freeze a little. Do the most awkward walk over. Wondering what on earth she needs to ask now.

She grabs my arm and closes the door behind me. Making my heart jolt. Even is lying flat on his back on a stretcher next to her desk with his arm over his eyes. Whimpering slightly.  
‘’Your Even fainted when I got the needle out. It’s very common. Please don’t feel embarrassed Even. But he asked if you could come and hold his hand. I hope that is OK Isak.’’

‘’Oh Evy.’’ That is all I can say. Because what does it matter if I am embarrassed. I am not really. What does it matter that this is Jonas' Mum. It fucking doesn’t matter. Not when Even is looking crushed and small and embarrassed and weirded out. Not when I throw myself at him and kiss him and hold him and tell him that I fucking love him even though he is a wimp. I even laugh a little at him. Telling him to man the fuck up so he can get a cool plaster like mine. Which makes Jonas’ mum laugh.

‘’He is very handsome your Even’’, she says and winks at me. ‘’I think you have found yourself a keeper there.’’  
‘’I have’’ I say. I smile. Kiss Even’s hand. ‘’He is definitely a keeper’’.

Then I hold his hand as he gasps and whimpers as Jonas mum draws some blood from his arm. Kiss his handsome face as he sits back up looking all pale and shameful and embarrassed. 

Jonas' Mum hugs me as we stand up to leave. Places a little kiss on my forehead. 

‘’I love seeing you happy Isak. It has made my day to meet you and Even. Please don’t be a stranger. Come home with Jonas for dinner one day, like you used to when you were younger. It would be nice. Just like when you were kids. And bring your handsome boy here. ‘’

It almost makes me cry. All this shit about parents and feelings and shit is just too much for me. Blood. Fainting boyfriends with a needle phobia. Who would have thought?

I nod. Smile. Hug her back. Grab Even’s hand.

I know what we both need. Sugar. Crazy chocolate buns. Big creamy coffee’s. A quiet corner somewhere where I can hold his hand and cuddle up in his scarf until I feel a little like myself again.  
‘’Bakery across the road? Chocolate buns? Coffee? Cuddles? There is a free sofa by the window with our name on it’’ I whisper. Kissing the back of his hand. 

‘’Let’s go.’’ He whispers back. Looking a little more like himself. So that’s what we do. We cuddle up on a coffee shop sofa, feeding each other sticky chocolate buns. Laughing at us being the most ridiculous people on the planet. Placing little sneaky kisses on each others faces. Just being us.  
For a minute, I just look at him. Wondering how the fuck I got this lucky.


	25. Saturday Pancakes

ISAK  
It’s been a week. Well more than a week. It is Saturday morning, and I am curled up in Even’s arms, in his big warm fluffy pillow-fest of a bed and there is definitely someone making pancakes. 

Even’s Dad is nothing like my Dad. He is tall and lively and frankly I think he is a little bit crazy. 

Firstly, he says he doesn’t do clothes. That he gets too hot. So, he walks around the house wearing underpants. Not like Even’s cool underpants, no he wears some washed out boxers that look pretty rank. I suppose I will get used to it but it’s a little bit weird. Secondly, he calls me ‘’babe’’ too. Which is just. Well. That’s not what parents do. Is it?

Even just slaps his Dad’s chest and calls him funny little names back. Whilst his Dad hugs him and tells him to get a haircut. They weirdly look nothing like one another, yet in some ways they do. Tall and lanky with chiselled features. His dad slightly lacking in the hair department and Even not quite sporting the same beer gut. 

His dad so clearly adores Klara. It kind of makes me all embarrassed, like I am being a peeping tom watching them interact. Klara keeps touching him and wrapping her arms around him whenever he passes her desk. And Petter, that’s his Dad, plants loud kisses on her mouth whenever they pass. Calling her ‘’sexy pants’’ and ‘’flower’’ and all kinds of ridiculous names. No wonder Even is such a sap. No wonder I love him. 

He is asleep on my chest, all snuggled up. Snuffling under his breath and drooling. I just stroke his hair. Hold him. God I am one lucky fucker. 

His phone is pinging again, which makes me giggle. It’s my Dad. Now apparently, Dad is ace at Uni applications, which I kind of knew anyway since he has done mine. Now he is totally over-involved in getting Even into this media studies program at Oslo University, and there is a scholarship and an entry by submission thing where he can send in some samples of his work and get ahead of the game. So, the two of them are all pals now and have been texting constantly. Not that I mind. Even is trying to get my Dad to sign up for this dating agency for professional singles too. He was telling everyone over dinner last night and Klara is now fully on board with the project of getting my Dad a girlfriend. She said it’s a tragedy that the man is single. Especially if he is handsome as me. Which Even insisted that he was.   
Well the whole thing just got a bit weird and I ended up with my face buried in Evens neck most of the evening, thinking that if my Dad could hear them he would just curl up and die. Just like that.

I do agree though. If I could choose for my Dad, he needs someone in his life. Someone like Even. Someone who will just love him and look after him and make him smile. He probably needs to have sex too. I mean I survived for years without sex. Now though. I am fucking perma-horny. I bet Dad wanks a lot. I mean how else would he survive?

I pick up the phone and text Dad back. Tell him it’s me and that Even is asleep.  
‘’Please tell me he hasn’t signed me up for that Dating thing?’’  
I giggle. ‘’Why? Don’t you want a girlfriend? I’m sure there are some hot single ladies out there Dad’’  
‘’ISAK!!’’ I can almost hear him growl.   
‘’He hasn’t. I will keep him in check Dad. Don’t worry’’  
‘’I had an email from something called ‘’Professional Singles’’ thanking me for signing up to their services. I am freaking out’’  
That’s not like my Dad. I think that is the longest text message he has ever sent me. I suppose Even is in trouble.  
‘’I will tell him to sort it, and if he doesn’t you can always threaten him to change his uni application to something else.’’  
‘’I will make him apply to study the Sewer Engineering program. 5 years straight. In a very dark place’’  
Haha, My Dad is on a roll. ‘’I will tell him Dad. Are you sure you don’t want a girlfriend?’’  
‘’Shut it Isak. You are this close to joining Even on that scholarship. They do a course in Toilet maintenance and servicing too. 6 years. ‘’  
Dad makes me smile. I send him off a simple ‘’Hug’’. He sends me one back. That’s more normal. I don’t know if I prefer my old ‘’one word Dad’’ to this new ‘’speaks in multi-word sentences Dad.’’ I Still think he needs a girlfriend. Seriously.

Even is shuffling around. Kissing my armpit. Because he is half asleep and trying to get comfortable and he doesn’t quite know what he is doing. He has legs and arms like some oversized giraffe as well. It’s like however hard he tries to fold his limbs in and make himself small, he is still too big. Too long. Too fucking adorable for words.   
‘’Hi baby’’ I snuffle into his hair. Wrapping my arms tighter around him.  
‘’Pancakes’’ He whimpers.   
‘’You want pancakes?’’ I am smiling like a freak. He is so fucking cute.  
‘’Need Pancakes in bed. And coffee. Please. If you get me pancakes I will suck you off after. With syrup.  
‘’Syrup?’’  
‘’Yup. I am going to drizzle it on your cock and suck it off. It will be yummy. ‘’  
‘’You are ridiculous Evy’’  
‘’So are you Issy’’  
‘’Oh I am Issy now?’’   
‘’Yup. Evy and Issy. Sounds like two camp drag queens’’

I hit him. Hard. He shouts ‘’Ouch you idiot!’’. Then he snuggles up and kisses my throat. Right on my Adams apple. Sighs that little content sigh that only Even can do.  
I push him off me. Laugh as he just rolls over and pulls the duvet over his head.   
My hoodie is on the floor. I don’t bother with trousers. I mean we are all about the underpants now. 

Then I sneak out in the kitchen. Well I try to sneak. Petter has this sixth sense too. Just like Klara.   
‘’Hi babe’’  
‘’Good morning Petter’’ I sound far too polite. Like I am greeting a vicar.  
‘’For God’s sake Isak, call me Dad or something. Chill babe.’’   
I giggle nervously. Fiddle with the cords on my hoodie.   
‘’Let me guess. Even has asked you to bring him pancakes. And coffee. Usually he texts me from bed and demands feeding. Spoilt little brat.’’  
‘’Yup’’ I giggle again.   
‘’Do you want to make some coffee? I will load up a tray for you.’’

I can do that. I am right at home here now which is kind of weird. But nice. I know where everything is. I fish out some cups from the dishwasher. Find cutlery. Spoons. Petter is loading an obscene number of pancakes on a plate, then loading a tray with jam and a bottle of syrup. 

I am pouring coffee. Remembering to make 2 cups for Petter and Klara. I am getting the hang of this family living shit. I am the fucking master of family living. 

Well I can carry a tray. Not spill all the coffee as I walk. I am a bit crap at not spilling coffee. I still manage to get in bed under the covers with the tray on my lap and the coffee mugs safely on the side.   
Petter has given us one plate. Two forks. Which makes me feel all mushy inside. Like he knows that any more stuff would just be a waste. And this way it is really romantic too. Cute. 

I drizzle some syrup on a pancake. Roll it up into a tight cigar. Then I carefully uncover the beautiful boy hiding under the duvet. He is fast asleep again. I kiss his temple. Just nuzzle into him. Caress his lips with a rolled-up pancake. 

He bites my finger. He fucking bites it. Grabs the whole pancake and shoves it in his mouth. Laughing at me sucking my finger and trying to hit him. Not hard. Because he is Even. And Even is fucking cute. 

‘’Thank you. Thank you for bringing me breakfast.’’ I get a syrup covered kiss. Well quite a few.   
Then he feeds me pancakes. I feed him pancakes back. Lick jam off his chest. Because he is spilling it on purpose. Little fucker. 

The tray ends up on the floor. And Even gets up and locks his bedroom door. He is stark naked. Fully hard. Winking at me with a bottle of syrup in his hand. 

I don’t have to tell you the rest. We do laundry that afternoon. Two full loads of sticky sheets.


	26. Ett Bord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. Honestly. I apologize. A thousand times. I just had this brilliant idea of sending Isak and Even on an awkward date. Because Hey, this is What if? and here at What If? shit gets awkward. So I thought, where do we send them for their date? And well. Ett Bord. The least first-datey place in Oslo. It's a fantastic concept and an even better place to have a good night out if you are into food. (and I might have had a very rowdy night there myself. Ahem.) So, I am really sorry. You can imagine the rest. Well you don't have to. Because I wrote it. I am sorry. I am. Unskyld. *cries in Norwegian* *runs and hides*

Even

I have decided to take Isak out on a date. I mean we haven't had a proper date, in a restaurant or something. Not that I have ever been on a date myself but I think it would be nice. 

I have read about this restaurant nearby, that has all organic local produce and really good food. Well Mum and Dad have been, and swooned about it. So, I am taking him there. I have even booked. Dinner for two. 7 o clock. Which is freaking me out a bit. 

I have told Isak to get dressed, I mean he was on the sofa watching ‘’Eat like a Viking’’ with my mum whilst she was subtitling it. He is still in his underpants. He has basically been living in my house for a week and he has already morphed into my Dad. Down to the way he sits on the armchair with his feet up on the armrest. And the habit of just lounging around in his hoodie and underpants. Its adorable.

He is all showered and dressed now though, in jeans and a clean checked shirt all ready and on time for 6,45. Looking a little nervous. Asking if he should do something with his hair or just stick a cap on it. 

I tell him he is perfect. Because he is. He is perfection to me. With all his little quirks and, well I was going to say flaws, but I am still struggling to find them. Apart from that he farts in his sleep and steals the duvet. But hey. He loves me. 

We are still way early, so I make him walk painfully slow. Swinging our arms between us. Kicking gravel on the pavement. Doing lots of kissing. Because it’s a Saturday evening and everyone is happy. People are all chilled, walking to whatever they are going. I am thinking we should go to the theatre one night. Do some cultural stuff. I would like that. Just us. Being all grown up and adult.

He holds the door for me walking through the door to the restaurant. Which is called ‘’Ett bord’’. That is One Table. One. I curse under my breath. I didn’t think about that. Not only do they only have one table but we will have to sit with other people which isn’t quite what I had planned.  
‘’Hi, Good evening guys, welcome to Ett Bord.’’ That’s the waiter. Who then just stares at us like he has seen a ghost.

‘’Ehugh..’’ I start. But I am staring back. I can’t speak. It’s just fucking surreal. Because the waiter looks just like me. Just better hair. Less spots. Still. I just stand there with my mouth hanging open.

‘’Do you know each other?’’ Isak asks? He looks really confused. Watching us like he is watching tennis on TV. His head going back and forth. 

‘’I’m Henrik. Sorry. Shit man, you just look really familiar.’’ He reaches out and shakes my hand.   
I shake it back. Shaking my head. ‘’We could be twins. That’s spooky. I’m Even.’’  
‘’Even, and this is?’’ Henrik is looking at Isak. Who is looking at me. With his mouth hanging open. Still confused.   
‘’This is Isak, my partner. Boyfriend. Love of my life.’’ I am a fucking sap. And my filter is defunct. Now I am behaving like a twat, clinging to Isak and forgetting how to walk properly. 

Henrik is just laughing. Shaking Isak’s hand. Asking if we have a reservation and telling us to come with him.

‘’Take a seat guys, these people on your left are Swedish ladies here on a conference, their Norwegian is shit so you need to speak slowly.’’ The Swedish conference ladies all laugh, staring at Henrik like he is the king of Norway or something. ‘’The couple on your right are foodies from Bergen, and then these crazy people on the end are celebrating Helge here who is 75 today! Go Helge!!!’’ The crazy people are all lifting their glasses and toasting Helge, who I think has had too much wine already. He is all glassy eyed and grinning. Wiping his eyes on a napkin.  
‘’Last but not least guys this here is Even, who is my long-lost twin’’ Well now everyone is laughing. Cheering and lifting their glasses. ‘’And this is his partner Isak. These two are on a date, so we need to look after them OK?’’ Everyone nods. Cheers. Someone shouting out that Henrik needs to get a move on and bring us some drinks so we can all toast. 

Isak is grinning, fidgeting in his seat. Looking at me and laughing softly. 

I have no idea what I am doing. I was kind of thinking we would have a romantic table for two and just sit and stare into each other’s eyes and swoon over rainbow trout or something. Instead we have been thrown into this rowdy mess of strangers. 

Isak is already talking to one of the Swedish ladies about school, in the slowest Norwegian ever. The lady is just smiling at him telling the others that he is the cutest little thing ever and that she needs to find a Norwegian boyfriend to talk dirty to her. They all scream with laughter. Then someone is shouting that Helge might be 75, but he is single and willing to offer his services. 

Now I feel like I am watching Tennis on TV. Just trying to follow the conversation and keep myself sane. Holding on to Isak’s hand under the table and hyperventilating.  
‘’Do you want Red or white Even?’’ Henrik is filling up our glasses with water. Placing wine glasses and cutlery in front of us.  
‘’Isak? Red or white?’’ I whisper. I am such a fuck up. I have no idea.  
‘’Help?’’ I mouth at Henrik. Who just laughs at me. ‘’I can’t look at you man, its super scary. My mum is in the back, I am going to get her out here shortly and introduce you. She is going to have a fit. I’m pretty sure I don’t have a long-lost twin. I mean there are pictures of me being born. ‘’ He is shaking his head.  
‘’I am quite sure Mum only had one of me too.’’ I laugh, ‘’and anyway then one of us would have had to have been adopted.’’  
‘’Tell you what Even’’ Henrik says ‘’You meet my parents, and I will meet yours and we can decide who we like best.’’ He is laughing. I am laughing. And then he pours us two glasses of red wine.

We toast. Drink. It’s gorgeous. I love red wine anyway, but this is nice. The fact that this is quite cosy, and that Isak looks happy. He is chatting to some bloke across the table who is a teacher at Bakka, and is asking all kinds of things about Nissen. Isak is all loud and animated, trying to get himself heard across the rowdiness, which makes me feel all proud. He is somehow glowing. Looking all grown up. Being all polite and charming. Smiling at me and squeezing my leg under the table.

The menu is just up my street too. Henrik comes back and talks us through it. We are starting with freshly baked bread sticks with a caviar cream dip. Which Isak scrunches his nose at until Henrik whacks him on the head and tells him to try it and if he doesn’t like it he will eat his apron or something.  
Then the whole table is getting involved over the trout with samphire and locally grown leeks and sautéed potatoes, arguing over how to debone a whole fish and weather Samphire is the ridiculous new one hit wonder of the culinary world. I mean this is nothing like a date. This is some ones fucked up idea of a dinner party that we have kind of invited ourselves to. By mistake.

Henrik comes and gets us and tells us to follow him. He is looking all excited, bubbling with pent up laughter.  
‘’I’m going to introduce you to my mum. ‘’ He giggles.  
‘’Fix your fringe’’ I say. Pointing at a slick of hair falling over his forehead. ‘’So, we look the same’’.

We both look at our reflections in the glass by the kitchen. Making sure our hair is the same. Laughing.   
Isak gets his phone out and takes a photo. I mean it’s uncanny. We are twins. At least brothers. I wonder if we are related. We must be. Two wide smiles and crinkly eyes and crazy hair looking into the camera. We both look quite hysterical. Well Henrik is bouncing on his heels. Calling his mum. Wrapping his arm around my shoulders and just waiting.   
‘’I seriously think this is the craziest night of my life so far’’ Isak whispers in my ear.  
‘’Tell me about it’’ Henrik says. ''My mum is going to freak''.  
I just grin. I don’t know what the hell is going on but I can tell you one thing, my life is not dull and boring anymore. It’s nowhere near dull and boring. 

Henrik’s mum does freak. In the most adorable way. She kind of half laughing half crying, and keeps asking if she is on candid camera. Touching my face like she is trying to establish if I am real or just an illusion. Isak bless him, is filming it all on his phone, whilst Henrik is pissing himself laughing. I mean it’s ridiculous. Hysterical. My stomach is hurting from all this laughing. 

Then we have to go back to the table and eat, because the chef is having a hippy-fit over our starters going cold at the table. And Henrik’s mum keeps rattling of names of her relatives trying to figure out where we are related. Because we must be. Somehow. There just can’t be two random Henrik’s that look the same in Oslo. I keep having to remind her that my name is not Henrik. Which makes Henrik explode into hysterics. He drops a bottle of wine. Making the whole table cheer. 

Isak hasn’t said a thing since we got back to the table, which is strange until I realize that he is about to have an orgasm from the caviar cream dip. I nudge Henrik as he passes, and tell him that I think his apron is safe. Which makes Isak blush. I mean he is adorable. And I kiss him on the cheek, because I am a little bit tipsy after a glass of red, and he is just too handsome. Strangely we are both smiling. Looking like total idiots as the rainbow trout lands in front of us. I mean the whole table goes quiet. Apart from the ohh’s and ahhh’s and Henrik making all the Swedish ladies squeal as he compliments them on their improved Norwegian. 

I don’t know how Henrik gets away with it, but he is taking the piss out of everyone, and they are loving him. Lapping up every word and staring at him like he is some kind of superstar. I decide I like him. He is like the cool brother. And I am the nerdy geek one. Which is fine. I am fine with that. Because Isak is feeding me a forkful of rainbow trout and mouthing that this is the ‘’best date ever’’. I can only agree. 

Helge has fallen asleep at the table by the time desert is getting served, and Henrik tells us to come and have dessert with him over by the kitchen so we can talk. Well dessert is just not any dessert. The chef has this long rambling speech that he gives us explaining the textures of the honeycomb biscuit that marries with the slight sour sweetness of the blackcurrant sorbet, along with the cream that has been infused with white chocolate over the woodland herbs that he has picked in his back garden this morning. I mean, by the time he is finished. I am drooling. Isak’s mouth is open. Staring at his plate like he wants to marry it. 

‘’Fuck me this is good’’ he says. Just quietly. Making Henrik shout to the chef that Isak is having sex with the dessert. I mean. He is right. It is sinfully orgasmic. Heaven on a plate. I can’t speak. I just chew and watch Isak and wonder if I will be able to walk home or if we will need to call a taxi. Death by dinner. I am full up. A little bit tipsy. Happy. Giggly. Hooking my legs with Isak’s under the table and spilling cream on my shirt. Not just any cream. Fucking white chocolate infused cream. Which is so posh and wonderful that I think it might have ruined all other creams for me. Like forever.

We somehow end up being the last people in the restaurant, just sitting at the little table by the kitchen, chatting about ourselves and swapping phone numbers and following each other on social media. Henrik turns out to do a bit of acting, and he has apparently been on this TV show on NRK that I haven’t even heard of. Which is a bit embarrassing, but then Isak hasn’t watched it either which makes Henrik mock us like we have been living under a rock for the last year. Well I only watch stuff that needs subtitles, and then I make him promise to come and have coffee at KB, and then we talk about uni and parents and life and laugh whilst we polish off another bottle of red. I don’t even care anymore. I am drunk. Handing Henrik my credit card whilst Isak is insisting that he wants to pay. Henrik just gives me a hug. Puts my credit card back in my shirt pocket.  
‘’It’s on me brother. I mean how could I charge my long-lost twin for dinner? Come on.’’

I hug him back. We have made plans. We are bringing all our parents here next Sunday for the weirdest family Sunday lunch ever. Because Henrik has this weird family set up of step-siblings and cousins and bonus Mums and his Dad's twin and his husband that we just have to meet, because apparently, they would just find us adorable and adopt us there and then, and then my family, well we are just us, and we have all decided in our wine infused happiness that we should all meet. Including Isak’s Dad. Who Henrik’s mum says we need to set up with Henrik’s stepdads sister who plays football and is addicted to running marathons. Isak has basically married them off already. Slurring slightly as he speaks. Massive grin on his face.

I don’t remember how we get home. Just that Isak is lying on my chest and telling me that he loves me more than blackcurrant sorbet. Whilst I am rambling on about having drunk too much red wine. Having a twin brother. And trying to remember the name of the show that Henrik said he was in. Neither of us can. Which makes us laugh. Because we are useless. And Isak says that the room is spinning. I kind of agree, I think. So, we fall asleep. And that is that.


	27. He is mine, and I am his.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are almost there guys. I am wrapping this up. But don't despair, I am sure that this story will have at least 20 ridiculous epilogues, every one more insane than the other. Trust me.

EVEN  
I need to have sex. I am so horny that I feel like I am about to explode. I am just a little bit grumpy as well. We haven’t had sex for 4 days. Not that it is Isak’s fault in any way, we have just been stupidly busy for the last week. I don’t even know what I did with my time before I met Isak. I have zero time now. For anything. Not even sex. 

I am sitting in the little staff room at work sorting out Isak’s English essay, which he to be honest has written all by himself, but it is full of little errors and spelling mistakes and he was ready to cry last night trying to finish it. I just closed the lid on his laptop and put him to bed. Promised him that I would have it all sorted and emailed to him by 2 o clock. I have 20 minutes. I am not panicking. I am not. He will have it on time. Even if it means my lunch goes cold.

I had planned to at least give him a blowjob last night but he was snoring into the pillow when I came back from brushing my teeth so that all went to hell. God this adulting shit is killing us both. How do people do it?

We haven’t even been to Isak’s place this week, having had dinner with his Dad again, this time without the burnt food and takeaway pizza. He actually pulled of a pretty decent curry, complete with rice, that was not out of a microwave packet. Isak was pretty impressed. Terje is going on a date with that Helene we met on Sunday and is shitting himself. Properly. She is a very pretty relative of Henrik’s, and she texts him constantly which makes him blush everytime his phone pings. I have backed off with the dating agency for now. He looked happy. Isak is happy. I am happy. My mum is fuming, well not really but she had written a really good dating resume for Terje and is hopping mad that she is not allowed to submit it. 

Then we have both worked every day at the coffee shop, as Caroline had the flu, and Mum and Dad took us out for dinner, and then, well the rest of the time we are too tired to do anything but eat and sleep and kiss. Isak climbs me like a tree every time he sees me, so I know he is just as desperate as me. There is also the fact that I have we had our letters back from the clinic, and we are both in the clear. Fit and healthy. No more condoms. I am even thinking If it’s quiet I might have to drag him into the toilets here and fuck him against the sink. I am getting desperate. Desperate.

By the time Isak comes in and ducks under the counter the coffeeshop is full again. It could be the weather, sunny and warm, bringing out the pale winter faces into the sun. Sunglasses and ice coffee and bottles of water. The tables outside are constantly full of empty cups and I am trying to keep up with serving whilst Niels is running around muttering swearwords and cursing the damn sun. Well Isak makes everything better. He always does. Coming out of the back in his apron, with his little name tag I made him, saying ISAK in cool graffiti style writing. Two red hearts either side. 

Isak is the coolest person I know. Hands down. Just the way he high fives Niels who disappears in the back to get changed. Then he grabs the milk rag and wipes down the nozzle on the steamer, whilst his leg is kicking the chiller open to grab a fresh bag of milk. And he still manages to give me a kiss, right in front of Mrs Wilhelmsen, who comes in every day for her cup of Earl grey. She loves Isak. Loves him. Smiles and coo’s and asks him how school is and tells him that he looks like her late husband. Isak takes it so well. He doesn’t even blush anymore. Just tells Mrs Wilhelmsen that she was a lucky lady with a husband that handsome. God, I love him. Not Mrs Wilhelmsen’s Husband, no Isak. I love Isak. I can’t believe how much he has changed. How his confidence has grown. How effortlessly gorgeously handsome and wonderful my darling boyfriend is. I don’t know how I even lived my life without him. Mine. My Isak.

I grab him when he leans over to ask for more cups from behind me. Hold him tight against me and whisper that I might need to fuck him in the staff toilets before we leave. I don’t think I can make it home. I am so horny I almost come in my pants when he starts to breathe against my neck. Hard and fast. Grinding himself against my hip. Then he spends the next 20 minutes standing flush against the coffee machine getting orders messed up and not making any sense with a lovely pink blush on his cheeks. Glaring at me and mouthing ‘’Fuck you’’ at me every time we pass. Winking. Being adorable. 

I don’t though. I don’t get to fuck him in the toilet before we leave. Because Isak locks up the door after the last customer, giving her a cheery wave, then he drags me in the back and pushes me down on a chair. Whips his apron off and tells me to get my cock out. Apparently, it’s an order. And I do as I am told. I do. Get my jeans open and pull them down so fast that I almost tip the chair over. Panting fast as he kneels between my knees, and starts kissing my balls, ignoring my swollen cock that just jerks and waves and begs for attention. 

I have no shame. I fist his curls. Beg. Whimper. Promise him the world if he just sucks me. Tells him to just do it. Just let me come. Please, baby. Please.  
When he finally does it, engulfs my length with his menace of a mouth, taking me all the way to the back of his throat in one surprise sweep, I roar. I groan. Shout his name. Then I explode all over his tongue. Over and Over. Whilst he swallows and licks and whimpers and moans around me. 

I am dead. RIP me. Slumped against the back of the chair with my legs curled up around him, whilst his head is resting on my knee and my hands are casually twisting his locks between my fingers.  
‘’Come on Evy’’, he laughs.’’ Take me home. Let’s go home and fuck. All evening. Just you and me. OK?’’  
I don’t reply. I just lean over and kiss him. My darling boy. Then we grab our stuff and leave.  
It’s not until we are on the tram that I realize that my fly is still undone.

ISAK

There is a neat little pile of mail in front of my door, with a note from Eskild saying he hopes that I am not lying dead in there since nobody has seen me for days. I send him a text back saying that Even the axe-murderer finally got me. To let me know when my rotting corpse starts to smell.

No, I tell him that I am fine, just busy. I am really busy. Even is pushing me in front of him kicking the door shut behind us. Nibbling at my neck and trying to get my bag off my back, and tugging at my clothes. Whispering that he needs me naked. Now. Like right now. 

‘’What is the rush baby? ‘’ I pant. Whilst I am pulling down his jeans without unbuckling the belt and kicking my shoes off. Stumbling on each other’s feet. Pulling his hair so I can get his mouth on mine. Kissing the life out of him. God, he is impossible. He is so sexy when he is desperate, hands everywhere, clothes flying across the room. His bag being tipped out on the bed again, pens and paper and phone and buss pass and yup. Several bottles of Lube. Even is brilliant. Always prepared.

He is licking my shoulders. Sucking my skin. Hands on my arse. Doing the Sex-Monkey thing, that thing we both do when we are all over each other. A little too desperately. So, I start to tickle him. Just under his ribs where I know he just can’t stand it. It works, it always does, he just folds in on himself and pushes me away and squeals. Swats his hands at me as I jump on top of him on the bed and tickle him like my life depends on it. 

I just don’t want this to be over in a few minutes, I want to savour him. Enjoy having him here, naked, all mine, for me to play with and enjoy and love. My own private little playground of sex love and kisses. Lots of kisses. I am so spoiled with kisses.

‘’Evy. When did you first know that you loved me?’’ I almost blush. I don’t know where that came from. But I like that I asked. I kind of want to know.

He stills, then rolls over with me in his embrace so we fall on our sides. Nose to nose. Chest tight against chest. My toes playing with is. Our cocks tangling in half-hearted confusion.

‘’I think the second time I noticed you come in to the shop. You blushed when I looked at you. I thought you were beautiful, the prettiest boy I had ever seen. Shy and a little awkward. You dropped your change when I gave it to you, and I just wanted to jump over the counter and hug you. I think I had a crush on you ever since. I used to write your name on a cup and then hide it in the bottom of the bin. Just so I could look at it. Pretend you were mine. That I was waiting for you to come in to see me. I was so gone for you.’’ He looks down. Kisses me. Buries his face in my hair. 

‘’ I thought you were the coolest guy, that you were the kind of guy who went to clubs with his clique of cool friends every weekend. Drank posh beer. Blonde girlfriend. All that shit. You know. ‘’  
He laughs softly in my hair. ‘’I’ve never been to a night club. Not quite my thing. You must have been so disappointed when you figured out I was a complete book nerd who still lived with his parents.’’  
‘’No. Never. You are perfect. Perfect for me. I don’t want you to change, ever. You are the smartest person I know, you know everything. I love that you help me with school. I love your parents, hell, I want to live with your parents. I know I do most of the time, but I love it. It’s home. In a strange way.’’  
‘’It is your home. And after summer when we know about Uni and where we will be, we will get a student flat. You and me. If you want to. If you think you could stand living with me all the time.’’ Even is blushing a little. I can tell. Wondering if its too much, if he has said too much.  
‘’I don’t ever want not to live with you Evy. I kind of want to give up this room so I can save money for our student flat. I mean I could move my stuff to my Dad’s place and kind of live there. But I don’t think your parents would want me living in your room all the time, would they?’’  
‘’Mum wants to adopt you. She told me. I said that might be a bit weird when we want to get married. She kind of agreed with that. Besides, I think Terje might argue the adoption case.’’ He is giggling. Kissing the tip of my nose. ‘’ Mum and Dad would love to have you live with us. It just means we have to figure out how to be quiet when we fuck’’

Now it’s me who is blushing. Smiling as he flicks his tongue across my lips. Closes his eyes and kisses me, whilst he rolls on top of me and pushes my arms into the mattress. Grinds his hips against mine, making my dick wake up. My skin prickling with lust. Cock bouncing against his leg. My tongue deep in his mouth, fighting for space with his, whilst we both moan between our giggles and kisses. 

‘’How do you want me?’’ he whispers into my mouth. ‘’Can I fuck you like this? So I can see you?’’  
I don’t even answer. Just wrap my legs tight around his waist whist his hands fumble across the bed for the lube and his mouth bruises my lips, hard and heavy, soft stubble grazing my skin. 

There is a trail of wet kisses down my stomach, lubed up fingers roaming my arse and a hot mouth blowing on my cock, licking. Tasting me like I am gourmet food, whilst my fingers are trying to hold onto his hair, the only part of him that I can reach, apart from his hand that comes up and tangles with mine. I love that he holds my hand whilst his mouth is making me shiver. Blowing and licking my entrance, hot and cold. Soft slippery fingers moving in and out, whilst my hips start to ache with the effort of holding my legs up in the air. I let go of his hand. Grab both legs so he can reach all of me. See every part of me. I have no shame. I need him on me. In me. All over me. Just him. Bare.

We don’t need condoms. There will be nothing between us. Just him and Me. Even and Isak. Evy and Issy. Us.

‘’Are you ready? Are you OK?’’ He shouldn’t have to ask. My moaning and whimpering and the fact that I am shamelessly lifting my hips as he puts a pillow under my arse should tell him everything.

‘’I need you’’ I whimper.  
‘’I need you too’’ he whispers as he lines his cock up. Takes a few deep breaths. Presses softly against my arse. His chest flushed and cheeks tinted pink. Eyes dark. Lips wet. God, he is beautiful.

It’s nothing like the feel of a condom. Warm. Soft. Filling me up and making me pant. Wince a little. He is huge. Massive. Hard. 

‘’Fuck Isak. Fuck. Oh Fuck. I am not going to last. I love you. Love this. So fucking tight. Oh Isak’’ He is rambling. Spilling words and moans and shaking a little. Leaning down over me as he bottoms out. Searching for my lips and my arms and my warmth. 

We just lie there. Clinging to each other. Lazy kisses and heady moans until I start to move underneath him, urging him to fuck me. Because I need it. Its good. It’s soooooo good. 

His hips start to move. In and out. Strong movements, making my body sing. Over and over. My cock getting friction from his stomach, rolling over my skin. 

We kiss again, desperate and hard, until he leans up. Grabs my thighs and starts to go for it. Fucking me like he means it. Hard and fast and rough into the mattress, making the bed creak against the floor, and the mattress bounce against the wall. He is hitting that sweet spot inside me with every shunt of his hips, making my cock leak from my hand pumping it. Fingers flying over skin. His hair falling over his eyes with every thrust. Crazy sounds coming out of my mouth. Lots of ‘’Fucks’’ coming out of his. Like always. 

I close my eyes when I start to come. I can’t help it. I want to see him, I want to watch him fall apart but I can’t. I can’t control it. I am flying. Drifting into the black. Twinkles of stars under my eyelids. My body spasming and jerking and shooting over my fingers. I can feel it landing on my chest. Little splashes of fire against my skin.

Even falls on top of me when he comes. He can’t even hold himself up, his arms shaking against my shoulders as he shouts my name into my chest. Huddling against my skin and shivering. Laughing and crying and slobbering all at the same time. Fingers pulling my hair. My lips on his head. My arms trying to hold him still and my legs gripping over his hips. 

We are a mess. Impossibly tangled up in each other. We have wrecked the bed. We have wrecked each other. 

‘’You are amazing’’ He pants, trying to catch his breath. Trying to find a spot on my chest that is not covered in my come or his drool. Laughing and kissing my skin. Delirious. Tired. Exhausted. 

‘’Promise me that you will always be mine, that you will never leave me, that I will always have you.’’ 

I am a sap. I am desperate. I love him more than my brain can comprehend. He is in me. In every sense of the word. I am not me anymore. I am so much more than me. I have him. God, I have him. 

‘’Never Issy. I will always be yours. You have ruined me for anyone else. I would never want anyone else. How could I? When I get to have you? The most beautiful boy in the world? Baby I love you. I love you I love you.’’

He is rambling. Still kissing me. Kissing my lips that are swollen and bruised and stinging with every touch. 

I just hold him tighter. He is mine. And I am his.


	28. 6 years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love, comments and kudos, and for reading What if? I wouldn't write if it wasnt for all the feedback I get from you all, with comments kudos and tweets.
> 
> This is not the end. i am sure i will come back and add little epilogues as they kick off in my head. 
> 
> I have absolutly loved this story, and thank you so much for everyone who has been along for the ride. This Even and This Isak are my darling babies. I am thrilled that so many of you fell in love with them too.
> 
> All the love, Always  
> S x

6 Years later

ISAK

‘’EEEVVYYYYYY!!!!’’ That’s me. Shouting for my husband to come and rescue me. Because I cannot deal with a 3-year-old on my own, who I am supposed to be parenting and supervising whilst she puts her shoes on. I am her father after all. I should be able to cope. It’s just that Evy is so much better at this parenting thing. 

I have a degree in reproductive medicine, and a responsible job at a prestigious clinic. I still can’t get Bella to put her shoes on. Even if I sit on the floor with her and make Bunny Bun Buns hop around and help her, doing the bunny hop rap thing and talking in a silly voice. Whoever thought that I would make a good father was seriously deranged. Well the judge at the Oslo Family court has not only let us adopt one, but since yesterday we are fathers of two. Two little girls. What were they thinking? I am not an adult. I am not. Whoever told me I was a grown up is lying. LYING. ‘’EEEEVYYYYYY!!!!!’’

I might have shouted that a little loud, because now Bella is scrunching her face up into a rosy red angry scowl, and there are little tears forming in the corners of her eyes and her mouth has gone all tight and she is looking at me like I am a monster and I just break. 

‘’Oh, baby darling, Pappa didn’t mean to shout, I wasn’t shouting at you baby, Pappa loves you so much Bells, come here baby’’ Now I feel like a monster. I shouldn’t be shouting at her, she is just little and she is mine and so precious and I love her so much. She has her little chubby arms around my neck as I rock her in my arms. Smelling her and kissing her hair and marvelling again how fucking lucky we have been. That she is ours. Our daughter.

And now she has me right where she wants me to be. All mushy and in love with her and feeling guilty about shouting, and that is when she decides that she is not wearing the brand new white shoes with little flowers on that I spent an obscene amount of money on, just because Helene said that they would match her dress beautifully. Those are the shoes she is wearing, that was the deal. Yet now Bella has decided on Converse. One blue and one pink. Because Pappa Evy lets her choose her shoes and she loves her Converse that Evy has bought her in every colour under the sun, and she can’t decide whether she wants pink or blue today so she is going to wear both. Then she tells me Farmor Helene said it was OK, and that Farfar Terje said it was OK and that Pappa Evy says she can wear any shoes she likes because she is a pretty princess. She is. 

‘’EEEEEVYYYYYY’’’ That’s me again. 

He is stomping down the stairs with the changing bag slung over his shoulder. Bulging with nappies and clothes and dummies and wipes and all the other stuff that you apparently must carry around with a new-born. We didn’t do the new-born thing with Bella, she became ours when she had just turned two and had spent most of her life in foster care. She was tiny and scrawny and screamed like a banshee the first time I tried to pick her up, but we fell in love with her at first sight. Our darling girl. Our Bella. Or Hells-bells. That’s what we call her, a lot.

We took all the parenting classes we could find, read books, reports, followed blogs on adoption, attended seminars and groups. Joined Facebook discussion groups. I even set up an account on Mumsnet. Still nothing prepared us for Bella. And our life has never been the same. 

‘’Oh Bell Bell, what is the matter now sweetie.’’ That is Evy speaking to Bella in his ‘’Pappa Evy Loves you voice’’. ‘’Why isn’t she wearing her shoes Issy?’’ That is Evy speaking to me in his ‘’Why are we such crap parents voice’’. We use that voice a lot. Usually at bedtime when we are both tired and weary and a little bit horny and then remember that we have a 3-year-old that sleep in our bed. A 3-year-old that has her own room with a perfectly good bed with pink ballerina bedding. The only person who ever sleeps in that bed is Henrik, when his girlfriend has told him not to bother coming home because he is too pissed on a night out. He usually ends up here, in Bella’s toddler bed with his legs hanging off the end snoring into her collection of teddies. 

Bloody Henrik. Don’t get me wrong. I love Henrik to bits. Funniest bloke in the world. Evy and Henrik have adopted each other. They even had official certificates printed and framed that they gave each other for Christmas, stating that they are now twin brothers, with a made-up birthdate and that’s that. They are hopeless those two. 

Well I had to deal with the aftermath of last weekend when Henrik agreed that Bella could call him Pappa Henrik. Which she proudly told everyone at nursery the next day, that she now had 3 Pappa’s and she was the luckiest girl in the world. Well then Bella’s keyworker took me aside at pickup and asked if there had been any changes in Bella’s family setup. Which completely threw me. She had gone a little bit red and asked if we had introduced a third father in our relationship, as Bella had mentioned this, and that they were very openminded about all family situations, they just wanted to make sure that Bella’s family tree on the wall was updated correctly. So, she could be proud of her family, and have all her significant adults in the photo. I had blushed, and stuttered that I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about and who had Bella said was her third Pappa? Bloody Henrik. I didn’t shout at him on the phone on the way home. I didn’t. well maybe just a little. A few choice words. It was quite hilarious. Really. Once I had calmed down. 

Evy carefully hands me baby Tilde. Mathilde Bech Valtersen. Our second daughter as of yesterday.  
I can’t believe they gave her to us. That we got her too. 

We have an open adoption with Bella. Her mother had to give her up when she was a few months old as her mental health issues meant that she just couldn’t cope. Even with support Bella was just too much for her. Bella has a mother. A lovely young woman with beautiful eyes who clearly adores her girl on a good day. On a bad day, and we have seen many of those over the last year, Katharina is not even there. Lost in her head full of demons and worries. Her second pregnancy just made things worse as she refused to take her medication and had to be moved to a secure unit. Our social workers told us she was pregnant again, and had casually asked if we would be interested in talking about adopting the new baby once it was born. Katharina had insisted. Insisted that Bella and the baby should be kept together. With us. Which had made us both cry in the car on the way home, Bella fast asleep in her car seat and us sobbing like babies in the front. Wondering how on earth we would cope with two of them, with two little Bella’s clinging to us through the night, getting chicken pox and refusing to eat anything that looked remotely green. 

I still don’t know how we are going to cope, but Evy leans over and kisses me, and everything in my life just aligns. He is magic like that. Still after all these years he kisses me and I just fall apart. Melt in his arms. Lost in him. He is still the most beautiful man in the world. Even though he has a few little grey hairs peppering his blond locks, and he is not quite as skinny as he was at 19. Which could be my fault. I have learnt to cook. And Dad and I did an evening class in the art of French patisserie last year which wasn’t good for anyone’s waistlines.

I have a four-week-old baby girl in my arms, looking up at her Pappa’s. letting her little mouth form a perfect miniature yawn as she settles in my arms. Evy’s forehead against mine. His lips kissing her tiny fingers. Then kissing My lips. All whilst Bella climbs his back like it’s a playground and holds onto his ears and shouts ‘’Horsey Pappa! Horsey! Giddy Up Pappa Evy!!!’’

‘’Can you believe she is ours? That we have two of these little monkeys Isak?’’  
‘’Do they realize we are still 19 or something? That we never grew up? Do they realize how spectacularly bad we are at this adulting thing?’’  
‘’Do you realize how incredibly late we are?’’ He doesn’t sound worried. We have completely given up on the whole ‘’being on time’’ concept. We are never on time for anything. Weather it is nursery or work or appointments with the social workers or the bus. We are late. Always. 

‘’Dad will have a fit if we miss the service’’ I sigh. Then I try to stand up, holding a baby in my arms, and having a little panic about dropping her whilst Evy catches his breath and steadies us like he thinks I am going to drop her. Like I would.

‘’Pappa Evy, can I sit in the front again?’’ That’s Bella. And Evy is tying up her shoelaces. On her pink and blue mismatched converse. Then he puts her white little pumps in the changing bag and looks at me. Shrugging his shoulders. Mouthing ‘’We must pick our battles. Sorry. I will be strict Pappa tomorrow. Do all the discipline and routine shit. Bring her up to be a respectable member of society.’’ I just kiss him. Shake my head. Kiss him again. Then I spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to strap Tilde in the baby seat, and then get the baby seat attached to the car without her sliding out of the seat. 

‘’EEEEVYYYYYY!’’ That’s me again. I think I might have broken the car seat. Or the car. I give up. 

EVEN

We arrive just as the vicar starts to speak, making everyone turn around to see who the latecomers are that are trudging a sleeping baby in a car seat, a ridiculously big changing bag and a 3-year-old princess in mismatched converse eating a chocolate bar in a white dress, through the door. Yup That is us. The Bech Valtersen’s have arrived, and there will be no peace and quiet ever again. Well I tell a lie, because Tilde is a sleep, and Bella sits on my lap and plays on my phone whilst Isak takes his place next to Terje at the front so that the Vicar can begin. Isak is about to become a godfather. To his little Brother Axel. Who is 6 weeks old and is the uncle of Bella and Tilde. Which is so hilariously modern that I adore the whole idea of it. We are slowly building a little family. Our own little tribe.

Helene and Terje got married a year after us, and I still can’t believe we beat them to it. Issy and I just did the city hall thing. Mum and Dad, Terje and Helene. And Henrik and Jonas, the worst best men in history. They were still a little drunk from the night before, and dropped the rings so many times that even the Lady that was trying to marry us was rolling her eyes. We got there in the end. Rings on our fingers. Kisses. Confetti and champagne and an epic wedding lunch at Ett Bord. Complete with blackcurrant sorbet. That was Isak’s only request. 

Terje took Helene to Las Vegas and got married in the Chapel O love by someone dressed as Elvis and a Britney Spears lookalike playing the piano. Then they flew to New York and ran the New York Marathon the next day. Bloody lunatics. Well, it made them happy. They are very happy. 

I get all emotional when Isak holds his baby brother. Cradling him and whispering something in his ear. I can almost hear what he is saying. That he will always be loved. Always be protected. Always be his little brother. It’s what he tells Bella at night when she is asleep between us, curled up with her arms underneath her and her hair framing her face on the pillow like a little golden halo of curls. He always whispers that he loves her. That we love her. That she will never be alone, we will always be there for her, whatever happens. She is ours. Our little girl. 

And now we have Tilde, who is just a breeze to be honest. She takes her bottle during the little party after the christening, then burps and falls asleep again against my chest. So, I sit there and snuggle her whilst Isak does wild crazy dancing with Bella over by the finger buffet. Without a care in the world and not even stopping to think that anyone would care. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks anymore. He is quietly confident. Hysterically funny. Incredibly kind. Wise. And a great shag. Always. 

For once Bella stays asleep when we carry her inside the house. Our house. A ram shackled 3 bed little house that still needs a coat of paint and someone to give the garden the love it deserves, but it’s ours and it’s perfect. Just off the river up in Sagene, with a nursery next door and the bus runs around the corner. It’s lovely. Peaceful, well sometimes its peaceful. It is peaceful tonight as Isak is quietly changing Bella into her pyjamas and fastening a nappy around her waist. Trying to brush her teeth without waking her, as I walk up and down the hallway trying to coax a burp out of Tilde. She is fast asleep. Drooling a little milk on the shoulder of my shirt. Snuffling in her sleep.

‘’Does she need to burp after every feed? Do you remember what it said in the book? ‘’ I am worrying again. Thinking that Tilde is absolutely fine. If she wanted to burp, she would have burped and I am just ridiculous trying to wake her up to burp. When she probably burped already and I missed it. 

‘’Just put her down Evy. She is fast asleep.’’ Isak leans over my shoulder and kisses her head. Takes her little body from my shoulder and tucks her up in the round posh mini cot that I bought. I just loved it. Clean lines and beautiful wood. Pink sheets and a tiny blanket to cover her in. On my side of the bed. It has wheels, and as we are both now on Paternity leave, we will take turns in the night. Roll it around the bed to whoever is on baby duty. That is the plan. It is not going to last. I promise you. I told you we are not quite adults. 

I shuffle out in the hallway letting my clothes drop to the floor along the way. Just stepping out of my pants and flicking my socks off. Throwing them over my shoulder. Gratefully accepting the bottle of beer that Isak hands me in the kitchen.

‘’So, we have two sleeping girls in the bedroom and I have drawn the curtains in the lounge.’’  
Isak winks at me. Takes a swig of his beer.  
‘’Oh, are you suggesting anything other than watching the news Mr Bech Valtersen?’’  
‘’I don’t know, Mr Bech Valtersen, what do you have in mind?’’ I am pressing my chest against his. Pinning him against the fridge, making Bella’s drawings crinkle behind his back.  
‘’Do we even own a bottle of lube anymore?’’ he whispers against my cheek. Placing little dirty kisses on my lips. Grinding his hips against the freezer door.  
‘’Bought some the other day. There is one hidden behind the TV.’’  
‘’Sneaky’’ His tongue is flicking against my lips. My tongue is down his throat.  
‘’Do you think you can be quiet this time baby? Do you think you can keep it down whilst I eat you ass out on the sofa this time? Not wake Bells up?’’ God, he is a tease.  
‘’Oh, are you offering?’’ I wiggle my hips. Wrap my arms around his waist. Kiss him again. Hard. Just a little bit desperate. It’s not often we get to do this. Just get silly. Hard. Horny.  
He takes my hand and leads me into the lounge. Closes the door behind us, placing the baby monitor on top of the TV, as I fall on my knees and slide his cock into my mouth.  
‘’I love you Evy’’ He whispers.  
I would say it back, but I know he knows. I know he knows that I love him. More than anything else in the world.  
So, I just suck his cock instead.


	29. 6.5 years later. Ish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Told you there would be more ridiculous epilogues. Evak is the gift that keeps on giving. And delivering. 
> 
> This is for EVAKKK. Who writes the most epic comments and needs more Fathers!Evak, Married!Evak and Horny-as-fuck-Evak. All in one neat little chapter. Enjoy.

6.5 Years later.  
ISAK.

Even has left me. He has left me alone with the girls. 

It’s only for two nights but I was dreading it to the point that I was crying a little when he left, and then I have gone all over-emotional at bed time. Bella is asleep in our bed, spread out like a starfish in her mismatched pyjamas, holding Bunny Bun Buns in a death grip and blowing bubbles in her sleep. Tilde on the other hand loves her cot, and is curled up the wrong way around with her dummy. In the cot, which is still on Even’s side of the bed. It has never moved. 

Well I still help, I am not a completely crap daddy and husband. Even just does the feeds whilst I am awake. Well half awake, for emotional support. I kind of stroke his back and cuddle up to him and tell him that I love him. That I love him a lot. Then I let him sleep in the morning whilst I sort the girls and bring him breakfast in bed and take Bella to nursery whilst he sleeps. He needs his sleep.

Anyway, here I am, alone and scared and sad. Even is only away for one more night and I have already fallen apart. 

He tries to travel as little as possible, but he has gotten quite a reputation as photographic wiz, and he does a bit of filming on the side, and since he gave up working for other people and went freelance, things have gone a bit crazy. Like this job, he has gone to Sweden to shoot cheese for some kick ass commercial. Cheese. Which apparently is a specialist job where you must make sure the texture is captured right so the cheese doesn’t look sweaty and slimy. They are both filming and doing stills and someone pulled out and Evy’s name was mentioned and there we go. Off he went. It’s good money. Brilliant money. Yet it’s shit for me. 

Not that I can’t cope with the girls. I ace at this Daddy thing. Bella ate all her dinner. I am not going to tell Even that we had McDonalds. I am not. Well Bella will tell him anyway because her and Even are always in cahoots and she always tells on me. She is a right little shit. I love her so much it’s crazy. I am also not telling Even that I let her stay up late so I wouldn’t be alone. And that we watched Moana, and that I cried again at that part in the middle, with the boats. Fucking Disney crap. 

Then Even face-timed me and started talking dirty to me until I was blushing and squirming and had to hang up on him so I could run and wank in the toilet. Then he rang me back and laughed at me, all red-faced and flushed and happy and so obviously freshly wanked off as well. He is the worst. THE WORST. Luckily Bella was still happily watching Moana. Not paying any attention to her clearly deranged fathers. I was only gone for a minute, or two. And Tilde was asleep. They were all safe. I blame Even anyway. He made me do it. His fault. 

I text him and tell him that we are all in bed. That the house is empty and quiet and I miss him so much that I want to cry. He tells me he that my text has made him cry. That he will be back tomorrow and then he is not leaving me again. Like ever. I laugh. I know he will have to. It’s work, and Even loves what he does, and he is fantastic. Brilliantly talented. Successful.

I mean he has over 500K followers on Insta. Which might be due to Henrik in a tiny little roundabout way. Since Henrik posts loads of pics of the two of them and tags him and tells everyone that he has this brilliant twin brother. So, all his fans love Even. Follow Even. Some stop him in the street thinking he is Henrik, and some are deranged enough to want photos with him. They give him presents. Lots of twin themed things. Even hasn’t got the heart to tell them that Henrik and him aren’t even remotely related. Anyway, what does it matter. Henrik is unavoidably family, in more ways than one it seems. 

I still don’t feel right. Nothing is right without Even. Even if it’s just that I can hear his breath on the other side of the bed, that I know if I reach out across Bella, that he is there, his skin warm and comforting. I miss him. I miss him being here. Us being us. 

I do that thing I do. When I miss him. I lift Tilde up, and snuggle her against my chest. I know you shouldn’t co sleep like this, but I need them with me. I need all the love I can get. Then I curl Bella up on my shoulder. Both my girls on top of me. Wrapped up in the duvet. My arms around them. Little snuffles and sighs. Big sigh from me.  
It’s only one more night. Half a day. Then he is back. Then I am whole again.

I totally own this Daddy thing. I mean Bella was only half an hour late for nursery, and was dressed. Well she was mostly dressed. She might have been missing a sock. Tilde is still in her pyjamas in the baby sling. Which is fine. She is a baby. She is in the sling against my chest under my jacket. She is fine. Babbling away and drooling and watching the world go by as every passer-by smiles at her like she is the most adorable baby they have ever seen. I love it. I rock. Dad of the year. And Tilde is the most adorable baby in the world.

I am also going to go to this sing-along-with baby thing at the library. I can do that. It’s usually Even’s thing, and he chats to all the other parents there whilst I usually stand in the corner until everyone is sat down. I don’t mind the singing bit. I don’t mind it at all. It’s quite fun and Tilde laughs and drools and giggles and I throw her up in the air making all the mum's gasp and clutch their babies and mutter that I am a little bit wild with the baby and mind her neck. 

She is fine. She is my super baby and I would never ever do anything to harm her. She is mine. I just smother her in kisses and blow on her tummy and oh shit. She has pooed. Poo. And it’s a big one.

That’s me slinking of to the changing rooms. Without a changing bag. Because I ace this daddy thing. I have nappies in my pocket and a pack of wipes in my jeans. Except I don’t. Because I didn’t pick them up from the pram which is at Bella’s nursery. Okay. 

I make babies for a living. Whilst I finish my doctorate in Reproductive Medicine I spend my time moonlighting as God. Or whoever people believe creates life. I am that dude in the lab that chooses the egg. Chooses the sperm. Then I get the little fellow to do his thing. Well I kind of jab him into the egg. With a few select words of encouragement. I know what I do. It’s awesomely incredibly cool, I create life, babies for people who otherwise would not have what Even and I have so blatantly ridiculously stumbled into. Parenthood. Children. Contentness. Love.  
I have lost track of how many babies I have made. How many I have lost. How fragile life is, when all it is, is an embryo on an agar plate, with all the love and hope and fears of the people waiting outside the lab. Praying and hoping their dreams will come true. 

Even and I know how lucky we are and we have tried to give back. We have both donated sperm, anonymously now, but our details are on file and any children conceived from us will be able to contact us when they are 18. If they want to. It messes with our heads when we think about it, that one day there might be a younger version of ourselves knocking on our door saying, Hi, I think you might be my Dad. Fuck me. That will be weird. I just hope they have good lives. That they will be loved. Happy. And that they know which one of us is supposed to be their Dad. Because otherwise things might get messy. 

Anyway, so I have a degree. A doctorate on the way. A responsible job playing God. Yet I have fucked up the nappy thing. Again. It’s not the first time. I know how to do this.  
The baby grow is ruined. There is a poo-nami up Tildes back, and down her legs and I just throw the whole thing in the bin. With the nappy inside. Then Tilde has a nice little bath in the sink. Splashing and laughing and eating the soap dispenser whilst I whip my t-shirt off and put the sling back on. Jacket on top. There.  
It’s easy drying a wet baby with hand towels. Piece of cake. I kind of use most of them. Mopping and dabbing and trying to clean water out of her ears. Soap out of her hair. Whilst she gurgles and pulls at me and kicks me in the face and wee’s on the changing table. Thank god for hand towels. I think that’s all of them. All gone. Neatly in the bin.  
Then I wrap my t-shirt around her bum, tied up nice and tight. Pop mostly naked Tilde back in the baby sling against my naked chest. Zip up the jacket. Who said I didn’t ace this Daddy thing. I high five Tilde in the mirror. Kiss her little head. Then I sneak out of there before anyone sees Tilde’s naked feet sticking out under my jacket. 

Four hours later Tilde and I are at arrivals at Gardemoen Airport. Hanging around nervously, rocking on my heels and swinging Tilde gently in her car seat. I want her to have a nap. Now. Like right now. She has been awake all morning, and we have done awesome things like tidying and watching Ice Hockey on TV and caught up with Daddy Issy’s emails and had coffee with Farfar Terje. She should be shattered. Yet she is waving her arms around and squealing and kicking her legs and I am seriously getting cramps in my arms. If I had put her in the sling she would be fast asleep. But I need her in the car seat. I kind of have plans. Which means no sling. Sorry baby. 

I growl a little when I spot his hair. Just at the back pushing the trolley full of his equipment. Silver boxes neatly stacked with worn FRAGILE Stickers all over. And some squiggly permanent pen drawings courtesy of Bella. She was just writing her name. she said. Even loves it. 

He squeezes me so tight that I can barely breathe. Just holds me and kisses my ear and my neck and my hair and then he does one of his kisses. The ones that take my breath away. I moan a little under his mouth. I can’t help it. He is just too much. All mine. 

‘’I hate when you leave me’’ I growl. Helplessly. Slightly overdramatic but whatever. ‘’I love it when you come back though. I love having you back. I love you.’’ I kiss him. A lot. 

And Tilde is asleep in the car seat.

‘’She has done a big poo’’ I tell him. A little bit too loud. Giving him a wink.  
‘’Can’t we change her in the car? It’s easier than finding the somewhere here.’’ Practical Even as always.  
‘’No, we need to change her now. She might get a rash.’’  
‘’She never gets a rash Issy. Tilde has titanium skin. And she is asleep’’  
‘’I know she is asleep Evy. That is why we are going to the changing rooms. To change her nappy. Because she has poo pooed.’’ I am trying to spell it out here.  
‘’Ohhh’’ Even gets it. Finally! ‘’Ohh. Okay’’

I start walking. I scouted out the changing rooms earlier. This one is big enough for the trolley to come in with us, and there is a little curtain with a chair for feeding. So, we could be feeding her as well if someone were to ask. Not that anyone will ask. We have a baby. So, we will use the baby changing room. I open the door and place Tilde down on the floor. Pull the curtain so she won’t see anything if she were to wake up. Not that she will wake up. We can be fast. And quiet. Quiet-ish.

Even manhandles the trolley with his equipment inside the door, apologizing to a lady with a pram who turns up behind him. Nodding to me and loudly telling the lady that ‘’She has done a poo. Massive one. Needs to be cleaned up. Sorry. ‘’ Then he closes the door in her face and locks it. Cheeky sod.

Well I don’t hang around. I practically jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around him and grinding against him like a teenager. I feel like a teenager. A horny oversexed kid who can’t get enough of his stupidly sexy boyfriend. Even though we have been together for years and are married. Well that doesn’t change the fact that he is pulling his trousers down and is tugging at my belt whilst he is sucking a bruise into my neck and I am trying to get his tie off. Even never wears a tie. It’s kind of sexy. So, I leave it on but I rip his shirt open. Kiss his chest. Lick his nipples whilst he arches back against the sink and starts talking dirty to me. Begging me to suck his cock. Then he changes his mind and turns around so I can rim him, then he shoves his cock in my mouth and moans that he can’t make his mind up he is too fucking horny and is there any way that I would let him fuck me? Because he needs to be inside my arse and he needs me and he wants to come inside of me whilst I am shoved up against the sink so he can watch me come in the mirror. 

Fucking hell Even. Now I am the one spinning around. Fishing out the bottle of lube from my pocket and angling my arse at him. Jeans slung around my ankles. Shirt flapping in the breeze from the hand dryer that I have set off by mistake and both of us holding our breath hoping that Tilde didn’t hear that. That she doesn’t wake up. 

She doesn’t. And anyway, I kind of moan ridiculously loudly when Even slips a finger inside me and licks my back. Pulling my shirt down and sucking my neck. Kissing my hair. Whispering dirty dirty things in my ear whilst I moan and twitch and shamelessly beg for another finger. More. More More More. Please. Just do it. I don’t need more fingers, I just need your cock Evy baby, just fuck me, just fuck me hard and fast and make me come. Please. 

So, he does. Because he knows how I like it, he knows how to make me shoot so hard that I can’t even stand up. He holds me up. Jams me against the sink. Then he takes me. He is not careful. Slick with lube and hard and fast. Pistoning in and out of me whilst his other hand grabs my cock and jerks me off. We are like a well-oiled machine. Well a well-lubed machine. We fuck. Moan. He holds on to me whilst I hold on to the mirror. I can’t watch. His eyes are just pinning me down in the mirror, dark with lust and sex and arousal. He doesn’t even close his eyes when he comes. Just watches me and fucks me until I don’t even know if I am still here. I feel faint. Lightheaded. Black spots dancing in front of my eyes. Then he takes his fingers and puts them in my mouth. Makes me lick him clean whilst his tongue does filthy things to my ear and my neck and then he is in my mouth and I have forgotten how to breathe. I just let him hold me and kiss me and I am boneless and jelly and nothing is important anymore. 

‘’I love you Issy. Thank you. That was fucking amazing baby’’

I try to say something back but I can’t even speak. That WAS amazing. 

So Even kisses my skin and buttons my shirt back up. Buckles my belt and zips up my zip. Then he carries Tildes car seat, and pushes the trolley out to the car whilst I stumble around behind him feeling a little drunk. A little lightheaded. Very much in love. Sleepy. Relieved. He is back. My baby is back. I am whole again. 

He drives. Holding my hand whilst I sit and stare at him with a smile on my face as he tells me things that I am not really taking in. I am just admiring him. Watching his lips move. The way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. Hoping we can all just go to bed when we get home so I can sleep this love haze off. Not that I want to but I need to be a little bit more functional than this for bath time. 

We stop off and pick Bella up from Nursery, laughing at her chatting away and telling Pappa Evy about all the brilliant stuff that we have done and that she missed him and she had to hold Pappa Issy’s hand because Pappa Issy doesn’t like sleeping without Pappa Evy. Well that’s true. At least she hasn’t told him about the McDonalds.

‘’Pappa Evy can we have McDonalds for dinner? Pappa Issy loves McDonalds. We had it yesterday. Please Pappa Evy?’’

Even just looks at me. And I look at him back. Both of us shrugging our shoulders.

We have McDonalds. What the hell. Not that it matters. We are family. Us. All here together. And THAT is all that matters.


End file.
